Memorial Day

By now, most of us are fully absorbed into the long Memorial Day weekend. Maybe you're spending some time at the beach. Or perhaps you're preparing for the family cookout. No matter what is on your agenda this weekend, please take a moment to remember what Memorial Day is all about.

Whether it involved the storming of the beaches of Normandy, trudging through the jungles of Vietnam or sweating it out in the desserts of Iraq, our military has always stepped up to the plate. And although the outcomes have been different over the years, our brave men and women of the US military have consistently shined. Because when the going gets tough, they go in and take care of business. And although they sometimes might be scared as hell, they do it anyway. And that, my friends, is the definition of bravery!

Keep in mind that many of our soldiers went right from high school into the battlefield. They never got  the chance to spend the summer at the beach drinking beer and chasing girls. Instead, they spent their days halfway around the world dodging stray bullets, ambushes and roadside bombs. And when we send our sons and daughters into these conflicts. we're always optimistic that they'll return home safely. You really have to have that mindset to get through it.  And while most of them do indeed return home safely, some do not......

So many of our brave men and women of the U.S. military gave all to preserve the freedoms that we still enjoy in America today. For anyone who ever served our country, I sincerely thank you. But to those who made the ultimate sacrifice, I can't put my gratitude into words. You will never be forgotten and our country is forever in your debt. 

Please keep these brave men and women in your your thoughts, not only today, but everyday. Without their unselfish dedication and brave sacrifice, we would not have this beautiful thing we call freedom. 



kw

Random Things That Annoy Me

1. Squirrels - If you're going to go, then GO! Why do you run halfway into the street then break into a Michael Jackson routine?? If you want to know why the squirrel crossed the road, he didn't. He got squashed halfway through his moonwalk!

2. Women who ask men - "Do these pants make my ass look fat?" - Come on, Ladies. If you gotta ask, you probably already know the answer. Why drag us into it??

3. Grocery store employees - Don't ask if there's anything you can help me with, then look at me funny when I say, "Yeah, where can I find the barbarque pork rinds?"

4. Camel Crickets - Indigenous to Glen Burnie, these things are not only ugly, but they're extremely aggressive. It's not uncommon to see one of them waiting patiently on the ceiling like a ninja ready to pounce on you. Your only defense is an open flame and a can of hair spray. (Be careful around the curtains)

5. Dreadlocks - Unless you can do a kick-ass version of  "No Woman, No Cry", it's time to wash your hair.

6. Smart Cars - They actually look kind of stupid to me......

7. Plumbing Projects - No matter how much duct tape I use, there will always be a leak.

8. Bees - I tested that old wives tale about "if you don't bother them, they won't bother you". The result? An excruciating painful burning sensation that throbbed for several hours.

9. Electronics - Ten minutes after I buy the latest and greatest gadget, they come out with a new and improved version.

10. Old Wannabe Rock Stars - The Iggy Pop look just doesn't fly when you're working at the local Radio Shack. The time to lose the ear rings, torn jeans and fish head tennis shoes is long overdue.

11. Humidity. If it weren't for cigars, humidity would have no use at all.

12. DJ's who say "This one goes out by request." - As if that somehow makes the song better. 


13. People who drive 20 mph under the posted speed limit - My blood pressure always goes through the roof when I get behind one of these drivers. I'm really concerned that one day my head will explode.

14. Check out lines -When a new line opens, why is it that the last person in the old line always gets to be the first person in the new line? I always feel the urge to trip them as they pass me.

15. Crooked baseball caps - Are you a dumbass? Or are you just trying to look like one?

16. Pot holes - When people turn up missing in Baltimore, the city's pot holes would be a great place to start the search. (I once saw a low-riding Cadillac Eldorado with spinner rims get swallowed up near the Lexington Market.)

17. Cigarette smoke - Yeah, I smoke an occasional cigar, but it's different.

18. Hard boiled eggs. I don't particularly like the taste of them, plus they smell like ass.

19. The emergency room - You can always count on kids running rampant and at least one redneck sleeping across three or four seats. And, of course, you have to listen to bitching and moaning from almost everyone else.

20. Loudmouths with cell phones - I can't stand when my own conversation is drowned out by some moron on a cell phone at the next table. I'm not the least bit interested in hearing about your favorite American Idol contestant or what you've got planned for the weekend.

21. Pseudo handicapped people - I'm talking about the ones who will pull into a handicapped spot (with handicapped tags), then sprint to the front door like Carl Lewis.

