I can always tell when she's within a five mile radius. I can hear her gunning the engine of the large mail truck from house to house. It kind of sounds like an M1 Abrams tank racing through a battlefield. Because of this, we've affectionately nicknamed our mail carrier "Speed Racer".
Her her daily routine consists of speeding up to the mailbox at approximately 75 mph. Then she'll slam on the brakes and skid into position in front of the box, taking out any flowers or small animals in her path. Once her vehicle comes to rest, she'll recklessly throw in a bundle of worthless junk mail. The smell of burnt rubber permeates the air as she slams the door on the mailbox. Then, she guns the engine again and continues the same routine throughout the entire neighborhood.
My house is located on a cul-de-sac at the end of the road. She drives so fast that's it's only a matter of time before she takes the turn too fast and the mail truck winds up on my front lawn like a beached whale.
Sometimes, when she has a large package to deliver, she'll race down the long driveway. One of these days, I can see her crashing through one of my neighbor's garage doors. And when she drops off the package, she throws the truck into reverse at breakneck speed and hits the street like Mario Andretti. It's amazing that she can control the large vehicle at that speed.
Our speedy mail lady has also gotten an earful for spinning her wheels on the manicured lawns in my neighborhood. One of my neighbors owns a local nursery. It pains me to see her John Deere mail-truck churn up pieces of his beautiful turf. I think people do get a little upset about it, but what are you going to do? Do you really want to piss off a postal worker? That kind of thing doesn't always work out too well.....
But on one occasion, she was racing through the neighborhood and was stopped and reprimanded by one of my neighbors, who ironically, just happens to be a mail carrier himself. Although the exchange was rather heated, no one was injured during the confrontation. It could have been really ugly if you know what I mean....
Sometimes, when she has a large package to deliver, she'll race down the long driveway. One of these days, I can see her crashing through one of my neighbor's garage doors. And when she drops off the package, she throws the truck into reverse at breakneck speed and hits the street like Mario Andretti. It's amazing that she can control the large vehicle at that speed.
Our speedy mail lady has also gotten an earful for spinning her wheels on the manicured lawns in my neighborhood. One of my neighbors owns a local nursery. It pains me to see her John Deere mail-truck churn up pieces of his beautiful turf. I think people do get a little upset about it, but what are you going to do? Do you really want to piss off a postal worker? That kind of thing doesn't always work out too well.....
But on one occasion, she was racing through the neighborhood and was stopped and reprimanded by one of my neighbors, who ironically, just happens to be a mail carrier himself. Although the exchange was rather heated, no one was injured during the confrontation. It could have been really ugly if you know what I mean....
Last year, Tina was coming home from work and wound up behind Speed. Now, it's not uncommon to see families of deer running through the neighborhood. But because most responsible people obey the 25 mph speed limit, they have plenty of time to avoid hitting any of the deer. Well, with the way our mail lady drives, not even a pack of cheetahs would have a chance. As you've probably guessed, she winds up hitting one of the deer. And the worst part is that it didn't even faze her. From what I heard, I doubt if she even knew she hit anything. She just kept on trucking! You would have thought she might have slowed down to see what exactly it was that she hit. After all, there are kids in the neighborhood.
Tina did call the post office about the incident. Their basic response was, "Well, what do you want us to do about it?" I know postal workers can be a disgruntled bunch, but I was actually a bit surprised by their unconcerned attitude in this case. They explained that their carriers have a certain amount of time to get the mail out. I guess public safety takes a back seat to getting the Pennysaver out on time?
There are speed bumps on the main road in my community but Speed Racer seems to oblivious to them. Taking them on a full force, I can envision the letters and packages spilling all over the inside of the truck. This might explain why she often comes racing back up the street to retrieve my neighbor's mail out of my mailbox.
Hey, maybe the post office can get this woman off of the street by promoting her. After all, from what several postal employees have told me, the unofficial motto of the post office is: "You screw up, you move up!" So, maybe they can bump Speed Racer up into management and put her in a position where she can't steamroll anyone. Hell, with the way this woman guns the engine of that gigantic mail truck, the USPS will save at least a half a million in gas a year!
But for now, I guess they'll just cut out the Saturday delivery.......
kw
There are speed bumps on the main road in my community but Speed Racer seems to oblivious to them. Taking them on a full force, I can envision the letters and packages spilling all over the inside of the truck. This might explain why she often comes racing back up the street to retrieve my neighbor's mail out of my mailbox.
Hey, maybe the post office can get this woman off of the street by promoting her. After all, from what several postal employees have told me, the unofficial motto of the post office is: "You screw up, you move up!" So, maybe they can bump Speed Racer up into management and put her in a position where she can't steamroll anyone. Hell, with the way this woman guns the engine of that gigantic mail truck, the USPS will save at least a half a million in gas a year!
But for now, I guess they'll just cut out the Saturday delivery.......
kw
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