Grocery Shopping on a Snowy Day

So, this morning Tina asks me to go to grocery store with her. Normally, I don't mind, but snow was in the forecast for today. And in Maryland, this usually creates pandemonium from the "bread. milk and toilet paper" crowd. But being the trooper that I am, I agreed to go along...

First off, Tina has started a new diet that involves a lot of vegetables. Approaching the produce section, she tells me to grab some cauliflower and broccoli. It seemed easy enough but I soon realized that I was a stranger in a strange land. After searching through a multitude of foreign objects (tomatoes, carrots, celery, etc), I finally stumbled across the broccoli and cauliflower. Depositing these items into the shopping cart, I felt a bit overwhelmed. Being so close to all of these green leafy vegetables was starting to make me light-headed. In an act of basic survival, I escape over to the meat section where I bond with the bratwurst and ribeyes. It's comforting to be among friends.

Going my own way in the grocery store only means that I'm ultimately going to spend the better part of an hour trying to reunite with Tina. I'll walk the entire length of the store several times, craning my neck to peer down each aisle. It's truly amazing that even after ten trips, I see can't find her. I actually get a kink in my neck from twisting it back and forth many times. I think about how Linda Blair felt after that scene in the Exorcist.

Somehow, this causes a light-bulb to go off in my head....

I'm seriously thinking about pitching an idea to the grocery store owners. I would like to see a bar in every grocery store. No longer will guys moan and groan about having to go to the store with their wives. The ladies get to shop in peace while the guys become euphoric in aisle five. Personally, I would like to see the bar set up near the seafood section so that I could order up some steamed shrimp with my Sam Adams draft. But that's just me...

Back to reality....

Once I finally reunite with Tina, we head towards the checkout line. We go to the line that only has one customer in it. Of course, there's always a catch. The woman in line seems to be getting each of her items rung up separately. And each time, she goes back into her purse to retrieve her money. I would expect this kind of thing at Walmart, but we're at the local grocery store.

We finally make it to the cashier. She's a husky woman who seems to be having an issue supporting her own body weight. So, she leans on the counter with one arm while she scans each of our items with the other. She almost seems to be getting winded by all of this "strenuous" activity. If scanning groceries kicks your ass, at the very least, you should probably put down the Snickers bar (I only mention this because there was an empty Snickers wrapper behind the counter).

So, we finally get out to the parking lot where the wet snow is really coming down. We load the car up and head out. I wind my window down to clear the snow off. As a result, a pile of wet snow falls inside of the car and all over me. I've got cold snow down the back of my neck. And the front of my jeans look like I pissed myself. Tina thinks it's hilarious that I'm such a "dumb-ass", but I personally don't find any humor in it.

Yep, after the first of the year, I think I'll call the grocery store execs and pitch them my bar idea. It can't come soon enough...

kw

Approaching The Fiscal Cliff

By now, most of you have probably at least heard of the "fiscal cliff". The talking heads have kicked the topic into high gear as we loom closer to the deadline on New Year's Day. So, what does it all mean? Let me try to break it all down for you....

If there's one thing the government is very good at, it's spending money. It would be bad enough if Uncle Sam was frivolous with his own money, but he compounds the problem by spending money that he doesn't have. Of course, the only way to get this money is to borrow it. Roughly 46% percent of the $16 trillion U.S. debt is held by foreign governments. China alone holds well over $1 trillion of the US debt. To put it into perspective, this is more than the combined household debt of the United States. It's pretty obvious that Uncle Sam has a serious spending disorder.

So, figuring it might be a good idea to actually do something about this dire situation, Congress passed the Budget Control Act in August 2011. This bi-partisan compromise temporarily raised the debt ceiling (the amount of money Uncle Sam can borrow from himself to pay his bills) which gave our so-called "leaders" until December 31, 2012 to come up with a plan to reduce the national deficit by $1.2 trillion over the next ten years. (This reminds of the character "Wimpy" from the old Popeye cartoons, "If you give me one hamburger today, I'll gladly repay you two of them tomorrow....")