22. The Baltimore Orioles - Remember when they used to win?? Contrary to popular belief, the movie Eight Men Out was not based on the Oriole's starting line-up.

23. Commercials - Years ago, wasn't cable television offered (for a fee) so we wouldn't have to sit through commercials? What happened? Thank God for DVR's!

24, Leaves - Why can't they just be happy and stay in the tree??

25. The door lady at the local BJ's - You know the one...(Hello, how are you, thank you, bye-bye, how ya doin', have a good one, ok, bye-bye now). The other day she had the line backed up halfway through the store!

KW

Will Work For Food (and Kung Fu Lessons)

As I sit at a random red light in the city, I see a man in dirty tattered clothing weaving his way through the stopped traffic. He’s got a barely legible cardboard sign in one hand and a large plastic cup in the other. For the most part, everyone pretends not to notice him. But every now and then, someone will reach out and drop a few coins into the man’s cup. If someone’s feeling especially generous, he might collect a dollar bill. As the light turns green, he scurries back to the median and waits for his next opportunity. This ritual continues indefinitely……

Between my job and my various social activities, I spend a fair amount of time in downtown Baltimore. I never have to drive too far before I start to run into the panhandlers with the “Will Work For Food” signs. It’s easy enough to feel sorry for these people, but after you see enough of them you naturally start to get numb to the whole thing.

I often wondered how these people wound up in such a state of despair. I mean, it must be really bad when you’ve exhausted any hint of hospitality from your family and/or friends. Who knows, maybe these people have no family. But nonetheless, it’s pretty pathetic to have to rely on the sympathy of total strangers for support. You really have to wonder about the story behind some of these people.

There’s one guy who sets up shop downtown on President Street near the Jones Falls Expressway. The initial sight of him tells me that his life has been less than ideal. The poor guy has three prosthetic limbs. Yes, three! It’s sad to watch him hobble through the traffic on his two artificial legs. But when he struggles to grasp his collection cup with his left hook, it's almost too much too take. Not surprising, the “crowd” usually has a pretty easy time finding a buck of two for him.

Before the County Executive clamped down on panhandling in my town, we had our share of interesting street peddlers.. For instance, there was a heavy set guy who used to work various parts of Ritchie Highway. Judging from the guy’s weight, he seemed to be eating pretty good (which casts a little suspicion on the whole "begging for food" thing). But the thing that stood out the most on this guy was the gaping open wound on his lower leg. I honestly don’t know how gangrene didn’t eventually set it. But for what seemed like years, this guy would work the traffic with his rotting leg in full view. Even in the winter, he would roll up his pants leg on the bad leg to make sure everyone saw it. (One time I caught sight of it just as I bit into a 7-11 Big Bite. Let's just say that my appetite quickly disappeared.)

Amazingly, this guy somehow had the ability to get around. Through the years, I’ve also seen him panhandling near Camden Yards, the corner of Falls Road and Northern Parkway and once, across town on Security Boulevard. Not bad for a guy who’s leg appears ready to fall off. I guess in the world of panhandlers, he would be considered to be “on tour”.

There was also a strange woman who used to do her thing on the corner of Ritchie Highway and Jumpers Hole Road. I don’t want to be too harsh, but this woman was right out of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. She would dance and sing for every new batch of stopped cars. She would sometimes spit out quotes of famous people then transition into a radio DJ routine. Then other times, she would go into a delusional rant then spontaneously break into tears. In an instant, it could go from being humorous to downright disturbing. I really felt bad for this woman and truly believe that she was mentally ill. I have no idea what ever happened to her. I hope she got the help she needed or at least wound up in a better place…..

And to lighten things up, some panhandlers like to get creative. On a recent trip to New York City, my brother-in-law and I met an interesting guy. While we were sitting in an Irish bar on Broadway, a homeless guy was out front was flipping through a series of signs in an attempt to get our attention. We eventually went outside and joked with the man. Surprisingly, he was friendly and in great spirits (as were we, thanks to the attentiveness of the bartender at the Irish bar!). One of the guy’s signs said, “Ninjas kidnapped my family. I need money for Kung Fu lessons!” (There were a few others that are probably best left unsaid). He had us rolling! We wound up dropping him a few bucks for the entertainment.

