Wood Shampoo

In a time of lame excuses and frivolous lawsuits, it’s not surprising that police are too often accused of using excessive force. Sure, we hear the occasional stories of a criminal getting “thumped”. But we seldom hear about what led up to the thumping.

We’ve all seen the video clips. Does everyone remember Rodney King? No doubt, he’s the poster child of the wood shampoo. Sure, the police kicked his ass. But maybe, just maybe, he had it coming. After all, he led the police on a high speed chase through city streets and then fought the cops when they finally stopped his vehicle. This was conveniently left out of the video. And when the dust settled, Rodney became an urban folk hero and the police were once again cast as the villains.

The police, especially in the inner cities of America, have an extremely tough job. Being overwhelmingly outnumbered by the criminals, all the cops can do is to react to the crimes. Prevention is virtually impossible. But still, cops go out and do the best they can to make our streets a little safer.

And what do they get for their efforts? Opposition from the very communities they try to protect! City cops will tell you that when a crime is committed in a bad neighborhood, it’s almost impossible to get anyone to come forward with information. For one, most of the people would rather “protect their own” rather than cooperate with “the man”. This stems from generations of underachievement and lack of education. They are taught from an early age that the cops are the bad guys. But it’s really just a lame excuse for their bad decisions in life.

Still, police go out every day in our cities and put their lives on the line. Everything they encounter will prove to be unpredictable. So, when someone defiantly disobeys a direct order, the cop has to respond. If he has to use force, so be it. And if things continue to escalate, the cop may be required to thump a head or two with his nightstick (aka Wood Shampoo). If only the poor thugs would listen!

Aside from all this, police sometimes have to stand their ground and send a message. If they don’t take control of things, the word will spread that the cop is a punk. This has the potential to put the cop, as well as the community, in an extremely dangerous position. So, like it or not, a thumping is sometimes a necessity.

Years ago, my father had an issue with break-ins. Although the bulk of them involved his garage, there was at least one break-in of his home. One night, a burglar was caught in the act of cleaning out my dad’s garage. As luck would have it (not for the thief!), a cop happened to be nearby. Let’s just say “a message” was delivered loud and clear to the intruder. Instead of selling off my dad’s tools for some crack money, the dumbass got to spend the evening with some nice people at the ER.

Even though, at the time, I had mixed feelings about “the message”, I can tell you this: The word must have gotten out. After roughly twenty years, my dad never had another break-in. Funny how that works!

So, as sort of a public service announcement, let me try to save any potential dumbasses out there from getting their heads peppered by a nightstick:

• Don’t break into people’s homes (garages are bad too)
• Don’t lead cops on high speed chases, especially near the end of a shift.
• Don’t mouth off to cops. Instead of unleashing a barrage of profanity, try saying things like “Yes sir”, “No sir” or "Nice gun"
• Never, ever put your hands on a cop. This will ultimately result in a wood grain tattoo across your forehead. It will be even more humiliating when you have to explain it to the homies back in the cell block..

If I helped at least one loser, I consider my job done.......

KW