Random Things I'd Like To See

All of the cold and nasty weather has had me pinned inside my house for way more time than I'd like. At times, I feel a little stir crazy and eerily in sync with Jack Nicholson's character from The Shining. Just the other day, I got the sudden urge to start bouncing a tennis ball off the living room wall. But figuring it would eventually result in Tina bouncing a mixing bowl off my head, I let the urge quietly pass.

So, as I gaze out the window and into a blinding sea of white snow, my mind ponders things that I would really like to see. For instance, I would like to see just one weatherman come out and say, "Do I look like one of Dionne Warwick's psychic friends? I have no freggin' idea how much snow we'll get!"

I would like to see one of those Walmart scooter-riders say, "You know what? I'm fat and I'm just too lazy to walk around like the other Wal-Martians."

I would like to see the asshole who invented computer pop-up ads to get a nocturnal case of explosive diarrhea.

I would like see animal abusers hung by their nuts and beat like pinatas.

Since he practically looks like one, I would like to see an official Al Sharpton Pez dispenser.

I would like to see a Smart car that doesn't look so dumb.

I would like to see the United States stop giving money to countries that hate us.

I would like to see at least one guest on the Maury Povich Show with an IQ in the double-digits.

I would like to see Mike Tyson fill in as an auctioneer. I hear thicks. We've got a thicks. Do I hear a theven?

I would like to see celebrities stop hijacking award shows with their political statements. I think I'm now down to three or four actors who haven't pissed me off yet.

I would like to see all of those stupid reality shows get cancelled. How many more Survivors can they possibly make?

I would like to see Maryland's speed cameras spontaneously and simultaneously combust. Throw the red light cameras into the fire and queue up Disco Inferno by The Trammps.

I would like to see Kayne West say.......Ummm, actually I'd like to see Kayne shut the f*ck up!

I would like to see a Chic-fil-A in my neighborhood. I could eat that stuff everyday...

I would like to see Scarlett Johansson have a wardrobe malfunction.

I would like to see one of those work-from-home telemarketers accidentally dial a high-priced 900 number.

I would like to see "The Wave" abolished at all stadiums. It's a Detroit thing. Can't we at least leave it there? On a similar note, why do fans who hate the Red Sox, automatically join in on that stupid Bah-Bah-BAH part in Sweet Caroline. It's the silliest thing since the Electric Slide.

I would like to see the Tinman from the Wizard of Oz in an airport screening line. The sight of him arguing with a TSA agent would be priceless.

And lastly, I would like to see Al Gore walk through downtown Boston immediately after a snowstorm and shout, "Hey, has anyone seen my polar bear!?"

I really can't wait for spring........

kw

Snowed In On The Baltimore Beltway

Yesterday, I had to go to work around 9 am. Although they were calling for snow later in the day, my job ((in Owings Mills) was only going to take about three hours. So, I figured I'd be out of there in plenty of time to get home ahead the pending storm. Boy, was I mistaken!

When I started to head out a little after noon, the parking lot was already covered with several inches of fresh snow. Although I was a bit shocked at how much snow had accumulated in such short amount of time, the though of driving in it didn't really phase me. I figured once I hit the main roads, it would be smooth sailing. This turned out to be another asinine prediction.

As I made my way along Owings Mills Blvd, the drive was slow but manageable. But as I approached the hill near the Best Buy shopping center, I could see trouble brewing. Car were already starting to slip on their way up the incline. This continued as we approached the uphill ramp to 795. After snaking along the ramp for a good 20 minutes, I finally made my way onto 795. I was amazed to see that the road had not been plowed. Although you could move, top speed was about 20 mph and visibility was limited to about 100 feet. With my windshield wipers freezing up, the visibility factor diminished by the minute. I was really regretting my decision to drive home in this mess.

Eventually, I made it to the Baltimore beltway which was at an absolute standstill. As hard as it was to believe, the paved surface on the beltway was worse than 795. I have been driving for over thirty years and this was the absolute worst snow conditions that I'd ever seen on 695. When I saw what I was in store for, I considered finding a place to leave my car and walking home.

As I sat there there and listened to the radio, I received updates of the horrible road conditions around the area. The DJ's were also reiterating, "If you don't have to go out in this mess, please don't." While it was very good advice, it sure wasn't doing me any good since I was already stuck in it. After a while, the radio began to depress me. So, since I didn't appear to be going anywhere anytime soon, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through Facebook to see if any of my friends were sharing my miserable experience.