I’m sure you have seen your own cast of characters on the streets. Maybe you’ve even seen the ones I’ve described. I’m not saying that some or even most of these people didn’t put themselves in these positions. There’s no doubt in my mind, that if you helped some of these people, they would inevitably wind up back they started. And I can certainly understand the frustration with that. After all, if someone doesn’t want to help themselves, then why should I feel compelled to do it?

But nonetheless, the panhandlers with the cardboard signs are always going to be there. And whether they’re working for food, booze or Kung Fu lessons, they’ll always spark an interest in their own peculiar ways…..

KW

The Big Spill

So, here we are, thirty-four days into the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. And it still doesn’t appear that anyone has a clue how to stop it. The blame game is usually reserved for the aftermath in situations like this. But with the monstrosity of this one, everyone is already going on the defensive and pointing the finger at someone else.

And, let’s face it, this is a no win situation. The Obama administration knows this. That’s why they’ve sat back and idly watched the multiple failed attempts by BP to plug the leak. Nothing good can come out of this, so not surprising,  the administration has conveniently distanced itself from it as long as possible (If Bush were in office, the media would have already tarred and feathered him. No pun intended.)  But like it or not, eventually someone is going to have to take control of this.

(On a side note, Obama received $77,000 in campaign contributions from BP. And you thought only Republicans were buddies with the oil companies?)

Some members of the Obama administration flew over the site of the spill earlier today. Afterwards, at the press conference, the blame game continued. All I heard was, “It’s BP’s fault. BP will be held responsible. BP will pay for the cleanup.” (Well, I guess they can’t blame Bush this time, so BP works just fine).

Ok, so it’s BP’s fault. I think we’ve got that. But let’s not loose sight of the fact that THE OIL IS STILL GUSHING OUT!!!! Will someone please do something before the whole freggin’ gulf coast is destroyed??? Call me selfish, but I love those “Maryland” blue crabs that come from Louisiana! I prefer mine with Old Bay, not Gulf Oil!!!

What blows my mind about this whole thing is that there didn’t seem to be any contingency plan in place. I mean, when the oil guys are sitting around having a few beers, don’t they ever say, “Hey man, what the hell would we do if we ever sprung a leak???” I would have to think that it came up at some point!

So, BP’s next attempt to stop the leak will involve shooting cement in to the hole. We’re being told the chance of success is sixty to seventy percent. For the sake of the gulf region, I hope it works!

KW

The Keystone Cops

I’ve written about “security” guards in the past, but like Wal-Mart, they’re always good for another story or two. It still amazes me that some of the very people who are in a position of “protection” are often less effective than a scarecrow in an urban vegetable garden.

Speaking of Wal-Mart, the other day I was doing a little shopping at one of the local stores. The first thing I noticed was the “guard” near the front entrance. I’m guessing the guy was about eighty-five. And that’s just his weight! His age was probably closer to ninety-five! Seriously, how could this guy possibly intimidate any potential shoplifter (or worse)? I mean, what’s he’s going to do, trip them up with his walker? And any excitement would certainly have huge potential for a massive heart attack. And to make matters worse, the poor guy had his uniform pants hiked up to his chest. Not exactly the embodiment of an authority figure....

I was in another building recently where the “security” guard was quite the contrast of the Wal-Mart guard. This guy was fairly young but instead of eighty-five pounds, he probably weighed closer to four eighty-five! Watching this guy struggle to stand up was pretty sad. Although I felt sorry for him, I couldn’t help feeling a little anger towards the idiots that put him in this position. It was like a cruel joke. If a situation arose where the guy had to draw his gun, I don’t even think he could reach it.

And the last time I went through an airport, some of the TSA agents looked more like regulars on America's Most Wanted than security personnel. As I removed my watch and wallet and ran them through the metal detector, I quietly reminded the guard that I wanted them back. He looked at me like I was nuts, but I hear the stories.

And the mall cops are always a treat, especially in the malls that are located in the seedy parts of town. They only thing these guys have going for them is their youth. Most of the ones I see are usually in their early to mid-twenties. But seeing that they don’t carry guns and don’t appear to be MMA fighters, the odds are clearly stacked against them.

Several years ago, I saw the aftermath of a stabbing at a suburban Baltimore mall (true story). As the victim laid bleeding profusely in the middle of the food court, the suspects (who I’m assuming were young gang members) scurried through the crowd and easily made their escape. In their defense, what could the mall cops possible do? Maybe the guards could have shined their flashlights in their faces? I dunno.....

