One Day at the Shoe Store

So, I'm in the shoe store earlier today. To be exact, it was a place called The Shoe Dept. I figured I could use another pair of casual dress shoes (aside from the 15 pair that I already have), so I ventured out of Sears and into the adjacent store.

I walk down the aisle where the men's shoes are shelved. I see a pair of nice Rockports that interest me. So, I sit down and start the routine of trying them on. Well, before I even got the first shoe on, something comes flying over from one of the other aisles. WTF? It turns out to be a kid's tennis shoe. Shortly after it hits the wall next to me, I hear a woman yell, "Knock that shit off! I ain't tellin' your ass no more!"

Then, I hear what sounds like a young girl begin to whine. This sets the mother off even more as she screams, "Zip it, now! And sit the hell down!" Of course, she's yelling at the top of her lungs like she's testing out the echo at the Grand Canyon. I don't know why people do this, it's so ghetto.

Well, eventually I hear the woman grunting and groaning while interjecting an occasional "Oh, my Gawd! . I tempted to peek around the corner to see what's going on. After a few minutes, she says, "Damn girl, I'm all outta breath now. I'm not used to bending over like that and putting on shoes! Whooooo!" Have you ever heard of anyone exhausting themselves trying to put on a pair of shoes??

About this time, the kid starts to act up again. The woman, who by now seems to be laboring to breathe, yells,"All right, Aereola, I told you to knock it off! (breathing heavily) Now, get your shit together and let's go!" I started to laugh as I realized that this woman named her daughter after a nipple. No wonder the kid is throwing shoes at people.

So, I decide not to buy any shoes and start to walk towards the exit. But, of course, I have sneak a look at the mystery woman. As I glance down the aisle, I see a very large woman who is sporting the most disturbing case of muffin-top that I've ever seen. Her sides of flesh are spilling over the top of her stretch-pants like the fondue pot at the Golden Corral. She's sitting on one of those small stools that you often see in shoe stores. She straddles the stool which gives the illusion that it's being eaten alive by her husky ass cheeks. I feel that if I stare at this for too long, I might turn into salt (or something worse)...

I catch a glimpse of the kid, a young girl, who appears to be about 6-years-old. She didn't seem to be phased at all by neither her mother's verbal reprimand nor the assault on the poor stool. She continues to open up box after box, tossing random shoes to the ground like discarded peanut shells at the Texas Roadhouse. The strewn shoes made the floor look like the outside of the Ball-Crawl at Chuck E. Cheese. The kid really needed to have her ass busted. But the mother was having her own issues trying to maintain her balance on the stool.

The whole scene reminded me of something that you might see in an episode of Married With Children. I could see this dynamic duo crossing paths with America's most infamous shoe-salesman, Al Bundy. He surely wouldn't have tolerated any of this nonsense!

kw