I updated my Facebook status to let the world know of my dire situation, Before long, I received some good ideas on how to pass the time. For instance, Turk advised me to take a nap while Hank suggested that I drink some beer. While I liked both of these ideas, nether was to happen. If I took Turk's advice, who would move my car those 100 feet after ten minutes? And Hank's offering, although very enticing, presented multiple challenges. The least of which was the state trooper who was in the next lane. The real problem, however, was that I already felt the strong urge to pee.

Panic began to set in as I realized that I might not be able to hold it for two or three more hours. At this stage, there was no telling how much longer we'd all be stuck here. So, I starting to look around the car for a makeshift urinal. The best thing I could come up with with a small  Deer Park water bottle which I found lodged up under the passenger side seat. I laughed to myself when I read the label which said ""100% Natural Spring Water". Yeah, I was going to fill it with something natural, but it sure as hell wasn't going to be spring water!

Anyway, along with the bottle being small, so was the opening. This presented another problem. How was I going to make my "deposit" into the bottle without pissing all over my car? On top of this, I had truckers and people in SUV's intermittently passing me. It would be bad enough for them to see me peeing into a Deer Park water. But for them to see me pissing all over my radio and steering wheel would be way too much humiliation for me to bear. So, I tossed the water bottle into the back seat and silently apologized to my bladder. I made a mental note to store an empty Gatorade bottle in the trunk for any similar endeavors in the future. Notice the more user-friendly opening on the Gatorade bottle? This helps to eliminate that dreaded splash-back effect.The over-all larger capacity is another nice feature...



Every now and then, I would have to get out of the car to clear the slush from my wiper blades. It seemed kind of surreal walking around on 695 in the middle of the afternoon. Several other motorists were also working feverishly to clear their windshields. Trying to break the ice (no pun intended) with the guy next to me, I asked, "So, how do you think the Orioles will do this year?" This struck the guy especially funny as he dropped his ice scraper and bent over laughing.

After about three hours, I approached exit 13 (Frederick Rd). I could see the flashing lights of several emergency vehicles. Since this was a slight incline, several motorists were getting stranded as they tried to make it up the hill. Small pick-up trucks with rear-wheel drive were having the most problems. Eventually, I made it up the hill and past the stranded vehicles. After 3+ hours, I was finally moving at a continuous pace! It would be a slow ride for the rest of the way, but at least I was moving!

My commute from Owings Mills usually takes 30-40 minutes, Yesterday, it took 4 and a half hours! I felt an instant rush of relief as I pulled into my snow covered driveway.

Oh, and yes, I did take Hank's advice and knock back a few beers after I got home. But only after I made that much anticipated and overdue trip to the bathroom.....

kw

You Gotta Kill The Cockroaches

While I was driving around the beltway on Wednesday afternoon, I caught some of President Obama's White House speech on my car radio. The speech centered on "violent" extremism and what can be done to combat it. Of course, what Obama was really talking about was recent acts of barbarity carried out by the terrorist group ISIS (or as Obama calls them, ISIL).

Obama seemed to tip-toe around the inconvenient fact that ISIS is made up of radical Islamists. He reminded us that "no religion is responsible for terrorism". The jury's still out on that one. But when when a radical Islamist is sawing the head of a Christian off while chanting "Allah Akbar", it's hard to ignore the religious aspect. After all, ISIS stands for the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (or if you prefer ISIL, it's the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant). In either case, it's kind of hard to dance around the Islamic connection to ISIS when the first letter stands for ISLAMIC!

I'm certainly not saying that all Muslims are bad, but it sure seems that most of today's terrorists are made up of bad Muslims. I would like to see more of the good Muslims stand up and call these sadistic motherf*ckers out. We're often told that the radical sect of Islam only makes up a small percentage. If that's the case, why can't the overwhelming majority of decent Muslims rise up and kick their murdering brethren in the teeth? But, as usual, it seems like the job of taking out someone else's trash falls to the United States.

So, why candy-coat what these sick bastards are doing?

A couple of weeks ago, ISIS doused a caged Jordanian pilot with gasoline and set him on fire. you really have to wonder about what the mindset of sick bastard who could do something like that to another human being. Jordan didn't waste anytime responding to the brutality as they hanged two al Qaeda prisoners the following day. While some people may think that this is a swift and emotional response, you have to realize this......groups like ISIS and al Qaeda only understand one thing: violence. They're like cancer cells and the only way to eradicate them is to kill them.