Fortunately, the real cops quickly appeared on the scene and everyone felt safer. The food court was roped off and treated as a crime scene. (I was a little upset because I left half of a Subway Spicy Italian on the table and wasn’t allowed to go back and get it. But that’s another story….)

It’s actually scary when you think about these kinds of things. And let’s face it, it’s never going to get any better. Basically, you get what you pay for. You’re not going to get Steven Seagal for a security guard when you’re paying minimum wage. So, we’ll continue to rely on the Keystone Cops to protect us………………

KW

Don't Tread On Arizona

So, here we go again! This time the Messiah has outdone himself. Instead of apologizing across the world on behalf of America, President Obama brings President Calderon (of Mexico) to the White House lawn for some good old fashioned Arizona bashing!

Will someone answer this for me? Why does Obama hate our country so much? It’s bad enough to be an apologist, but to stand next to a foreign leader on American soil and listen to him criticize our immigration laws is mind numbing! Ironically, Mexico has much tighter immigration laws than the United States. People coming into Mexico illegally on it’s southern border are likely to have their skulls cracked open by the Mexican Army. But did Obama ever even think about bringing that up? Hell, no! 

So, now we’re forced to listen to more bullshit from both Presidents about how racial profiling is going to run rampant and how civil liberties will inevitably be trampled upon as a result of the new Arizona immigration law. And even though there have been specific modifications to the Arizona law to prevent these types of things, it makes no difference. Because the most prominent critics of the bill haven’t even read it! In just the past week, the Attorney General and Secretary of Homeland Security admitted that they hadn’t read the bill. But they still go out and bash it! Yeah, that makes perfect sense! (By the way, the Arizona Immigration Law SB 1070 is only about sixteen pages long!)

On the issue of profiling, I am sick and tired of the race card being thrown into every controversial issue in this country. If we’re such a racist nation, how did a black man named Barrack Hussein Obama who grew up in Indonesia ever get elected to the highest office in the country? And how did a Lebanese immigrant named Rima Fakih win the 2010 Miss America contest?

Back to the point…...

Watching the Mexican President stand next to Obama and criticize one of our beloved states is infuriating! Come on Barrack, defend us for God’s sake!! I’m sorry, but a foreign leader shouldn't come onto American soil and criticize the way a state chooses to enforce their laws. Besides, it’s not like the Mexican government is a beacon of integrity. So, where does Caldron get off telling Arizona how to govern?

And if all of this wasn’t hard enough to take, yesterday Calderon addressed a joint session of Congress and continued to criticize Arizona’s immigration law. And most Democrats gave him standing ovation! Are you freggin' kidding me?? Who’s side are you guys on??

So, while hoards of Calderon’s people continue to illegally spill across the border into Arizona, the two Presidents still seem to think that Governor Jan Brewer is the “misguided” one. Hey, someone has to have the balls to deal with illegal immigration! And Obama is about as ballsy as a neutered cat, so count him out. He’s too worried about offending the ethnicity of the day and securing the Hispanic vote for his party.

And just think. We thought Jimmy Carter was a pussy! Obama makes the old peanut farmer look like Jack f*cking Bauer!

KW

Quiet Time

Everyone has their own unique way of relaxing. Me?  I like to sit out in my back yard in the morning or early evening and read. Reading has a way of easing my mind as well as enhancing it at the same time. Whether I’m reading a book or watching a movie, I like to fully absorb the material in order to appreciate it. But, for me anyway, this requires concentration. And this can sometimes be a problem……….

I’m not sure why, but every time I start to read, there will be something to inevitably distract me. A few weeks ago, no sooner I sit down in my Adirondack chair and crack open a book, someone starts revving up a chainsaw. All day long it’s quiet, but as soon as I try to relax, one of my neighbors decides to start playing lumberjack! I’m half tempted to hunt down Paul Bunyan and kick his ass. But considering he has a chainsaw and I’m armed with only my Sean Hannity book, I realize that I’m at a huge disadvantage. So, I call him an asshole under my breath and let it go…..

And other times, an army of Hispanic landscaping guys will take over the neighborhood with their loud industrial strength weed eaters and self-propelled lawn mowers. As I try to finish a chapter of my book, Pedro comes whizzing by on a lawnmower like George Jetson on a spaceship. And the chorus of weed-whackers sounds like a swarm of angry bees who were just hit with a blast of wasp spray. It’s deafening! I just pack it up and head into the house.

