Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Ray Lights A Fire

With the uncertainty of 2011 NFL season still looming, any comments from the players will certainly be scrutinized. The latest controversial comments surround Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis. In a nut shell, Lewis said that we can expect the country's crime rate to go up if the football season doesn't go on. (I've attached a news link at the bottom of the page) Of course, Ray is taking a lot of heat for his comments. But not so fast.......

In the interview that I saw, Lewis also said that it is greed that's driving the pending work stoppage in 2011. He also said that countless people will unnecessarily be put out of work because of this greed. So far, I think the guy is making sense.

Factoring in the controversial "crime" comment, is it really that outrageous of a thing to say? Let me play the devil's advocate for a moment. There are a lot of people who rely on the income that the NFL generates. Whether it's working for a TV or radio station or working for minimum wage selling overpriced hot dogs at the stadium, some people are going to be impacted by a cancelled football season. Some more seriously than others. And with the economy being what it is already, I'd be willing to bet that at least a few of them might consider a less than honest way of getting some quick cash.

Does it make it right to go out and commit crimes? Of course, not. But to say Lewis' comments are totally off base would be disingenuous.

On a side note, I find it funny that the Baltimore City Council has found Lewis' comments so offensive. Personally, I find it offensive that someone is killed almost everyday in The City That Bleeds. Hey, I'll expand on Ray's comment and say that I guarantee there will crime issues in Baltimore with or without football.

I see Lewis' comment being twisted as if it were some kind of threat. Come on. He's not threatening anyone. He's just trying to illustrate the negative impact of the NFL lockout. Sure, they say baseball is America's pastime. But when's the last time you gathered a group of people together to watch a baseball game. Football is the new American pastime!

No matter what opinion you have of Ray Lewis, you can't deny that the guy knows how to get the most out of the people around him. And if it takes a controversial comment from him to light a fire under someone's ass to get the 2011 season back on track, I say good for him!

http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/2011/05/23/ray-lewis-makes-controversial-comments-about-nfl-lockout/

kw

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Let's Shake On It

I don't really know how, when or where the handshake originated, but there's no getting away from it now. It seems like such a simple thing but, as usual, I have some issues with it.

Conventional wisdom tells us that the handshake should be firm. Well, how do you define firm? Is there a consistent firmness? Or does the firmness have varying degrees? For instance, what would happen if Hulk Hogan ran into Pee Wee Herman? Does Hulk ease up on his grip or does he stay consistent and crush Pee Wee's metacarpals? Do you see how confusing this can be?

I was at a party of few years ago. There was this obnoxious guy that I had no particular interest in meeting. But as luck would have it, one of my friends happened to know him. And, of course, he had introduce us. Well, before I know it, the guy extends his man-paw and seizes my unsuspecting right hand. I'm not sure if the guy was trying to prove something, but he proceeded to squeeze my hand so tight it felt like a vise! I was pretty sure I heard something crack. The excruciating pain almost brought tears to my eyes but all I could do is stand there and smile. Any other reaction would have reflected negatively on my manhood. Are you starting to see how confusing this handshake thing can be??

More recently, I had a contractor at my house doing some work. He started into the familiar handshake routine and I met him halfway. But instead locking his grip into the normal position, he stops short and grabs me around the pinkie and index finger. In this position, there's no way I can participate in the handshake. My first thought was to ask for a "do-over". But I figured that would sound silly. So, I just let it go and submitted to his handshake. It really bothered me that this guy was going to think of me as a girly-man all day. But you know guys can't talk about these kinds of things. So, I patiently waited until the end of the day for my redemption. This time I was prepared. I ambushed him as he was gathering up his things and gave him an extra firm handshake that said, "Yes, there is indeed some testosterone flowing through this body!"

There's a guy that I occasionally play tennis with who refuses to shake hands altogether. He says that he doesn't want to get germs. It seems a bit odd to me but I guess it could be worse. I mean, at least he doesn't wear one of thse Michael Jackson-like surgeon masks.

I noticed that the younger generation has added an optional chest bump to the traditional handshake. I guess I'm showing my age, but I don't feel right doing this. I'm for keeping it simple. We don't need to be bumping each other.

And I never know how to introduce myself to women. I mean, do I give them the same handshake that I would give my burly guy friends? Or do I risk looking like a condescending chauvinist by easing up on them? And it doesn't seem appropriate to hug someone who you have never met, especially at a business meeting. So, what's the rule on hugging anyway? I mean, am I supposed to give a tight "bear hug"? Is a pat or two on the back mandatory or purely optional? These are good questions, don't you think?

kw

Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Maryland Crab Scene

While Tina & I were eating crabs at a local crab house recently, we noticed a couple at the next table getting instructions from the waitress on how to pick their crabs. Living in Maryland our whole lives, we found this to be a little odd. After all, who didn't know how to eat a crab? I assumed that everyone by the age of ten was a seasoned crab picker in this part of the world.

Obviously, the couple wasn't from the area and they were experiencing blue crabs for the first time. I'll go out on a limb and predict that it won't be their last time.

The nice thing about living in Maryland, especially around the Baltimore area, is that you don't have to stray far in search of a good crabhouse. Although there are many to choose from, I've got my own personal favorites in different parts of the state:
  • Baltimore - Canton Docksides
  • Annapolis - Mike's Crabhouse
  • Eastern Shore - The Crab Deck
  • Ocean City - Old Mill Crabhouse
  • North of Baltimore - Woody's
Although Maryland is well known for it's ample supply of great tasting crabs, the truth of the matter is many of the local crabhouses now ship their crabs in from other parts of the country. Those seemingly familiar blue crabs are actually coming from places like North Carolina, Texas and Louisiana. I have to admit, the thought of my home state importing blue crabs disappointed me at first. But in reality, the "foreign" crabs are just as satisfying as Maryland crabs.