Obama is quick to point out that all faiths have had their hand in human brutality. While we can likely go back through the centuries to cherry-pick examples to support his claim, what the hell does that have to do with what's going on now? I don't know, maybe I missed something. But I don't recall seeing any recent Christian groups posting videos of decapitations online.

Obama also attempted to make excuses for people who join terrorist groups like ISIS. He blamed it on poverty. Really? Wasn't Osama Bin Laden's father a billionaire? Whatever excuse we want to make about why these sub-human degenerates do what they do, it doesn't diminish the need to squash them. In case I'm not getting my point across, let's try the following analogy:

You leave exposed food lying around your home. Before long, roaches begin to invade you house. Once they show up, they're are here to occupy and wreak havoc. Unless, of course, we kill them. We can try to rationalize their behavior by pointing out that they were attracted by the exposed food. Ok, I got it. But, ultimately, you've still got to call in the exterminator. And you can attempt to downplay the roaches activity by saying, "No insect is without fault. While many people want to bash the roaches, remember this.....Last year, an army of ants hijacked the sugar supply on the kitchen counter. And more recently, a couple of houseflies made their way into the house and inflicted sleep deprivation as they buzzed through our bedroom all night.".....

The bottom line is..........regardless of why they do what they do or who did what before them, you STILL have to kill the cockroaches!!

kw

http://nypost.com/2015/02/18/obama-refuses-to-acknowledge-muslim-terrorists-at-summit/

Methadone Clinics - Coming To a Neighborhood Near You

Over the past week, local tempers have flared up over proposed Methadone clinic in Pasadena. The clinic, which was to be located in a small strip mall on Hog Neck Road, has overloaded the in-boxes of local politicians. And from what I've read, the owner of the proposed clinic has even received death threats. All of the backlash has resulted in the owner scrapping his plans (at least for the Pasadena area).

Methadone clinics, no doubt, have a negative stigma attached to them. The clinics are often associated with higher crimes rates in the surrounding community. I have read news articles and "studies" regarding the effects of methadone clinics on the neighborhood. Somewhat surprising, many of these articles report that there is generally no increase in crime after the opening of this type of clinic.* However, when I asked several police officers, they totally disagreed (But what would they know? They only see this stuff everyday....).

People have varying opinions of drug addition. Is it a disease or a personal choice? And how much responsibility lies on the community to help those who are addicted? Whatever the case, I think we can all agree that drug addiction is an ugly thing. It breaks up families, ruins friendships and destroys lives. So what, if anything, can be done to help these misguided souls?

Shortly after taking office, newly elected Anne Arundel County Executive, Steve Schuh, declared a "state of emergency" regarding heroin addiction in our county. While he agrees that treatment options need to be available for the growing number of addicts, Schuh believes that Methadone clinics should be located in industrial areas, away from schools and residents.**

Schuh's outlook seems to be shared by the majority of Pasadena residents. While many people are in favor of helping drug addicts, they don't want to do in their backyard. There is a lack of trust that lies with these addicts. And residents simply don't want them "hanging around" their neighborhood looking for their next fix, whether it be Methadone or anything else.

I often wondered what would possess someone to even try heroin in the first place. The thought of injecting an unfamiliar street drug into my arm is something I personally can't comprehend. We've all heard how addictive heroin is, so why would anyone set themselves up like this? With these questions racing through my mind, I did a little research and, in a nutshell, this is what I found.....

There is a huge problem with prescription drug abuse in this country. Oxycontin, Percocet, Vicodin and similar drugs are often the "gateway" into addiction for even some of the most unlikely people. While these drugs can no longer be obtained via a doctor's prescription or Emergency Room visits, the person will often resort to buying them on the street. And since drug dealers don't usually honor prescription cards, the cost of the pills can be quite expensive. So, as crazy as it might sound, many of these people will turn to heroin simply because it costs less.

And before long, the number of addicts grows and a Methadone clinic prepares to open another set of doors....

And why exactly are these clinics opened in the first place? Sure, I guess you could say that they're in business to help people kick their drug habit. Someone else might argue that substituting one drug for another is like trading a Sam Adams for a Bud Light. But the one thing that can't be ignored is that Methadone clinics can be very profitable. Substance abuse treatment is an eight billion dollar business. And that figure will continue to grow as more and more people become addicted.

