Beer Is Good Food

I remember the old Miller beer commercial: “When it’s time to relax, one beer stands clear……..” Like many other average guys, I like my occasional cold beer(s). All right, who am I trying to kid. I like A LOT of beers. Through the years, I’ve consumed so much beer that it’s a wonder I have any brain cells left. But, somehow, I continue to defy logic and live on!

I consider myself a bit of a beer connoisseur. At this stage of my life, I’ve sampled (and I use that term lightly) almost every variety. Light, dark, flavored, domestic, imported, wheat, unfiltered, etc. I have very seldom met a beer that I didn’t like. And it works both ways because a beer has never crossed my path that didn’t say, “Drink me!” As a result, we have built a rock solid relationship over the years.


The type of beer a man drinks can tell you something about him.

• A light beer drinker is possibly watching his weight and doesn’t really care about taste. Or, I dunno, he might just be a pussy.

• A micro-brewed beer drinker might be sophisticated and independent. He probably drives a BMW or an expensive sports car. He also might be an egotistical asshole.

• A straight up Budweiser drinker likely owns a pick-up truck stocked with Lynyrd Skynyrd CD’s. And he’s always got a 55-gallon drum of whup-ass he’s ready to dump on someone. So, do yourself a favor and stay out of this guy’s way! By the way, this is probably the same guy who will crush a beer can on his forehead.

• A person who sits at a bar and switches between different beers is a bartender’s worst nightmare. He’s probably a guy who can never make up his mind on anything. Or he might just have ADD.

• A person who drinks his beer out of a forty-ounce bottle in a paper bag probably owns an unregistered handgun and the latest Snoop Doggy Dogg CD.


Drunk (no pun intended) in moderation, beer not only tastes good but it becomes a conversation enhancer. After a couple of cold ones, I sometimes find myself uttering words that I didn’t know were in my vocabulary. For instance, after being three sheets to the wind, I might say something like, "Excuse my abruptness, but that's a delectable f*cking lunch meat tray!" Ironically, after too many beers, the uttering can quickly change to bumbling. Like Clint Eastwood used to say, “A man must know his limitations”. Personally, I often wind up saying, “In all of the confusion I kind of lost count. Was it five or was it six?” Wait a minute; Clint Eastwood said that too, didn’t he?

Another benefit of drinking beer is that it has the tendency to make people more interesting. I’m serious. Sometimes I’ll walk into a party and see people that I really have no interest in talking to. However, after knocking back a few pints, these idiots don’t seem that bad anymore. By the end of the night, I’ll usually say something like, “It was great talking to you. I really can’t understand why everyone thinks you’re an asshole.”

Think about it. Your wife asks you go to some boring social gathering. Relax. As long as there's beer there, you're going to meet some interesting people.

And, not that I’m talking from personal experience, but I’ve been told that beer can make members of the opposite sex seem MUCH more attractive. You walk into the bar and see Frankenstein’s daughter. By last call, she’s somehow transformed herself into Angelina Jolie. Not sure how this happens….

Benjamin Franklin was once quoted as saying, “Beer is proof that God loves us.” Interesting theory but I would like to add a line to Ben’s revelation: “Hangover’s are proof that God wants us drink in moderation.” Hangovers! What kind of bullshit is this? It’s like cashing in your winning lottery ticket only to be robbed as you leave the bank.

Anyone who’s ever been the victim of a hangover knows exactly what I’m talking about. After a night of fun and frolic, the fee will come due the next morning. And it will come in the form of a pounding headache, nausea and the general feeling of wishing you were somewhere or someone else. Chirping birds will feel like sledge hammers upon your skull. Walking from one end of the house to the other will feel like a cross-country journey. The ringing of the phone will be more than you can possibly handle! And of course, you’ll swear that you’ll never drink again but we all know that’s just the pain talking. If someone could ever come up with a hangover proof beer, he’d become an instant millionaire.

With this being said, beer is indeed good food. Cheers!

