The Art Of Looking Busy

I first discovered the art of looking busy when I worked at a manufacturing plant many years ago. My job, at the US Gypsum Corporation, required me to monitor the levels and adjust, if necessary, the ingredients of the newly made Sheetrock. It was a pretty boring job and required very little physical labor. However, when the "bosses" were around, especially on the day shift, you were supposed to "look busy". This was easier said than done because the bulk of my work consisted of taking a sample of the "mix" every 30 minutes and recording the results. This took all of about 2 minutes.

So, when I would see one of the big bosses walking towards me, I would instinctively grab an adjustable wrench off of my desk. With the wrench confidently displayed in my left hand, I would approach the bossman and engage in a trivial conversation. The wrench, acting as my prop, gave the appearance that I had just completed or was about to do some work. Now, I have to admit, I was always a little worried that one the bosses would one day ask, "So Ken, what are you planning to do with that wrench?" I would have probably said something brilliant like, "Wrench? What wrench?" But, fortunately, it never went there.

Yes, it sounds crazy, but as Andre Agassi once said, "Image is everything." I didn't have to be busy nor did I have to actually look busy. I just had to project the impression that I had been or was about to be busy. Are you following me so far?

These "looking busy skills" can also be very useful when dealing with uninvited guests. For instance, every now and then, the doorbell will ring and I'll inevitably be confronted by a salesmen or a Johavah's Witness. If I enter this situation empty-handed, I will likely have to waste an infinite amount of time by having these folks blow smoke up my ass about my drafty windows or the benefits joining of the Kingdom Hall. So, to head this off, I pick up a phone as I'm walking to the door. I open the door and let them commence their sales pitch. After about 15 seconds, I'll pretend to talk into the phone and say, "Yeah, yeah. Hey, wait a minute, I've got someone at my door."

The clueless schmuck at the door will then resume by saying something like, "Sir, I can see you're busy today, so I'll be quick...."

At this point, I'll hold up my index finger and give him the "wait a second" sign. Again, I pretend to talk to someone on the other end of the phone....

 "Ok, look I hear what you're saying but....Can you just wait a minute, I've got someone at the door."

If I'm lucky, I'll shake my uninvited guest on this second pass. But, with some of the more persistent ones, I might have to repeat the previous steps multiple times. On a rare occasion, I might even have to sprinkle some harmless profanity into the mix. No doubt, these simple but highly effective tactics of looking busy always work.

We have all seen the road crews where one guy is working while a dozen co-workers stand around and watch him. However, if one of those coworkers happens to have a shovel in his hand, it changes things quite a bit. He doesn't have to be using the shovel. He just has to be touching it. Even if he's leaning on it, people will be inclined to think that he has been busy at some point.

Politicians often use similar tactics to give the appearance that they're actually useful. For example, let's say that we're dealing with a major snow storm in my home state of Maryland. After the countless people have busted their asses all day, we'll inevitably see Governor Owe'Malley in front of the TV cameras with his sleeves rolled up and tie unbuttoned. This, of course, is to give the appearance that he has been in trenches working hard with the rest of the troops. However, it's more likely that he had his feet kicked up all day in front the fireplace while dreaming a way to tax the snow. But the image is what sells and many unsuspecting people buy it.

You now have the basic knowledge that you need to look busy in various situations. Additionally, as a result of my revelations, you will be more likely to recognize when others are trying to look busy. I'm always happy to help.....

kw