And here's something else to chew on....Methadone clinics are protected under the Americans with Disabilities Act. So, there's a fine line to be walked when dealing with any proposed or existing clinics. In order to be "disabled" under the ADA, a person must be impaired and unable to participate in a "major life activity". While drug abusers are considered impaired under the ADA, there's a gray area about whether or not they can participate in a "major life activity". Yeah, it can get pretty crazy.

In the past, lower income and/or uninsured people would generally go to community Methadone facilities. These clinics were often subsidized in the form of state block grants from the federal government as well as Medicaid. The problem with the community clinics is that there were long lines and they personal care often left a lot to be desired. However, due to recent provisions put in place by the Affordable Care Act (aka Obamacare), many of these folks will now be able to go to the much more efficient private clinics. And these clinics will likely see a sharp increase in business which will ultimately translate into more profits. And if there's money to be made, there will people lining up to capitalize on it. Cha-ching!

.................................................................................................................................................

So, for now, it appears that Pasadena has won the initial battle against the proposed clinic in our community. Kudos to the folks who took the time to voice their opinions, sign the petition*** and write letters to your representatives. It looks like your efforts did indeed make a difference......

kw


* http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2012-04-30/health/bs-hs-methadone-clinic-crime-20120412_1_methadone-clinics-methadone-users-crime-data

** http://www.wbal.com/article/113259/3/schuh-says-more-heroin-treatment-clinics-are-needed-but-not-in-residential-neighborhoods

*** http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/keep-methadone-clinics-mic-out-of-residential-area.html

http://www.nesl.edu/userfiles/file/lawreview/Vol44/1/Voyvodich.pdf

Super Bowl XLIX - A Brief Overview

Another Super Bowl is now officially in the books. Playing with fully inflated balls last night, the Patriots held off Seattle's last ditch attempt for the championship. Pete Carroll's decision to pass from the 1-yard line will go down as the perhaps the worst play-call in Super Bowl history. The look on Richard Sherman's face after the New England interception was priceless. The usually outspoken cornerback was utterly speechless as he watched victory literally being snatched away from the Seahawks in the final minute.

Yep, Sherman's expression says it all.....

I watched the game at the local Greene Turtle. There was a young guy sitting across from us who was wearing a Patriots jersey. Surrounded by mostly Patriot-haters, he took a good amount of verbal abuse during the game. He took it all very well and defended his team throughout. However, when it looked like Seattle was going to win the game, he started to take on the look of a disgruntled postal worker. He blankly stared into space as everyone around him celebrated. Realizing that the guy could be a ticking timebomb, I kept him in my peripheral vision. If he decided hurl a beer mug, I wanted ample time to duck.

Well, when New England intercepted the ball in the end zone, the Pat's fan jumped up like he was hit with a defibrillator. He instantly came out of his trance and loudly reminded everyone that this is New England's fourth Super Bowl title. Yeah, yeah, we can count, buddy. Meanwhile, the rest of the bar was venting with various profanity-laced outbursts. I almost expected to see their beer mugs sailing through the room. But in the end, there were no injuries to report and everyone made it home safely.

................................................................................................................

I could almost feel the pain of Seattle fans. It was their game to win but the Seahawks somehow took the alternative. Pete Carroll's decision to pass on the goal-line will be scrutinized and criticized for quite some time. But, let me say this in Carrol's defense. He decided to pick on undrafted rookie cornerback, Malcolm Butler. From what I understand, Butler was working at a Foot Locker last year. Now, he was in the spotlight in front of millions of people. So, in that sense, I can almost understand going at him with a pass play..........On second thought, scratch that. They should have still pounded Marshawn Lynch up the middle! What the hell was Pete Carroll thinking?!?

With this being said, I don't think last night will really change anything in the way of the Patriot's legacy. For the past decade, as much as I hate to admit it, they've been a great team. Last night's victory is just another feather in their cap. Even if Seattle had won last night, New England's elite status wouldn't have really been affected, in my opinion.

And I must add this.....It was reported earlier today that Tom Brady gave his MVP prize (a Chevy truck) to Malcolm Butler. I'm certainly no Tom Brady fan, but this was a class act on his part. Ok, I'm done now...

It's been quite an eventful season in the NFL this year but it's finally over. See you next year......

kw