KW

September 11 - Eight Years Later

It’s hard to believe that it’s been eight years since a group of peaceful Muslims murdered close to 3000 innocent bystanders on American soil. It’s a day that will forever be burned into my mind. And yes, I’m still pissed about it!

Some people said we had it coming. More troubling was that some of these idiots were actually American. And Obama’s beloved Reverend (Jeremiah Wright) of twenty years explained that “the chickens have come home to roost". And Obama's recent pick for Green Czar, Van Jones, thinks that George Bush had something to do with 9/11! This amazes me. I got some of my own words for these people. If you think America is so bad and deserved what happened on September 11, 2001, then why don’t you pack your bags and GET THE F*CK OUT OF THIS COUNTRY!!!

Let me ask these spineless scumbags a few questions:

· Did two-thousand children deserve to become orphans on that day?
· 343 brave New York City Firefighters perished on that day. How did they have this coming?
· Did 2-year old Christine Hanson deserve to die? She was on United Flight 175 and on her way to her first trip to Disneyland.
· 200 desperate people jumped to their deaths from the World Trade Center. What did they do to deserve this fate?
· Did thousands of our brave soldiers deserve to be killed and maimed in the war on terror stemming from 9/11?

I love this country. The memories of what happened eight years ago are still as vivid as if they happened yesterday. So no, I don’t have much tolerance for anyone that says that we were, in any way, responsible for what happened on the fateful day. If you want to point the finger at someone, here’s an idea. How about blaming one of those “peaceful” Islamic extremist assholes with the boxcutters? Oh, I’m sorry, did you say I’m racially profiling? Well, f*ck you and the camel you rode in on!

And thank God we had George Bush in the White House eight years ago. If Al Gore was in charge he would have probably said that the burning twin towers were a result of global warming.. And can you imagine what Obama would have done? He would have probably invited Bin Laden over to the White house for a beer!

If I still sound a little pissed, you bet your ass I am!

So, here we are, eight years after that horrible day. The good news is that there have been no subsequent attacks since then. For this, I thank the brave men and women of our military. You are the best and your country owes you a debt of gratitude. And thanks to the CIA and FBI for doing a superb job.

God Bless America!

KW

Town Hall Nazis?

When Barrack Obama ran for President, he promised (among other things) that he’d be the Great Uniter. He would bring the country together and put an end to partisan politics. He was going to “reach across the aisle” and work with the Republicans for the good of the country. Yada, yada, yada……

The country is now more divided than anytime that I can ever remember. The Health Care Reform Town Hall meetings have shown that citizens have had enough of Obama’s bullshit. And the members of Congress are definitely feeling the pressure. Do they blindly stick by their man and risk defeat in the next election? Or do they represent the people and risk being excluded from the next tree hugging festival?

The town hall meetings have shown that not everyone in America is drinking the Obama Kool-Aid. Americans who are concerned with the future of this country have blasted their representatives over the health care bill. I can’t say that I haven’t enjoyed watching it! Let these bastards squirm. They’ve been dicking the American people around for way too long. It's time they started listening to us!

And how do the libs respond to the citizens that oppose Obama’s radical ideas? They call them Nazi’s, of course. And some even call them racists. Well, Obama is indeed half black. So, I guess in their eyes, if you’re white, anything you say against Obama automatically qualifies you as a closet Klansman. (I’ll have to check with Reverend Jeremiah Wright for more info on the whole racism thing).

Let me tell you something, you assholes! People that show up to voice their opposition to health care reform aren’t Nazi’s! And they’re not racists either! They’re just concerned citizens that expect their representatives to REPRESENT them! And, yes they’re loud and vocal about it! Maybe now there will be no mistake about how the people feel!

When the left was protesting President Bush for everything under the sun, did conservatives call them Nazis? Of course, not. We just called them clueless liberal assholes. The word "Nazi" has such a negative connotation.