Well, here it is, sixteen months later and there's no plan in sight. What the hell were these guys doing all of this time? So, now many members of Congress are being asked to cut their holiday vacations short and come back to Washington before we go off of the fiscal cliff at midnight on Tuesday. Even President Obama cut short his latest adventure in Hawaii to come back to DC.  Hey, I know it's the holidays, but if the guy at 7-11 is forced to peddle Big-Bites on Christmas and New Year, is it really asking too much for our representatives to do their jobs?

As usual, the Democrats and Republicans can't come to an agreement on how to resolve this problem. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, but perhaps they shouldn't have waited until the final month to start working on this? In their rushed attempt to make a deal, Democrats are pushing for higher taxes on the wealthiest Americans. But Republicans are opposed to raising taxes on anyone. Instead, they are calling for deeper spending cuts, which many Democrats oppose. President Obama would like to see more "stimulus" spending which the Republicans say the nation simply can not afford. Blah, blah, blah.....

So, assuming that the pissing contest between Democrats and Republicans continues and a deal is not reached, what does it mean to real people like you and me?

• The Bush-era tax cuts will expire which will result in a 2% tax increase for the average middle class family. Basically, you'll be handing over about $2000 to feed Uncle Sam's insatiable spending habit.
• There will be spending cuts on the defense budget to the tune of over $50 billion a year through 2021. Can anyone say national insecurity?
• The typical 15% tax on capital gains will likely increase to 20%. You put up the risk and the government reaps your reward. That's not nice!
• Real estates taxes will increase. You still have a house on the market? You'd better try to sell it this weekend!
• There will be major spending cuts on education, law enforcement, low income energy subsidies and roads.
• The Social Security payroll tax cut will expire, raising it from 4.2% to 6.2%. So, now we'll be paying even more money into a fund that many say will be totally bankrupt by the time we can draw from it. Can I just opt out?
• The child tax deduction, as well as the tax credit for school expenses will decrease. Breeding for dollars ain't what it used to be!
• Unemployment benefits return to the 26-week maximum. That should be comforting to the folks who are struggling to pay the bills while looking for work.
• The rates at which Medicare pays providers will decrease. Doctors should really love this, huh?

In addition to these things, there is also talk of capping or doing away with the mortgage interest deduction. This would ultimately cost the average homeowner thousands of more dollars every year. That should really help the housing market, huh?

And to add to the misery, there's a looming farm bill that has been neglected by our wonderful representatives. If this bill isn't addressed, the cost of a gallon of milk could go up to $7-8 a gallon.

If a deal isn't reached on all of this mess by midnight on Tuesday, many economists are predicting a double dip recession. They also see the unemployment rate climbing over 9% by the end of 2013. And there are also those who feel that it's actually better to go off of the cliff than to extend the current policies and increasing the long-term deficit.

Now, matter how you slice it, this doesn't sound good. It's funny how just a few months ago, we were told how the economy was on the rebound. It's sure doesn't sound that way to me. And as much as I'm compelled to point the finger, I believe there is plenty of blame to go around. Congress has had plenty of time to get a deal done, but here we are, preparing to fall off of a metaphoric cliff.. Remind me again why we keep elected these people??

kw

Guns - The Problem or the Solution?

As expected, the issue of gun control has been the hot topic of discussion across news outlets and social media all week. These latest debates were initiated by the latest American shooting rampage in Newtown, Connecticut last Friday.

It's no surprise that gun control advocates seized the opportunity to state their case. Wasn't it Rahm Emanuel who said to "never let a serious crisis go to waste"? Because of the often tragic consequences of an abused firearm, the issue of gun control is a passionate issue for people on either side.

When anyone is senselessly killed as a result of a gunshot, it's easy to blame the gun itself. After all, it was indeed the instrument used to end a life. However, as tragic as these events are, the gun only becomes a deadly weapon when there is human intervention. So, therefore, I prefer blame the person who pulls the trigger rather than a piece of hardware.

