As the sun gradually makes it's way over the horizon, I slowly come out of the previous night's slumber. I instantly recognize the sound of electrically-produced heat spilling into the chilly bedroom through a nearby vent. But what really catches my attention is our two cats, who are circling the bedroom and purring relentlessly. This is part of their orchestrated routine to signal us that they want to be fed.
The initial part of the charade usually gets little reaction from Tina nor myself. Although we're both aware of the commotion, we try our best to ignore it and go back to sleep. After all, it is 5:30 on a Saturday morning. However, the cats refuse to go down without a fight. So, the next chapter begins when they jump up on the bed. Now, keep in mind, our one cat (Lester) is quite robust. So, when he pounces on the bed, it's not always as graceful as you might expect. But what he lacks in agility, he more than makes up with determination (to be seen later).
So, with both cats now parading around the bed, their vocals take on the effect of a bad Karaoke singer. But, as hard as it is, Tina and I still try our best to ignore them. After a minute or so of being dismissed, our other cat (Lewis) progresses to the next step of the ritual. He gets right next to Tina's ear and starts making these crazy noises. It's hard to explain but it's kind of like a traditional meow coupled with the sound of a small crow. And to make things a little more confusing, he'll throw in this off-beat clicking noise similar to something you might hear from a distressed beetle.
This sequence of noises has reached the level where it can no longer be ignored. This will usually prompt Tina to come out of her night's coma and shout, "STOP IT! LEAVE ME ALONE" Of course, this only serves to wake me up. As I slowly regain consciousness, I subtlety catch the sideshow in the corner of my eye.
(On a side note, Tina normally defends the cats while they're breaking random objects around our house. But when they break into this primal song-and-dance routine, she finds them just as annoying as I do)
The next step begins when Lewis starts swatting at Tina's head. It's like he's playing with a mouse, except it's a human head in this case. Every now and then, one of his claws will get caught in Tina's hair. This will cause her head to be jerked sharply to one direction as Lewis attempts to free his paw. Meanwhile, Lester, the other cat, causally sits at the foot of the bed and observes as if he's watching an angler land a big fish. It's actually quite comical. But it's easy for me to find humor in it, because like Lester, I'm just a casual observer. This is where Tina usually winds up getting up and sleep-walking down to the kitchen to feed the starving cats. On most days, that's where the antics end.
However, on a rare occasion, when Lewis' efforts are futile, his big brother will jump off of the bed and take matters into his own hands. Refusing to have their food request go unfulfilled, Lester hits the bedroom floor with a ominous thud. I would describe what happens next as the calm before the storm.....
As tranquility seems to temporarily return to bedroom, Tina and I both breathe a sigh of relief as we start to drift back to sleep. Then, just when we think it's over, the room is instantly filled with a rancid stench reminiscent of dumpster juice. From past experiences, it's quite obvious what has just happened....... Lester has dropped a deuce!
This is where I start with my morning rant, "OH, MY GOD! THAT'S NASTY! HOW CAN SOMETHING POSSIBLY SMELL THAT BAD??! I'M GONNA THROW UP! AGGHHH!"
(To enhance this whole scene, imagine "Stray Cat Strut" playing in the background)
This prompts Tina to violently toss the covers off and officially begin her day. Visibly irritated and making her way out of the room with her Medusa-like hair, she'll say, "Alright, alright! I'll feed the cats, for God's sake!"
Of course, I'll throw gas on the fire by saying, "And don't forget to pick up those milk duds that your fat-ass cat left on the carpet!"
We usually stay away from each other until the second cup of coffee kicks in. After that, we're back to normal for the day. But we both know that the bliss is short lived as Sunday morning will be here before we know it. And this routine will replay itself all over again...
Welcome to our world.....:-)
kw
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| Lester (front) and Lewis plotting their next move |