Regarding the whole health care issue, Obama would have been better off taking things nice and slow. Who knows? Maybe he could have pulled the wool over our eyes. But when you try to ram something down someone’s throat, it tends to wake a person up! And the voters are now wide awake. It must really suck to be a Congressman right now!

KW

Whose Side Are You On?

I’ve always had my doubts about Obama’s feelings towards our military. In fact, I’ve questioned whether or not he even loves the United States. After all, he spent a fair amount of time globetrotting on the World Apology Tour not too long ago. And my stomach turned upside down when he bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia.

Then he became concerned with how terror suspects were treated under the Bush Administration. Obama was worried that their “rights” were being violated. Of course, much of this so called “abuse” was conducted at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp in Cuba. Not long after Obama became President, he signed an executive order to have the prison shut down within a year. The prisoners were likely to be brought back to the US until they could be tried with the same rights as an American citizen! Keep in mind, these assholes HATE everything about America. And now, Obama wants to treat them like they’re John F*cking Wayne!

Now, Obama is going to have the CIA investigated for their interrogation techniques of suspected terrorists. (Of course, he makes it seem like it’s Attorney General Eric Holder’s idea). It doesn’t matter that the CIA has likely saved American lives as a result of these interrogations. They could possibly face prison time now if they’re found guilty of violating the terrorists rights! A great way to thank them, huh?

I’m definitely starting to wonder whose side our President is on. He seems to be more sympathetic to terrorists than to the brave men and woman who protect us from them!

GIVE ME A F*CKING BREAK!

Think about it. Who in the hell would want to sign up to be an interrogator with this kind of bullshit hanging over your head? The same thing goes for the soldiers in the field. These guys have to make split second decisions that could result in life or death. Now, they’re supposed to stop and think about it? The liberal politicians need to back the hell off and let these guys do their job without fear of prosecution from their own government!

In a time of war, I say f*ck the rules of engagement. It’s kill or be killed in many cases. Why should our soldiers have to be fired upon first in order to take the enemy out? It’s real easy for liberal politicians to sit back and scrutinize a soldier’s actions after the fact. But the majority of them wouldn’t have the balls to do what our soldiers do. (And although Nancy Pelosi might possess a set of balls, she lacks guts!) Let the men on the ground do what they have to do. Although our appeasing President might not feel the same way, I trust these guys to do what’s best.

A word to the liberals: The US Armed Forces are the best fighting machine in the world. So, go hug your tree and quit trying to make pussies out of them! If you guys ran the country during World War II, we'd all be speaking German today!

And by the way, f*ck the American media for portraying soldiers and interrogators as the bad guys. I believe they’re largely responsible for feeding this bullshit to the liberals and creating this situation.

I am totally convinced now that Obama wants the US to lose. I think its all part of his master plan of crippling this country to the point where the government will seem to be our only salvation. Then he can rebuild us according to his socialist ideology.

To the military, CIA, FBI and everyone else that keeps us safe, I say thank you for a job well done. Our President may not show much gratitude. But the majority of America is still on your side!

KW

Social Parasites

To say the government is inefficient is surely an understatement. But what always blows me away is the amount of people that take advantage of this inefficiency. And it tends to be people that aren't, how can I put this nicely, as cerebrally advanced as the rest of the population.

It's a never ending cycle in a lot of parasitic families. The kids grow up in a household with expectations of entitlement. They feel like the government's sole purpose is to provide them with a living. The thought of pulling their own weight never enters the equation. Most Americans go to work every day, live within their means, pay their share of the taxes and sacrifice things so their children might have a chance to have a better life than they did. Basically, it boils down to being responsible.

The social parasite looks at the world in a whole other way. They are always looking for what they can get for free. If they have to lie in order to get those government entitlements, it's all part of the game as far as they're concerned. They don't want to work (who does!), so they might make up a story about being "disabled". There are times when this is perfectly legitimate and I have no problem with these people getting the help that they need. However, I get tired of the perfectly healthy SP's making up stories about a bad back, personality disorders, etc. News flash: most people have sore backs! But they still pull their weight and go to work everyday!