Many gun control proponents would like to see all guns taken away from private citizens. I think we really need to careful here. Back in 1775, the British instructed General Thomas Gage to seize the military stores of American militias. The result? It kicked off the American Revolution. Even though this was a long time ago, it hasn't changed the fact that American gun owners are not happy about any government trying to take away their firearms.

In the latest attempt the tighten the nation's gun control laws, President Obama and other high-ranking Democrats are pushing for a ban on assault rifles and guns with high-capacity magazines. I would agree, that most gun owners would never really have the need for a AK-47. But there's also a push to ban "certain" types of semi-automatic weapons. A semi-automatic firearm is a gun that fires one bullet with each pull of the trigger, after which a new round is automatically loaded into the chamber. I'm no firearms expert, but I would think "semi-automatic" would describe almost every handgun in existence.

So would banning all firearms really save lives? They are certainly valid arguments on both sides. But there are plenty of studies that suggest that stricter gun control laws actually caused an increase in firearm deaths. A few examples:

• In 1966, New Jersey adopted what was described at "the most stringent gun control law" in the country. Within two year, the murder rate was up almost 50% and the robbery rate had doubled.
• In 1976, Washington DC passed one of the most restrictive gun control laws in the nation. Since then, the murder rate has risen 134%!
• Among the 15 states with the highest murder rates, 10 of them have some of the strictest gun control laws in the country.
• Chicago has perhaps the strictest gun controls but the violent crime continues to escalate.

Last Friday in China, where private citizens are not allowed to posses guns, a man entered an elementary school with a knife and stabbed over twenty school kids. This was on the same day as the Newtown shooting here in the States. So, this suggests that even if guns are not readily available, crazy people will resort to other means to carry out their actions. I also can't help but notice that there was hardly any mention of the China story on American news networks. Is it because the Newtown story was obviously bigger and in our own back yard? Or is it because it doesn't fit the liberal media's gun control agenda?

The National Rifle Association's executive vice-president, Wayne LaPierre, recently said that fault of these senseless shootings can be attributed to Hollywood, video games and the court system for creating a culture of violence in this country. He also called for an armed security officer in every school in America. Of course,  more guns is the last thing that critics want to hear. But I think Pierre makes a valid point here, especially about the courts. How many gun control laws are already on the books? And how often are they enforced? There certainly needs to be stricter penalties for criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime. Too often they are slapped on the wrist and turned back out to society where they commit more violent crimes.

There is no doubt that too many people are murdered with firearms in this country. But I don't think the NRA or any gun owner should be blamed. In almost all of these tragic events, it was a person who was responsibly for carrying out the act. Saying that guns are solely responsible for mass killings is like saying that American Airlines is responsible for the 9/11 attacks. If there's any truth to this, then I'm suing the company that makes my fork for making me overweight.

I also find it very ironic (and hypocritical!) that many high profile people who want to ban guns are the same people who wouldn't dare go out into public without an armed bodyguard. Case in point, the President never goes out into public without his armed Secret Service agents. Can anyone deny that their guns have a huge impact on his safety?

Outlawing guns will not take them out of the criminals hands for one simple reason: CRIMINALS DO NOT OBEY LAWS! What part of this don't people understand? I guess it's like thinking that outlawing drugs will instantly stop drug abuse. Yeah, how's that whole "war of drugs" thing working out?

I don't want to come off as sounding unconcerned about of the tragic events that have occurred. It saddens me to see any innocent person die so needlessly. But I can't help but wonder if there was an armed citizen in that Colorado movie theater or that Connecticut elementary school, maybe, just maybe many lives could have been saved. 

In a perfect world, we would be able to sleep with our windows and doors open. In a perfect world, we would be able to get cash out of an ATM machine in West Baltimore without fear of being jacked up. In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to worry about lunatics spraying bullets into a movie theater or a class room. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world........