One summer afternoon, I was reading by the pool. About ten years too late, one of my neighbors finally “discovers” Shania Twain. He blares her “Come On Over” CD about a twenty consecutive times! ( I guess I should have told him the album was called Come On Over and not Play It Over.) I’m not kidding you, it was maddening! I think I still have every word to “Honey, I’m Home” memorized!

It’s not just the people who derail my reading time. It’s the animals too. For instance, one neighbor has a couple dogs that bark constantly. I have no idea what they’re barking at. I don’t think they know either. I’ve actually thought of tossing them a T-bone steak just so I can have a few minutes of peace!

And just this morning, I was trying to read out on my back porch. The weather was nice and I was enjoying a cup of coffee while firing myself up with my latest political book. The only sounds (for now) were a few chirping birds. But I knew it was too good to be true. Before long, two blackbirds about ten feet away start fighting over a piece of bread. They were pecking at each other and squawking like the world was ending. I can’t take it any more, so I get up and, like a moron, try to reason with them…….

“For Christ’s sakes, can you two please knock it off! I’ve got a bird feeder in the backyard full of good bird food! And you two assholes are fighting over a piece of stale bread? Come on!!”

As I get dangerously close to the tipping point, a woodpecker takes this opportunity to start hammering on a nearby tree. I can’t believe this! Is he intentionally messing with me? I feel myself starting to become Jack Nicholson’s character in The Shining. I have no idea what tree the woodpecker is in, so I just start throwing handfuls of dirt and rocks in the general area of the pecking. He pauses temporarily but starts back when he realizes that I have no clue where he is. I really start to worry about my sanity when I think I hear him say, “It’s hammer time. Can’t touch this….”

 I finally decide to give up the fight after I notice a couple neighbors peeking out of the windows at me. At this point, I go back into the house and pop open a cold beer. Maybe next time I want to get some reading done, I‘ll just go to the library!

 KW

Super Sized

In my never ending quest to drop a few pounds, things continue to work against me. Years ago, things were easy. You could cut down on the portion size of your meals and your body would magically get smaller. But in today’s super-sized society, there’s no such thing as a “regular portion” anymore.

Have you been to a fast food joint lately? Even if you get the “regular” size meal, it’s enough to feed a family of lumberjacks! It probably takes an acre of potatoes to make a serving of their fries. Michael Phelps couldn’t even burn off that many carbs! No wonder there’s an obesity epidemic with today’s kids.

And the last time I went to the movies, I made the mistake of ordering some popcorn and a soda. After all, you gotta have popcorn at the movies, right? So, the teenager working the snack counter goes into her best sales pitch. She gives me several seemingly good reasons why I should go with the “value deal”. Taking after my dad, I’m always looking to get a good deal, so I go for it.

The girl retreats to the soda machine for what seems like an eternity. She finally returns with a cup of cola that’s the size of five gallon bucket. I thought it was a joke. So, I say, “You’ve gotta be kidding me? You can’t possibly expect me to drink all of that.”

I’m serious. I didn’t know whether to put a straw in it or jump into it and do a couple of laps!

And with all of the concern over how my bladder was going to handle the 5 gallons of Coke, I had completely forgotten about the popcorn. Before I know it, two guys carry a “bucket” of popcorn around the counter and set it in front of me. I just stand there scratching my head as the guys return to the counter. The “bucket” was more like one of those large yellow recycling bins. I finally wound up dragging it back to my seat.

Just the other day, I met some friends for Happy Hour at a local bar. I was a little hungry so, like an idiot, I order the Monster Club sandwich. This thing was so big that I had to climb up onto one half while desperately tried to eat the other half! Somehow, someway, I managed to finish it. Now, I know how a snake feels after he eats a goat!

And it’s not only food thats been supersized. Look at people’s cars today. Most people aren’t driving compact cars or even mid-size sedans. They’re driving large SUV’s. Gas could go to $10 a gallon and people would still buy these fuel guzzling beasts.

Most of today’s drive-through ATM’s have been set up especially for SUV’s and trucks. When I pull up with my “regular” sized car, I can’t even reach the buttons. I’ve got to lean out of my window like a moron to conduct the transaction. Even then, I still have to lunge every time I attempt to push a button. One time, I lunged too far and almost fell out of my car. Luckily, my head hit the ATM machine and kept me from falling all the way out. And if this wasn’t bad enough, the guy in the SUV behind me is laughing his ass off. Normally, I would have gotten out asked him what the hell he thought was so funny. But since he just watched the ATM machine kick my ass, I really didn’t think I would look too intimidating.