I hear stories about people getting SSI checks because they have issues with anger, depression, alcohol, bi-polar disorders, etc. Again, some may be legit, but most are total bullshit. If you've got issues with anger, grow up! Most people get past anger issues when they're ten years old.

And let me say something about alcoholism and drug abuse. It is not a disease. It's a choice. If you become addicted, it's because YOU allowed yourself to do so. Take some responsibility for a change! Don't expect me to me to support your sorry ass because you can’t put down the crack pipe! It’s not my problem and I don’t feel sorry for you! If life isn’t working out the way you planned, try doing something PRODUCTIVE! You might be surprised at the results.

We all know someone who has received welfare checks, food stamps, WIC, etc. When used for the right reasons, I believe these are great programs. Anyone can hit a bump in the road. And I have no problem helping them get up and on their way to a better life. However, for the social parasite, the government handouts are viewed more as a long term solution. They’ll take everything they can get and then ask for more.

And why do the poorest women tend to have the most babies? I’ll tell you why. It’s so they can get more money from the government. I have personally heard of social parasites bragging about how much money they get for each illegitimate baby. There’s probably a distinct sound of “ching ching” in the operating room as the newborn is delivered. And the checks keep rolling in for the next eighteen years!

Moving on, I’m no fan of Section 8 housing. Here’s a brief explanation. The government finds a poor family that can’t afford a home. They find a nice home in an established community. The government then moves the family of hoodlums into the home and picks up most of the expenses. The new residents destroy the home and proceed to put the “hood” in their new neighborhood. And we all pay for it!

I’m tired of picking up the tab for these assholes. And with President Obama’s socialist views, things will likely get a hell of a lot worse. At some point, maybe we should all quit our jobs and live off of the sagging tit of the American government.

Now, there’s some hope and change for ya!

KW

National Felon League

Remember the days when you’d watch your favorite football player running down field and scoring one for the home team? Nowadays, it seems like professional football players spend just as much time running from the police!

The latest prison sentence of NY Giants wide receiver, Plaxico Burress, continues a trend of NFL’ers in trouble with the law. It seems like they make as many headlines off the field these days as they do for their actions on the field.

Back in the day, professional footballs players would blow off some steam after the big game by knocking back beers with teammates. Yeah, they may have gotten a little loud, but for the most part, no one got hurt. Today, when ball players head out to "celebrate', there's no telling what can happen!

Most people have heard about the Michael Vick dog fighting ordeal. Vick recently completed an eighteen month prison stint for his illegal dog fighting activities. I personally think that he’s a sadistic asshole and shouldn’t be allowed back into the NFL. But no sooner Vick changed out of his prison jumpsuit, the Philadelphia Eagles signed him to $1.6 million contract (there’s a second year option worth $5.2 million). I guess crime does pay! I hope the Eagles never win another game with Vick on the team.

Adam “Pacman” Jones from the Dallas Cowboys could probably be considered the undisputed champion of the National Felon League. Because of his regular brushes with the law, some fans affectionately refer to him as “Crimetime”. Nice! During his few years as a Tenneessee Titan, Crimetime was in trouble for assault, vandalism, drug possession, disorderly conduct, a nightclub shooting, and punching a woman in the face at a strip club. After the Titans got tired of his bullshit and cut him, the Dallas Cowboys thought it would be a good idea to sign him. Of course, it didn’t take long for Crimetime to find trouble again. Big surprise!

When it comes to “all-crime” teams, the Cincinnati Bengals win hands down! In roughly a one year span, between 2006-2007, ten Bengal’s players were arrested for a variety of charges. The team actually had more arrests than wins during this time! There’s a great trivia question to throw at the guys the next time you’re knocking back a few beers! My prediction for Cincinnati’s upcoming season is 10-5-1. Ten arrests, five convictions and one mistrial.