I am not a radical right-wing gun nut. Nor am I an overly religious person. However, if I ever find myself in a potentially life-threatening situation against a gun-toting thug, I pray to God that a good guy with a gun shows up quick......

kw

Another Senseless Tragedy

Watching the news coverage of the Newton, CT school shooting yesterday, I struggled to figure out why these things continue to happen. A high school shooting is tragic enough, but most of these kids were just kindergartners. It takes a special kind of evil to carry out something like this.

I watched President Obama fight back emotions as he addressed the shooting yesterday. Some people will probably criticize him for "showing weakness". But I don't know how anyone, especially a parent, could talk about something this devastating without getting emotional. I really think the President was sincere and I applaud him for at least attempting to console the community.

And as expected, talk of stricter gun control began to surface. On the surface, it sounds like a legitimate argument. After all, guns were the instrument of death in this tragic case. But if someone is sick enough to perpetrate this type of action, they would very likely use another method if guns weren't available. Case in point, yesterday in China, a knife-welding nutcase attacked a group elementary school children.

People who think that outlawing guns is the answer are just ignoring the truth. The only way you could stop gun violence is to destroy every firearm on the earth. And since that ain't gonna happen, guns will always be available. One might argue that the only sensible defense is to have a gun of your own. But I really believe that the reasons behind these senseless killings lie much deeper than the guns themselves.

Today's children are often pampered by over-protective parents. Ironically, these same kids are surrounded by violence in the form of television, movies and video games. Parents who might shield their kids from profanity or brief nudity often have no problem letting them watch someone get their head blown off. I'm not saying anything is right or wrong, but I can kind of understand why kids grow up confused. A few years ago, a Baltimore City firefighter told me about how desensitized to the street violence the kids have become. He told me a story of how he was literally hosing a murder victim's brains off of the sidewalk as the local kids played just a few feet away. It was like no big deal to them. It's just someone's brains on the sidewalk, been there, done that......

I don't know what's going on with this world. But I do know that evil does indeed exist.....

When tragedies such as the Connecticut school shooting occur, everyone quickly realizes what's really important to them. I have known too many people who have died way too soon. Although I really like to believe that they are in a better place, it does little to console the families who are left behind. Memories are nice but they don't compare to having your loved ones by your side.

The parents of the slain Connecticut schoolkids should be getting ready to celebrate the holidays with their families. But instead of watching the excited faces of the kids on Christmas morning, they're be preparing to say their final goodbyes. It hurts me just to think about this. I obviously don't know any of these people but my heart truly aches for them. No one should ever have to experience this kind of pain. My thoughts and prayers go out to the entire community of Newtown......

kw

Birth of a Speed Camera

Is it just me or does there seem to be more work zones around Baltimore than ever before? Of course, the "work" zones always present a convenient excuse to put up new speed cameras. Cha-ching! And even though we are still being fed a load of bullshit about "safety", a recent study has shown that  more than 40% of all speed camera tickets were issued between 6 pm and 6 am (when many work crews are not working)!

In Baltimore City, the speed cameras are contracted through a private contractor (from what I understand it's a subsidiary of Xerox). Roughly half of the $40 of every ticket issued goes to the contractor. Yep, I'm sure everything is on the up-and-up.

I don't know the exact of the origins of the speed camera. But I imagine that it all began something like this........

A group of fat and predominantly useless politicians (let's call them Ken, Wei, Phuckum & Howe) were sitting around in a bar one night. Knocking back an abundance of government subsidized cocktails, they brainstormed about ways to pay for their wasteful spending habits. Wei and Ken bring up an idea about sneaking in a new gasoline tax. But Phuckum and Howe quickly shoot it down knowing that any new tax increase won't go over well with the working class.

At some point, a light bulb goes off in Phuckum's head and he explains, "Hey guys, I've got it! In China, they have cameras all over the place. Why can't we do the same thing here? We can start with traffic lights and then aggressively move them onto the highways. We will install these things before the public even realizes what hit 'em! And as a bonus, we throw the post office some much needed business as they'll be delivering an endless number of tickets!"

