Overhead Bins and Selective Neighbors

Airline travel sucks for many reasons. However, today, we'll focus on the carry-on luggage issue....

Flying home from Denver last Friday, Southwest's carry-on luggage policy was experiencing more abuse than a West Baltimore crack pipe. Although the policy clearly states that carry-on bags can not be larger than 24" long and 16" wide, people continued to board the plane with bags large enough to hold a baby elephant.

I noticed one woman who was really struggling to push her bag down the aisle. The bag was so large and heavy that it was getting wedged between the arm rests on the adjacent seats. Now, normally I would be a gentleman and help her. But in this case, all bets were off. If a bag is so large that it's getting stuck in the aisle, it should have been checked and not brought on the plane as a carry-on.

So, the woman eventually finds an empty seat but there's no way she can lift the 100-pound suitcase. So, eventually a guy gets up and helps her. Even he was having a hard time lifting this thing into the overhead bin. And then once it was finally up there, he couldn't get the door to close on the bin. He and the woman kept pushing on the door but it kept bouncing back open. It looked like they were performing CPR on the damned thing! After several unsuccessful attempts, the guy slams the door with all his might and it finally latches. The pressure on the latch must have been tremendous! So, I was really glad that I wasn't the one sitting underneath of that particular bin. If the plane happened to hit a patch of turbulence and the bin door popped open, someone was going to get seriously hurt.

As I sat in my aisle seat and watched several other large suitcases being wheeled past me, I could feel myself getting more and more pissed. You see, when people bring these large items on board, it takes time to pack them away. And then inevitably, when there's no more overhead space, the flight attendants have to start rearranging the bins which delays our take-off even more. Ironically, many of the people bring their luggage on board because they don't want to wait 15 minutes in baggage claim when they land. So, instead, they hold up the entire flight for an extra half-hour by trying to find a space for their carry-on luggage. Makes sense, huh?

So, moving on.....

When I fly Southwest, I always try to take an aisle seat. By the time I find my aisle seat, the window seat is usually already taken. This was the case on Friday. So, after taking my seat, I now instinctively go into search mode. What I'm searching for is a suitable neighbor for the flight. You see, almost all flights are oversold these days which means that every seat is going to be occupied. With that being the case, I like to attract a "compatible person" to sit next to me. With any luck this person will weigh less than 100 pounds and bathe regularly. There's nothing worse than getting seated next to a 400-pound sweathog on a 4-hour flight. Trust me, it does happen...

Anyway, as new passengers come into view, I scan them to find my potential neighbor. When I eventually settle on one, I try to work some subtle magic. As my flight buddy approaches, I try this tried-and-true tactic....Acting as though I'm reading, I nonchalantly look up and make eye contact with the person. When eye contact is confirmed, I give him/her a friendly smile. I'm no psychologist, so I can't explain why, but I can tell you that it actually works. When executed correctly, you can almost hear Mr Rogers singing "Won't You Be My Neighbor" from the cockpit.

Ok, this brings me back to my original topic.....

I successfully implement the Mr. Rogers trick on an attractive woman with a petite build whom I estimate to be in her early 30's. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're probably thinking. But what can I say? She clearly passed my "compatible neighbor" screening process. Who am I to judge?

As my luck would have it, the young woman has brought a rather large suitcase on board. However, there isn't any more space in the overhead bin. So, she asks, "Who's laptop case is this?"

Realizing that I'm probably the only one on the plane who has brought on a legitimate carry-on item, I say, "It's mine."

The woman then says, "Can you take it down and store it under your seat?"

Without even thinking, I stood up on an imaginary soapbox and explained, "I'm sorry, No, I can't can't." Gesturing with my hands like a used car salesman, I continued, "Look at all of these big ass suitcases stuffed into these bins. It's ridiculous. And here I am, with a small laptop case, and I'm the one getting kicked out of the bin? On top of all this, I already feel like a piece of veal in this seat. Imagine when I stuff this bag under there. Can you see why I might have a problem with it?"

And before I go any further, I want to note that I'm not usually like this. But some of my recent flights have been less than ideal, so I guess the culmination of all this stuff finally took it's toll...

Anyway, the young woman, whom I fully expect to give me an attitude, instead, says, "I can see your point. But how 'bout if I sit right there next to you and I'll  put your bag under my seat. Will that work?"

"I'm sorry, say that again," I asked, clearly not expecting her reasonable compromise.

She reiterated, "You can put your bag under my seat. It's no big deal at all."

Feeling a bit like a jerk, I said, "Sure. That will work."

She puts her bag in the overhead and then squeezes past me and into the middle seat. She takes my laptop bag and slides it under her seat. And then, she thanks me. Now, I really felt like an asshole. So, I apologized for overreacting. She said that she certainly understood and that it was really no big deal.

While I still think that air travel sucks, at least everything worked out this time. If you're not that familiar with flying. just be prepared to face these situations.

kw