Of course, the one sure-fire way to get authentic Maryland crabs is to catch them yourself. (No, I don't mean that you should proposition a working girl on Patapsco Avenue!). At some point, growing up in Baltimore, we all picked up a crab net and wandered down to the nearest body of water. If there happened to be a pier, you could usually scoop a few crabs right off of the pylons. If we were more daring, we would wade waist-deep into the murky water and set up a series of hand lines. We would then tie chicken necks to one end of the lines throw them out and wait for the scavenging crustaceans to attack them.

Now, I'm not saying that it's true, but years ago, I heard a rather morbid crabbing story. Basically, I was told that the police pulled a dead body out of Curtis Creek on the south end of Baltimore. Well, no surprise, crabs being the scavengers that they were clinging to the lifeless corpse. But the worst part is that nearby crabbers were trying to net these crabs as they reentered the water. Who could possibly want to eat a crab after it's been feasting on Baltimore's latest murder victim??

Sure, the dead body story bothered me a little. But not as much as this: I'm told that in some parts of the country, like Florida, they boil crabs. This just doesn't seem right. I mean, the boiling process will wash all of the Old Bay off. And everyone knows that you can't have blue crabs without Old Bay seasoning. The only way to cook a crab is to steam it!

If you've never had steamed crabs, I hope that I gave you some valuable insight. And if you are already a seasoned crab eater, all I can say is Bon Appetit!

KW

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Call Me Insensitive

 Let me ask you all a question....Is there anyone out there who is not happy that Osama Bin Laden is dead? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty damned ecstatic!

So, why does President Obama want America to downplay this like it's no big deal? We've been hunting for Bin Laden for almost ten years. And when we finally get him, we can't celebrate? Come on, Barry, do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight! 

Hey, I can remember Arab folks around the world dancing in the streets as the Twin Towers fell on September 11. They were proudly holding up signs of their main man, Osama Bin Laden. Sorry, I can't forget these kinds of things. They were making these stupid farm animal noises as they handed out candy to the little suicide bombers of the future. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they were gloating. So, I'm sure you can understand America's urge to gloat after learning that Bin Laden, their hero, had half his head blown off by a Navy SEAL. (Are those SEAL's bad-ass or what?)

And, of course, there's the issue of whether or not to release the death photos of Bin Laden. Obama says that there's no need to "spike the football". I disagree. I say spike the damned football, Mr. President. Spike it and do the Icky Shuffle in the freggin' end zone! Better yet, let's splatter that grisly death image of Bin Laden across the electronic billboards in Times Square. Sure, it might send a message of "insensitivity". But it will also send a message that says, "If you f*ck with the USA, this could be you!"

You would think that the liberals would be happy. After all, in keeping with Islamic tradition, we did give Bin Laden a proper burial at sea. That's a hell of a lot more respect than he gave us on 9/11. Personally, I say the hell with Islamic tradition. I would have liked to have seen Bin Laden cut into small pieces and dumped into a New York City port-a-potty. Now, that would be a proper burial! But, I don't know, maybe I'm just an insensitive guy......

KW

Monday, May 2, 2011

Bin Laden Bites The Dust

I've often said that living in America is like hitting the lottery everyday. Of course, some days, the jackpot is a little more lucrative. Today happens to be one of those days....

Learning that Osama Bin Laden was finally dead, I instantly felt the rush of red, white & blue through my veins. Turning on the news channel, the first thing I saw was a video of people on the New York subway singing The Star Spangled Banner. Every one of them was belting out the familiar lyrics at the top of their lungs. It was a beautiful thing!

I instantly wondered when we might see the body of Bin Laden. But I quickly learned that he was already buried at sea. Of course, the "official" word on this is going to be that US wanted to comply with Islamic tradition which requires a speedy burial. In reality, it would have been tricky trying to find a country to willingly accept the terrorist's body for a traditional burial. I mean, can you imagine the public relations nightmare on that? Also, why hand the body over just so terrorist groups can rally around it and build propaganda? Although I understand the diplomatic reasons for the burial at sea, I would have personally liked to have seen Bin Laden's body brought back the States and dragged through Times Square!

For years, we all assumed that Bin Laden was hiding in a cave somewhere. But, it turns out that he was in a luxurious mansion in Pakistan. And this mansion happened to be in Abbottabad, which is the home of Pakistan's main military academy and a short distance from the capital city of Islamabad. And Pakistan is supposed to be our friend? Yeah, I want to see them try to bullshit their way out of this one!

Yes, it took almost ten years to dispose of Bin Laden, but we knew he couldn't hide forever. Pissing off the US military, especially the Navy SEAL's, is never a smart thing to do. And ultimately, a bullet from a SEAL sent Bin Laden out of this world and onto his 72 virgins (or whatever those terrorist assholes do when they die these days). By the way, I hear that there was a $25 million reward for bringing down Bin Laden. I say give it to the SEAL's and let them have one hell of a party!

I'm sure it won't be long before the political posturing begins, But I'm setting all of that aside for now. Today, I am simply a proud American. Chalk one up for the good guys!

KW