A concerned Wei replies,"Do you really think the public is that stupid?"

"Of course, they are!" replies Phuckem.

Howe chimes in, "Hey wait a minute. Wei brings up a good point. And I've got a solution. When the bitching starts after we rob Joe Q. Citizen of 40 bucks, we can simply explain that the new camera campaign is in the best interest of public safety. How can they possibly argue with that?"

Wei thinks for a moment and says, "I don't know. Are these things even constitutional?"

"Wei, you're really starting to piss me off! Who cares if they're legal or not? We're talking about a serious cash cow here." explains a visibly annoyed Phuckem.

Ken starts to see the light and says, "I think I get what Howe is talking about. It's kind of like when we tell the people that we'll have to close down fire houses and lay off police officers if we don't raise taxes."

"Exactly, Ken!" says Howe. "It's also like when we tell them that it's for the children. On that note, let's string some speed cameras up near schools! Let's prove that Baltimore City schools are indeed useful! It's all about the kiddies, remember? Hey, I know it's a bunch of horseshit, but when did we ever care about what the people think?"

"Ok, good point. But don't you think that these things will cause massive traffic tie-ups as people hit the brakes to avoid getting a ticket?" asked a concerned Wei.

Phuckem, who is really losing his patience, explains, "Of course, there will be unnecessary traffic jams. But what the f*ck do we care? We all have personal drivers! It's their problem, not ours! You need to look at this in terms of dollars, my friend.."

Wei finally gives in and reluctantly jumps on board as he says, "I'm with you guys. I think I know how we can expand the idea. We can set cameras up and stage work zones months before any actual work begins. And then we'll leave them up long after the work is completed. Let's bleed the people for all that we can! Phuckem, you're a genius!"

Phuckum puts the final touches on the idea by announcing that his brother-in-law owns a business that supplies and manages the very type of camera that will be needed to implement the plan. Ken, Wei, Phuckem and Howe shake hands and the red light/speed camera is born..........

Maybe it's not exactly the way it went down. But I'm probably not that far off........

kw

Ravens Part Ways With Cameron

Earlier today, the Baltimore Ravens gave many of their fans an early Christmas present when they announced the firing of Cam Cameron. The offensive coordinator has been heavily criticized pretty much since the day he arrived in Baltimore. It seemed a bit ironic to me that Cameron was hired by the Ravens in 2008 considering that that he was 1-15 as Miami's head coach in 2007 (by the way, the Dolphin's lone win that season was against the Ravens). But since he and Raven's head coach John Harbaugh are good friends, it's understandable.

On the surface, it might seem rather odd that an offensive coordinator who has taken his team to playoffs every year would be on the hot seat. And this year, the Raven's broke their single game scoring record when the beat the Oakland Raiders 55-20. Baltimore is currently 9-4 and two games in front of the Steelers and Bengals. In all likelihood, they will win the AFC North for the second straight year and go to the playoffs for the fifth straight season. And let's not forget that the Ravens were one dropped pass from going to the Super Bowl last year.

So, with three regular season games remaining, was letting Cameron go at this particular time the right move?

In the past two losses, the Ravens scored 20 and 28 points respectively. Perhaps not indicative of an offensive Juggernaut, but decent enough numbers nonetheless. You  would think that a team with even an average defense should  be able to win with 28 points.

Hey look, I hate to see anyone lose their job, especially two weeks before Christmas. But this has been a long time coming. Admittedly, I have have been a huge critic of Cameron's play calling over the past two seasons. Personally, I'm glad he's gone. I'm just not so sure about the timing.....

In my opinion, the offensive play calling hasn't helped Joe Flacco develop into the top-tier quarterback that many hoped he would be. After almost five full season in the league, many people feel that Cameron has stunted Joe's growth. I dunno, maybe some of the blame can be shared by the quarterback's coach?

Drum roll please.......

