Talking Through The Noise

I like to think of myself as a "people person". Aside from Bob Irsay and that guy who stole my 10-speed when I was a kid, I generally like people. So when I'm out and about, I like to talk to folks about everything from politics to the ridiculous price that the Greene Turtle charges for a Fat Tire draft.

Well, as much as I love a good conversation, here is where the problem comes in. When I'm in a loud place, such as a rock concert or even a football game, I will inevitably run into several people that I haven't seen in a while. This, of course, always initiates some type of verbal exchange.

As the blaring noise shakes the room, I lock eyes with the other person. There's always that moment of "should I just give a quick head nod or go over and attempt to have what always turns out as an impossible conversation". Before I can decide, we start walking towards one another....

It always starts off with a hand shake. Then, I'll usually just smile and wait for the incoherent words from the other guy. Since I can't possibly hear anything he says, I have to attempt to read his lips and facial expressions. Allowing the other person to go first gives me the advantage as I know he'll probably start off with something along the lines of "How are you doing?" This makes it easy for me, as I'll scream back over the loud music, "I CAN'T COMPLAIN. HOW ABOUT YOU!!?"

 When the reply comes back, it can get quite tricky. Sometimes I'll read the lips and facial expression totally wrong. One time, an old acquaintance and I were taking turns shouting in each other's ear. At one point, he got somewhat excited and went on a five-minute tirade. When he finished, he stared at me with a half-smile, which invited a response from me. I really didn't hear anything the guy said, but instead of asking him to repeat it, I rolled the dice and screamed into his ear, "MAN! THAT'S FREGGIN' AWESOME! GLAD TO HEAR IT!" The confused look on his face told me that I said something wrong, so I had no choice but to admit that I didn't understand his previous comment. It turns out the poor guy was telling me that his wife had left him for another guy. And here I am telling him that I'm glad to hear it. I felt like a total idiot.

I recently ran into another guy that I used to see at the gym years ago. Unlike me, he looked like he was still spending time in the gym. So, instead of screaming back and forth, I just did one of those bodybuilder poses where you put your arms in front and clinch your face until your head turns blue. After my "pose", I pointed to the guy. He knew I was giving him a compliment, so he laughed and gave me a high five. In a moment of silent lucidity, we reconnected without ever saying a word.

Ordering a drink in a loud place can also be an adventure. One time, I attempted to order a Landshark (for those who don't get out much, this is a brand of beer). Well, the waitress hands me a "girly-looking" mixed drink. I stare at the drink for a few seconds and then ask her, "Are you trying to get me beat up? I just want a Landshark." When I see that she still can't understand me, I go into an impromptu shark impersonation which immediately draws some unwanted attention from the other bar patrons. But as crazy as it sounds, it's like a light bulb goes off in the bartender's head and she screams back, "Oh, you want a Landshark!"

Sometimes, it's easier to just hang out by the pool with my Igloo cooler.......

kw