I guess I’ll just have to accept the fact that I’m living in a super-sized world…….

KW

A Proud American

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been watching the protests over the recent immigration bill in Arizona. And I still find the whole thing amazing. The protests themselves are hard enough to grasp. After all, isn’t the immigration bill only enforcing the existing federal law? So, why the sudden outrage? Could it possibly be because the illegal fence jumpers know that Arizona will actually enforce what the Feds should have been doing all along?

And while I’m watching the protesters hold up signs that condemn America, a light bulb goes off in my head. Hey, I’ll bet a good percentage of these protesters are here illegally. So, why doesn’t the INS or ICE show up and arrest them? Or at least ask for their ID? Oh, wait a minute, that would be racist wouldn’t it? Nevermind…..

And what really pisses me off is when I see Hispanics proudly waving their Mexican flag while being “offended” by an American flag. Let me ask you something, my disillusioned amigos. If you think Mexico is so much better that the US, why don’t you just climb back over the fence and go home? Why did you come here in the first place? You want all of the freedoms and luxuries of our society, but you don’t want to assimilate. Instead, you want to force your culture down our throats.

And what amazes me the most is when American citizens come to the aid of these law breakers. You silly liberal fools, what part of “our country is being invaded” don’t you understand? If it were up to you guys, we would be greeting the illegals at the border with a Happy Meal and a welcome pack.

And what’s up with our schools? Kids are being suspended for wearing red, white and blue on their t-shirts? When did this bullshit start happening? Some school officials have said that its “incendiary” to wear an American flag on your shirt. Oh, really? But it’s ok to parade a Mexican flag around and have Cinco de Mayo celebrations in the school? Give me a freggin’ break! Is this still the USA or what??

I personally find it “incendiary”:

• When I see a Mexican flag flying over an American flag. This should NEVER happen! If you want to fly your Mexican flag, go back to Mexico and fly it!
• When Hispanics look at me like I’m an idiot because I don’t speak Spanish. Until the official language is changed, I will continue to speak English and English only!
• When liberal college professors try to indoctrinate students with their anti-American rhetoric.
• When illegal immigrants demand equal rights under the American constitution. Those rights are for American citizens, stupid!
• When I get stuck footing the bill for Mexican women who enter the US illegally in order to have their babies.
• When race baiters like Al Sharpton come to the aid of illegals in the name of “tolerance”. Hey Al, how about we stop “tolerating” people who break our laws?? 
• When illegals enter our country and commit heinous crimes against American citizens.
• When school kids are teased and bullied for being proud of their country!

So, without further ado, let me climb up onto my soap box……..

As I stand up here and proudly wave my American flag, I think of all that it symbolizes. I think about our basic liberties and freedoms, but more importantly, I think about all of the sacrifices that have been made over the years to defend it. Countless people have paid the ultimate price in order to keep us free. We’ve come too far and fought too hard just to hand our country over to a bunch of people who have no respect for our laws. So, if I seem a little less than enthusiastic at the sight of your Mexican flag, try to understand something. When the rest of the world needs help or wants a better life, they sure as hell don’t go to your country. Yes, that’s right. They come to mine! Just like you did!

I am proud to be an American and I’ll be damned if ANYONE is going to make me feel guilty or ashamed of it. If anyone feels offended by my flag, come up here and try to take it from me. But be prepared to deal with my 200+ pounds of red, white & blue American ass! If you think that Mexico is so great, why the hell did you come here?

Simply put, my country is better than yours. And that doesn’t make me racist or insensitive. It just makes me a proud American! Deal with it!

God Bless the USA!

KW

The Times Square Dud

We’re learning more and more information every day about the would-be Times Square bomber, Faisal Shahzad. It appears that he must have been asleep for the better part of those terrorist training classes. Just a few of his mishaps that we’re currently aware of:

• Instead of setting the timer on the bomb to 7:00 pm,  he set it for 7:00 am
• He used a fertilizer that would not explode.
• He left his car and house keys in the ignition of the vehicle.
• He attempted to fly out of a New York airport (relatively close to the crime scene) after spontaneously using cash to buy a one way ticket to Dubai.

We really have to be thankful that this guy was such a dunce. It’s almost as if he wanted to get caught. But as incompetent as Shahzad was, amazingly, he still almost got away! This is the part that I’m having a problem understanding.