Cameron's former position will be filled by none other than Raven's quarterback coach Jim Caldwell. Although Caldwell has never worked as an offensive coordinator, he was head coach of the Indianapolis Colts from 2009 to 2011. Prior to that, he was Peyton Manning's QB coach. As luck would have it, the Raven's will face Manning and the Denver Broncos this Sunday.

In my opinion, Cameron's departure will more than likely prove to be a good thing for the Ravens. However  they still have some serious issues on the defense. With the absence of Tyrell Suggs, the pass rush leaves a lot to be desired (although Paul Kruger has had some good moments). And the run defense continues to have issues. They really need to improve if they're going to get to the next level. We automatically assume that the defense will be stellar, year after year. But not this season.....

Constantly making the playoffs in the NFL is certainly an impressive feat that can not be ignored. But Raven fans (and I assume the ownership) desperately want that second trip to the Super Bowl. You can only dangle that carrot in front of them so many times. If the Ravens fail to get past the first round of the playoffs (or somehow fail to make the post-season altogether!), expect to see even more heads rolling.....

kw

Hanging Out In The Front Yard

So, I'm reading an article this morning about a town in New York that's in the process of making it illegal to hang your laundry out on your front lawn. Apparently, there's been an outcry from at least a few residents who find the front yard clothelines a bit gaudy.

I'm not a big advocate of the government telling people what they can do with their homes, but in this case I can kind of see their point. I mean, who wants to see someone's underwear flapping in the wind?

People should have enough decency and pride in their neighborhood to avoid these kinds of debates, But, I can tell you, that's not always the case. While driving through the bowels of Baltimore City on occasion, I often see the ghetto element staring right at me from the front lawns of the residents. For example, we've all heard of the backyard barbarque. It's always been part of Americana to sip on a cold beer while grilling up some steaks in the backyard. So, can someone please explain to me when or why it became traditional to put the grill out on the front lawn? And to add to my confusion, the preferred grilling time for the urban front-yards is around 11 o'clock at night!

Another thing that has become an urban tradition is living room furniture on the front porch. In many cases, the upholstered sofas and chairs are exposed to the elements without so much as a roof overhead  So, if your neighbor ever  invites you over for a malt liquor on the front porch, be careful where you sit or you might get a wet ass.

On one extraordinary situation, I saw a baby's playpen on the front lawn. The kicker? Right next to it was a tie-out which happened to be attached to a large pitbull. On a side note, out of pure curiosity, does anyone in the city own any breed other than the pitbull? On second thought, I guess a poodle would look kind of silly with one of those heavy chains and a padlock around it's neck.....

Now, the city isn't the only place where the front yard is subject to abuse. When I lived in Glen Burnie, one of the neighbors had an old rusted out Jeep proudly displayed on the front lawn. The engine and hood had been removed and after a couple of years, a tree began to grow between the two front bumpers. It was a scene that would have made any self-respecting redneck proud! One of the neighbors finally asked the Jeep owner to remove the vehicle, but it fell on deaf ears. It was obvious that these aristocrats had no intention of moving the mechanical corpse. It was becoming a real embarrassment to the whole neighborhood. So, a unanimous call was made to the health department* and within a few days, the hideous vehicle was finally gone.

(* My experience has been that calling the city/county for situations like rusted Jeeps in the front yard can be very frustrating and time consuming. But, if you call the health department and utter the magic sentence, "I saw rats!", things quickly kick into high gear. For me, it's all about getting from A to point B with the least amount of bullshit in between.)

Jumping back to my original topic, I find it kind of ironic that the government is actually pursuing a clothesline ban in the first place. Isn't the government always lecturing us to be more "green"? You would think that Uncle Sam would want to see your drawers flapping in the wind instead of tumbling inside of a gas dryer.

