A Word On College Mascots

I always enjoy watching the NCAA "March Madness" college basketball tournament. For me, it’s the most exciting sporting event of the year. Each game is played with great intensity as the "one and done" situation sends the losing team home. But aside from all of the excitement of the games themselves, I always get a kick out of the team mascots.

Animals always make great mascots. There’s the cats: Lions, Tigers, Panthers, Cougars, Wildcats and Bobcats. There's also some dogs: Retrievers, Great Danes, Bulldogs, Huskies and the ever popular Salukis. And, of course there’s a variety of birds:, Eagles, Owls, Fightin' Blue Hens, Seahawks, Jayhawks, Skyhawks, Redhawks and just plain ol’ Hawks. Some teams are even named after bugs: Yellow Jackets, Hornets and Spiders. Of course, I’m partial to the mighty Terrapins of Maryland. (For those who don’t know, a terrapin is a bad ass turtle!)

All of these sound formidable to some degree. After all, isn’t the idea to intimidate the opposing team? With that being said, I have to wonder about the thought that went behind some of the team’s names. Here are a few that I don’t completely understand:

Oregon Ducks – Unless you just washed your car, how could you be intimidated of a bunch of ducks?

Bucknell Bison – Just sounds like a bunch of bullsh*t to me.

Idaho Vandals – What do they do to warm up, spray paint graffiti on the backboards?

USC Trojans – Come on! Condoms can’t play basketball!

Utah Runnin' Utes - Reminds me of the scene in My Cousin Vinny where the cook asks Joe Pesci, "What the hell's a yute?"

Marist Red Foxes - After a bad play, I wonder if the coach ever yells, "Hey, you big dummy"!

Notre Dame Fighting Irish – Sure, a pissed off Irish guy is a great mascot. But what’s he doing representing a school with a French name?

West Virginia Mountaineers – I don’t know, this one just sounds too much like a sequel to Deliverance.

Stanford Cardinal – What happened to the “s”?

Delta State Fighting Okra - A fighting asparagus could be a little intimidating. A fighting okra, not so much...

Oregon State Beavers – Really? Do I even have to explain why this name might be a bad idea?

Nebraska Corn Huskers - Nothing intimidates another team like a bunch of guys husking corn.

Vanderbilt Commodores – I guess these guys enter the court singing, “She’s a brick house??”

St. Mary Gaels – Hail, Hail, Hail! What the hell’s a Gael???

Houston Cougars – Can a bunch of horny middle aged women really be taken seriously??

Arizona State Sun Devils – Sponsored by Coppertone?

Kent. St. Golden Flashes - Sounds too much like a symptom of menopause.

On a positive note, here are some of my favorite mascots: the Wake Forest Demon Deacons, the UNLV Runnin’ Rebels, the Crimson Tide of Alabama, and the Maryland Terrapins (did I mention that it’s a bad ass turtle?)


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