The Bathroom Soap Snatcher

Ok, so last night I go down the Baltimore Soundstage to catch one of my all-time favorite rock bands, Y&T.  I caught up with some old friends while knocking back a few really good, but ridiculously overpriced, Dogfish Head 60-Minute IPA's. Of course, beer has the tendency to fill up one's bladder. And that's where today's adventure begins....

I eventually make that inevitable first trip to the men's room. After taking care of business, I walk over to the sink to wash my hands. As I reach for the soap, I realize that it's not there. Instead, a bathroom attendant offers me a squirt of liquid soap from his personal bottle. WTF? I'm no rocket scientist, but I'm pretty sure I can master the art of getting my own soap. The problem is that there is no other option. Basically, this guy has kidnapped all available soap products. So, if I want to thoroughly wash my hands, I have to pay him a ransom (in the form of a tip). The sight of the tip bucket overflowing with $1 bills tells me that many others have given into the soap-nappers demands. I refuse to be a victim, damn it!

It wouldn't surprise me at all if this soap snatcher also removed the toilet paper from the bathroom stalls. Can you imagine someone rushing to the toilet and having an explosive bowel movement only to realize that there is no toilet paper? As the poor guy tries to decide which one of his socks to sacrifice, the bathroom attendant slides a roll of Charmin and a tip bucket under the stall door. It's just not right....

And I really can't understand why someone would want a job like this in the first place. Who, except for maybe George Michael, would want to spend the evening hanging out in a men's room?

And I love the guys who have the cologne collections. For $5 they'll mist you with a knock-off version of Polo. No thanks, I think I'll stay with my traditional Irish Spring scent.

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and think I'm a cheap ass. That's not the case here at all. It's just that I don't like someone guilting me into a tip just for handing me the soap. To me, it's just a slight notch over the panhandler begging for money at the busy intersection. I've even seen guys at other venues pull a paper towel out of the dispenser for me as I finish washing my hands. Again, he expects me to pay him for this. I'm a grown-ass man for crying out loud! Please give me the dignity of pulling my own paper towel!

I'm sorry, I think this stuff is bullshit. It's like expecting a tip for holding the door for someone.


kw