Even though Shahzad’s name and photo were being circulated all over New York, he was still able to board his impromptu flight to Dubai. How does he get past the TSA checkpoints so easily? I’d have to believe his name had to be on some kind of watch list. Did the gate agents even bother to check? I guess they were too worried about someone’s grandmother trying to smuggle a pair of nail clippers onboard.

This all has me wondering whether or not the hassle that we all go through at the airport is doing any good at all. Think about it. It didn’t stop the shoe bomber. Nor did it stop the infamous underwear bomber. But to be fair, I’m sure a lot of shampoo and mouthwash has been confiscated over the past few years.

And, as much as the sensitivity nuts wanted us to believe that the attempted bombing in Times Square was the work of a 40-something white dude, it appears that it was another one of those darned radical Muslims. Imagine that! Hmmm, I’m starting to see a pattern here….

Should we profile when it comes to hunting for terror suspects? You bet your ass we should. Because while most young men like to watch sports or drink beer or chase women, young radical Muslim’s like to spend their evenings trying to blow things up! Unfortunately, too many times, they succeed.

And why is the Obama administration so reluctant to refer to these incidents as terrorism? Initially, we hear the typical PC bullshit about how it’s “an isolated incident”. Then, when we ultimately find out that it was the work of an Islamic fundamentalist terror group, everyone acts surprised. God forbid we mention the word Islam in a terrorism investigation. That might hurt the terrorist’s feelings and make them not like us. Wake up libs! Radical Muslims will never like us and there’s not a damned thing we can ever do about it (except maybe to trade in our Bible for a Koran).

Why are we so sensitive to people who want us dead? I say screw them and the camel they rode in on! The only effective way to deal with terrorists is to hunt them down and kill them. End of story.

(Oh, I’m sorry. Am I being too insensitive?)

KW

The Barber School

Sometime this week, I plan to get a haircut. And although it’s not a big deal anymore, there was a time when it definitely was. You see, back when we were kids, our parents dictated who would do the actual hair cutting. And this wasn’t necessarily a good thing….

There was a local barber shop that a lot of the kids would go to. I think the guy who owned it was named Walt. Anyway, many of neighborhood kids would walk through those barber shop doors not having a clue as to what atrocity awaited their hair. They would unsuspectingly climb up into the barber’s chair and then Walt would work his magic (actually it was more like voodoo).

After the haircut, it didn’t take long for the word to spread. The typical reaction by the other neighborhood kids was, “Hey, did you hear that Jimmy just got a haircut at Walt’s? He looks like he got scalped by a bunch of pissed off Indians! He looks rediculous!What’d ya say we go over his house and make fun of him??”

Yeah, it was kind of cruel, but everyone came to expect it. But as bad as a “Walt’s haircut” could be, I personally had it much worse. My dad, always trying to save a buck, would take me to the local barber school. Yep, that’s right, a school! These guys weren’t even barbers. They were practicing to be barbers. And guess who the guinea pigs were?

I’m telling you, it was bad. On a good day, I would leave there looking like I just got into a fight with a pack of feral cats. On a bad day, I looked like I was just leaving the ER after a serious car accident. (Before long, I became jealous of the kids who went to Walt’s).

Actually, the barber “students” were more like butchers than barbers. One time, I nearly lost an ear! One of these clowns accidently clipped my ear with the scissors. I immediately flinched and tried to push the guy away. (I was terrified that he might gouge out one of my eyes.) And then I hear my dad yell, “Sit your ass down and be quiet!”

WTF??

I tell my dad that I’m afraid that the guy is going to disfigure me! And as I kicked and screamed, I pleaded with him to please get me out of there! Only when he saw the blood streaming down the side of my neck did he decide to rescue me. It was kind of like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only we were at a barber school! These guys were about as "ear-friendly" as Mike Tyson! Thank God, this would turn out to be my final trip here.

“Getting your ears lowered” took on a whole new meaning at the barber school. I’m not sure if anyone ever died there, but it wouldn’t have surprised me a bit. For years afterward, I would always carry a roll of gauze when I went anywhere for a haircut. I never had any more injuries, but I just wanted to be prepared. Future barbers would often ask about the gauze, but I would always tell them, "It's too painful. I'd rather not talk about it."

I eventually overcame my barber anxitey and today I'm happy to report that I'm gauze free..........

KW