I’m a Baltimore Raven’s fan. I look forward to watching the game every week with family and friends. However, the Ravens have had their share of legal problems. Most notably, the arrest of Ray Lewis for a double murder in Atlanta several years ago. Lewis ultimately took a plea deal and wasn’t convicted for the murders. And Baltimore fans quickly forgot about the whole thing. It’s almost as if fans have the attitude, “He’s a helluva linebacker! Who cares what he does off the field?”

If there’s anything positive to say about OJ Simpson, it’s this: At least he waited until after his playing days were over to start his life of crime!

I don’t know what to make out of all of this. It’s almost like it’s now acceptable to dabble in crime if you’re in the NFL. Whatever happened to accountability? The role model days of Johnny Unitas and Tony Dorsett and pretty much over.

I get a kick out of commentators saying things like, “Well, Joe Running Back is a pretty straight guy. He’s never had any issues with the law.” YOU”RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE ANY ISSUES WITH THE LAW! Especially, if you’re a multi-million dollar professional football player!

KW

A Road Rant

When will people learn how to drive? And more importantly, when will people learn be courteous to other drivers? Especially, me! I’m tired of this bullshit and I’m going to tell you about it!

The left lane is for PASSING! If cars to the right of you are zooming by, that’s a pretty good sign that you’ve got a line of pissed off drivers behind you. Get your ass out of the way. NOW! There’s nothing I hate worse than jumping into the fast lane only to have to slam on my brakes!

And why do some people insist on coming to a complete stop before making a right hand turn? It’s like they can’t decide whether to actually commit or not. GO! Unless there’s a stop sign, red light or a puppy in the road, you should keep moving!

Why do some idiots insist on announcing their stupidity to the world by blaring rap “music” from their car stereos? I’m a white, middle class Republican. Do you really think I’m going to appreciate Snoop Dogg singing about bitches and ho’s? Turn the damned stereo down! Some words of advice: It’s better to be thought of as an asshole than to blare your rap music and remove all doubt!

Why do ignorant assholes throw trash out of their car windows? Are you too freggin’ lazy to carry it to the trash can when you get to your next stop? Maybe you’re just too stupid! Or, maybe that's just how your grandmother raised you? When I see morons doing this, my blood pressure immediately goes up and I impulsively want put my foot in their ass!

And what's up with the dirt bikes weaving in and out of city traffic at 100 mph? I know it's wrong, but when I see these idiots doing this, I almost wish they would clip the front bumper of one the cars that they're speeding past. That might teach them and the rest of their nonconforming buddies a hard lesson! They call them DIRT bikes for a reason, asshole! And while we're talking about idiots on dirt bikes...don't have your family blaming the police when they chase you and you wind up in Shock Trauma! You put yourself there when you decided to become a rebel!

And don’t even get me started on drivers yapping on their cell phones. When did it become necessary to start a phone conversation immediately after starting the car? Take a look around the next time your on the road. I’d be willing to bet that more than half of the clueless drivers out there have a cell phone up to their ear. What conversation could be so important that you’d risk your life (and mine!) for it? Get an earpiece or headset for God's sake, before you kill somebody!

And for the gear heads who are always roaring their engines through the neighborhood, what the f*ck is your problem? I’ll be enjoying some quiet time by the pool when out of nowhere…… RUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM! Son of a bitch! What could possibly be the purpose for this kind of bullshit? Are you trying to compensate for something?

I’m all about the freedom of speech. But it pisses my off that liberals can plaster their anti-Bush bumper stickers all over their cars but I can’t display my anti-Obama sticker. You know damned well that if I did, my car would be vandalized beyond recognition by a person of tolerance and diversity!

I’ve got to come up with something to relive stress while I’m driving or I’m going to blow a gasket! I think it's ridiculous that these assholes make me use four letter words that would make a gangsta rapper blush. I dunno, maybe I’ll keep a dozen eggs in my glove box. When some knuckle-head does something to piss me off, I’ll just roll down the window and splatter a couple across his windshield. That should get his attention. Something’s got to be done to send a message!

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I don’t condone road rage. But I can certainly understand it!


KW