Bonus Cards

Have you noticed how you now need a bonus card for almost any purpose these days? Well, technically speaking, I guess you don't need it. But if you want to get the "sale price", you'd better have it. So whether you're going to the supermarket, the gas station or the local watering hole, you have to scan your card to secure the best prices.

The bonus cards outnumber the keys on my key chain 10 to 1. Soon, I'm going to have to buy another key chain just to hold my bonus cards! We're always hearing about how we should conserve water and paper. How about we conserve some plastic?

Of course, some of these cards are called "rewards" cards? Basically, if you spend $10,000, the retailer will send you a gift card for say five bucks. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But you still have to spend a helluva a lot of money to get "rewarded".

When bonus cards were first introduced, I thought to myself, "If only they had those things for bars!" Well, low and behold, the Greene Turtle (a local chain of sports bar-type watering holes) introduced their own bonus card. For every $200 you spend, you get a $10 gift voucher. It's actually a pretty good deal. And, as a weekly enhancement to the bonus card, on Thursdays, you receive double points. Nonetheless, it's probably not surprising that I've acquired quite a few of those $10 "Turtle Bucks" over the past couple of years!

One of the big issues that  have with the bonus cards is that after time, from repetitiously getting smacked around on your key chain, they start to wear out. For instance, on my Giant bonus card, the plastic is folded back so bad that it looks like one of those Bloomin' Onions from the Outback. Every time that that I go to check out, I have to flatten it out like I'm laying out the the Dead Sea Scrolls as the cashier tries to shoot it with her barcode scanner. From a distance, it probably looks like she's trying to put it out of it's misery!

Other times, the barcode will wear off of the car to the point where it's illegible. I'm always amazed when the cashiers unsuccessfully shoot at the barcode countless times while fully expecting to get a reading. Realizing that this could go on forever, I usually interrupt by saying, "Um, I don't I think it's gonna work."

This usually brings a blank stare from the less-than-enthusiastic cashier. And before long, a light bulb will go off and she'll ask, "Ok, the scanner's not reading your card. Can you read the number to me?"

So, her sophisticated piece of modern technology can't read the label, but she expects me to do it? First off, the label is so worn that the Six Million Dollar Man couldn't even read it. Plus, even if it wasn't worn, the numbers are written in a number .0005 font. Even if I had 20/20 vision, I would still need an electron microscope to read it!

Of course, when all else fails, the cashier will ask, "Can I have your phone number?"

I always like to have a little fun by replying, "My phone number? Are you hitting on me?"

After an uncomfortable moment of silence, I eventually give up my phone number in exchange for saving a few bucks on my Gatorade and beef jerky. Wouldn't it be easier just to automatically give everyone the discount instead of making us go through this song and dance routine?? My key chain is at it's breaking point!

kw