The Murder Hornet - A Bee's Tale

As if we don't have enough to worry about with the Coronavirus, now we're being told that "murder hornets" have made their way to the States. Yeah, I know, this could be nothing more than a another sensationalized news story. But it's still a bit unsettling.

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not a big fan of bugs. And since I'm not particularly a big fan of pain either, I don't like bugs that are the size of hummingbirds and have the ability to plunge a large stinger into my tender flesh.

These so-called murder hornets (aka Asian giant hornets) are quite unique. First off, if you look one square in the eyes, you might be lured into a false sense of relief. With it's cartoonish face, you'll think you're staring at Spider-man. But the sheer size of the creature will make you back peddle and realize that this isn't your average bee. It's sting has been described as feeling like "a hot nail being driven into one's flesh". Comfortingly, huh?

Several years, against better judgement, I decided to throw hands with a large bumblebee. It wasn't quite as big as a murder hornet, but it was pretty damn big nonetheless. So, while I'm out in the yard cutting the grass, he starts buzzing around my head. I guess he was pollinating a dandelion or whatever large bumblebees do and I disrupted him by running him over with my lawn mower. Well, as I found out, bees don't like to be run over with lawnmowers...

Although I was in my suburban back yard, I saw this as a no-holds-barred urban street fight. So, I took my baseball cap in hand and began to swat at the raging bee. With every miss, the bee would fly closer to my head. He actually bounced off of my temple at one point but my cat-like reflexes allowed me to dodge away before he had a chance to drop his stinger. Feeling a bit cocky now, he came towards my head again. But on this attempt, I timed his arrival perfectly and caught him mid-air with my baseball cap. Even though he was a bee, he dropped like a fly. I could almost hear the shouts of  "Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!"

The bee was laying on it's back in the nearby grass. He was clearly stunned. If he was human, as a show of respect, I would have walked over and helped him up, Maybe we would have even shared a beer and a few laughs. But since he was a bee, I left him there.....

Riding the wave of victory, I proudly put my baseball cap back on and strutted towards my lawnmower. As I threw my right leg up onto the mower deck, I heard a distant buzzing. Before I could even turn my head, I felt a searing pain in my right calf. I looked down and sure enough, there was the bumble bee. Donning a pair of cargo shorts, the bottom half of my leg was a prime target for my opponent. And he fully exploited my vulnerability. He had successfully landed his stinger into my exposed flesh. The damage was done....

Dazed but not yet completely confused, I instinctively brushed him away with the back of my right hand. He floated off into the distant air and left my throbbing calf behind. Now, I was the stunned one laying on my back in the grass. The sting had left a burning sensation that lasted for about two hours. He had set me up and ended the fight on his terms. Well played, Mr. Bumblebee. Well played...

Ok, so now you can probably understand why I am a little apprehensive about this murder hornet. From what I've read, the murder hornet's sting is exponentially more painful than that of a bumble bee. Can you imagine finding one of these things inside of your home? I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that a Super-Sized hornet was lurking around in the darkness of my house somewhere. If that happens to me, I'm immediately putting a "For Sale - As Is" sign on the front lawn and rolling out.

As always, stay safe and be careful out there.....

kw