Cleaning Out The Spam Folder

Since ninety percent of the mail that the Postal Service delivers to my house is junk mail, I guess it's only fitting that email would follow the same course. So, today I decided to go through my spam folder to make sure no legitimate emails got "trapped" in there. As I sorted through the various items, I found many of them downright amusing. Here are some of the actual unedited subject lines that I copied and pasted:

• Say Goodbye to Body Acne 
• View Photos of 50 plus Singles Near You
• Why didn't you tell me?!
• Ken Wilson, Counsel Suffering Addicts
• Date Real Cheating Wives in your Area Today
• Canadian Pharmacy : Viagra + CIALIS !!
• $1,000 for Ken Wilson
• Give her the best of you
• USPS delivery information # Error ID6199
• Neglected and Lonely Housewives searching for love

I love the ones that basically say "Hot Athletic Women With Insatiable Sexual Appetites Are Dying To Meet YOU!". Now, I'm a happily married man, so it's a moot point. But I have to wonder how many gullible guys get these emails and let it go to their heads. I mean, if you've got thousands of women trying to knock down your bedroom door, it's understandable how you could get an inflated ego. 

And speaking of inflated.......

What's up with all of these Viagra emails? I get them of the time and frankly, it's starting to make me feel a little self-conscience. It always seems like the supplier is outside of the United States, most of the time in Canada. Hey, I appreciate my neighbors to the north having all of this concern for me, but my hydraulics are working just fine, thank you.....

And why are people who I don't even know offering to give me large sums of money. Have you ever gotten one of those emails that claim that there's $10 trillion waiting for you somewhere overseas? And the only thing that you have to do is send them $500 first in order to cover the processing fee. How could anyone pass up such a generous offer? I actually replied back to one of them I told them that if they would just send me a money order or cashier's check for the $10 trillion, I would gladly send their processing fee out as soon as the check clears. I haven't received anything yet, but I check my mailbox everyday just in case...

I also hate when you get a subject line that reads something like, "Regarding Your Order #12345". It always looks legitimate and since I order a fair amount of stuff online, I'm always tempted to dig into it. Along the same lines, I occasionally get a fraudulent email that appears to be from my bank. The key is to never surrender any personal information to these scammers. If you suspect that it's bogus, it probably is.

And lastly, I really get a kick out of the emails that invite me to "counsel suffering addicts". I think everyone knows that if  you left me alone with a group of addicts, we would ultimately wind up at Happy Hour doing Tuaca shots. Yep, I think they'd better find someone with a little more will-power for that job.

So, now that my Spam folder has been thoroughly purged, I think I'll take a nostalgic walk out to the "snail" mail box and see if that $10 trillion ever showed up....

kw