By the way, word has it that the same New York neighborhood who will be banning clotheslines, is also looking at banning front-porch furniture. Like I mentioned before, I don't like the government involved in our lives anymore than it already is. But the bottom line is....... clotheslines belong in the back yard and La-Z-Boys belong in the living room. Do you really need Big Brother to tell you this?

kw

The Crazy People of Christmas

As we progress through the Christmas season, you would think that people would treat each other a little nicer. But whether it's due to the economy or perhaps the added stress of finding the perfect gift, some people just seem to be unreachable for the Christmas Spirit. Here are just a few of the more bizarre happenings that I found while scanning the headline this morning:

• Two men were arrested in New York after they were found following a UPS truck and stealing the packages after the driver dropped them off.
• An 800-pound decorated elk statue was stolen off of the roof of an Elk's Lodge in New Jersey. It is assumed that thieves stole the metal elk in order to cash it in at a recycling center. The estimated recycling value? $200.
• Baby Jesus and a wooden donkey were stolen from the city's nativity scene in Frostproof, Florida. (I'm actually more surprised that, in today's world of political correctness, a nativity scene could still be displayed by any city)
• Thousands of dollars of gifts for the needy were stolen from a church near Boston
• In Loris, South Carolina, three thugs robbed a family at gunpoint while they were in the middle of decorating their Christmas tree
• A thief in Pittsburgh broke into a liquor store. His bounty? Two bottles of egg nog.
• A woman in South Carolina was murdered by her "friend" and buried under a pile of Christmas presents in her home.
• A Georgia man was arrested for shooting at a sprig of mistletoe outside of a shopping mall.
• A woman at a Christmas craft fair (I'm not sure of the exact location) was caught stealing an ornament from one of the vendors. When confronted, the thief stabbed the vendor with the ornament.
• An Ohio man, who was presumably high on bath salts, broke into a home and put up Christmas decorations. I'm not sure if you arrest him or offer him a beer!
• At a Christmas parade in my home state of Maryland, a man dressed as Frosty The Snowman was arrested after assaulting a police officer and kicking a police dog. I guess there was something other than magic in that old corn-cob pipe!

As we get closer to the actual Christmas holiday, I'm sure there will be plenty of other knuckleheads making the news for these kinds of things. Obviously, not everyone believes in that whole "season of giving" thing....

kw

Formstone - Gone Forever?

So, today I heard the devastating news that Formstone will likely be banned on all new construction in Baltimore City. This was like hearing that steamed crabs would no longer be sold in Baltimore.

Formstone (described as the "polyester of brick" by Baltimore film director John Waters) was originally designed as an upgrade to aging brick homefronts. But it's popularity became so widespread  that before long, faux stone facades became the signature look of houses all over the city. But a new proposed zoning code may finally put an end to Charm City's signature look.

For those who remember the 1987 movie "Tin Men", director Barry Levinson had originally planned on having the main characters (played by Danny DeVito and Richard Dreyfuss) peddling Formstone. But concerned that it wouldn't register with audiences outside of the Maryland area, he choose aluminum siding as his material.

The proposed ban has really ruffled some feathers of many city residents. Many see this as just another government infringement on their property rights. Other nostalgic residents are simply upset to see the classic look being phased out.

To be fair, the art of Formstone was drying up anyway. They're just aren't that many brick masons who specialize in the simulated stone anymore.  But is it really the government's job to pull the plug on it now? I could see if it was downright hideous, but I always thought that it looked good. My parents, who live in a duplex on the southern tip of Baltimore City,  have Formstone on the front of their house. Hell, I didn't even realize that the "bricks" were fake until I was a teenager! And driving through the streets of Locust Point many times through the years, I thought the Formstone fronts looked much better than the sight of crumbling brick and mortar. So, why ban it? Is it really worse than the boarded up crackhouses that you see in other areas of the city?

Through recent years, the Inner Harbor, Federal Hill and Locust Point areas have seen an increased migration of yuppies. I can't help but think that this has at least a little something to do with all of this. And I find it ironic that in a place like Baltimore, where someone is killed in the street almost every day, city officials think that banning Formstone will somehow make life better. Really?

Hey Natty Boh man, I would watch your back. They might be coming after you next......

kw