A Day at The Preakness

So, after doing some excessive celebrating for my birthday Friday night, yesterday I found myself at the 138th running of the Preakness Stakes at Pimlico. After getting some much-needed coffee into my bloodstream, my friends picked me around 9 am and off we went.

Once we neared the racetrack, the traffic began to build. At one point, a clueless traffic cop had things so congested that I thought that he might be filming an episode of America's Funniest Videos. After sitting through several red lights, everyone began to lay on their horns. My friend, who was driving, was really getting a kick out of it as he joined the gridlocked symphony.  Of course, the aggressive horn-blowing was torturous to my already throbbing head. I figured all of the noise would really tick the cop off. But for some crazy reason, he just let everyone through. Maybe he had a headache too?

Once we got the the racetrack, we had to go through the security song-and-dance. To help avoid any unreasonable search and seizures, many people had traded in their traditional coolers for clear storage bins. I brought a backpack with miscellaneous items (cigars, glasses, ball cap, etc.) but wound up leaving it in the car.

Now, once we got inside, we headed up to our seats in the grandstand. Before long, some obnoxious guy a few rows behind us encouraged us to sing Happy Birthday to a young woman, The woman seemed drunk, but it was only about 11:00 in the morning. Well, the birthday chorus went on and right after it ended, the woman threw up. As luck would have it, our group had a large tray of bean/chicken dip nearby. I can't be certain if the woman blew chunks into it, but I suddenly had absolutely no appetite for it. A man, who I assume was the woman's husband, attempted to escort her out. But the woman was so wasted that she could barely stand up. So, he wound up calling over two large security guys and they carried her off like an injured football player.

Shortly afterward, I joined a couple of friends for a trip over to the infield. It was probably around noon at this point and it seemed the like party was kicking into full gear. We did a few overpriced shots and then made our way down to the main stage. There was a guy named Macklemore getting ready to come on. Although I had never heard of the guy, the crowd seemed to be really up for it. Once he hit the stage, the place went ape-shit and immediately wished I was somewhere else. He kicked into a profanity-laced song called Thrift Shop which everyone seemed to know the words to. My friends decided to follow some tall guy to the front of the stage. But there was no way I was fighting through that drunken crowd.

I eventually escaped and found a nearby cigar stand. I was really in the mood for one, but the thought  of paying these inflated prices irritated me. Especially since I had a stash of much better cigars in my backpack which was still in the car. The sales guys were hawking these shitty cigars like they were Ashton ESG's. I wound up buying two (it was one for $15 or two for $20). For the record, it was possibly the worst cigar purchase I ever made. Although the cigar was smokable, it wasn't much better than the $2 cigars that you can buy at the 7-11.

I finished up my cigar and miraculously met up with my two friends, One of them informed my that the crowd was rude and crazy. Can't say that I didn't see that one coming. We hung out while I finished my cigar and then we headed back over the grandstand. As we were coming through the tunnel that connects the infield to the grandstand, we were forced to the side of the road by a police escort followed my several large black SUV's. Not that it really meant anything to me, but we were told that this was Pitbull who happened to be the main performer at this year's Preakness.

Once I got back to the main building, I realized that I was running low on cash. I searched for the nearest ATM. Unfortunately, there was only one in sight and the line was about fifteen people deep. The line moves fairly quickly and before long I've only got about four people in front of me. About this time, a young woman walks up and stands beside me. Realizing that she had no intention of leaving, I tuned and said, "I'm sorry. Do we know each other?"

Then, in a low voice, she says, "I'll give you $20 if you let me in front of you."

I kindly explain that her $20 won't even put a dent in the hospital bill after the angry crowd beats my ass for letting her cut the line. But she was persistent. Finally, I compromised and told her that she could get behind me and if no one complained, she was home free. As my turn came up, she hit me in my soft spot and said, "Come on, I'll buy you a beer if you let me go before you."

For some crazy reason, I agreed. From the ten minutes or so we spent talking to one another, I think everyone thought we were actually together. So, I figured the odds of getting my ass kicked had diminished. As she finished her ATM transaction, she assured me that she would be over in the beer line. Still tasting the inferior cigar, I told her that I didn't want any cheap beer. As she walked away, I really thought that I had been used. But in her defense, shortly afterward, she came over and handed me an ice-cold 16-ounce Stella Artois. Cheers!

Moving on.....

Earlier in the day, I had threw some money into a community pool with several of the other guys. I figured since I didn't really know anything about horse-racing, I'd probably have better luck following my friends  who were more experienced.. Once I got back to the grandstand  the liquid courage from the infield had kicked in. So, I ventured up to the betting window and placed a few bets of my own. It turns out that none of them panned out, but it was still a bit of a rush. I picked Orb to win the main race and he wound up finishing fourth. Of course, Tina informed me later, that she had a good feeling about Oxbow. She attributed it to his shiny coat. Of course, she doesn't tell me this until I get home! I know Tina's reasoning sounds crazy but stranger things have happened. If she would have called me, I would have thrown some money on Oxbow on a whim bet and actually won a few bucks!

Overall, it was a pretty interesting day. My friend  Kevin, tried to give me a quick lesson on how to read the programs and determine how a particular horse is trending and how it might fair in the next race. I also learned a little about Perfectas, Trifectas and Superfectas. In the end I didn't win any money but I still had good time. And sometimes that's what it's all about.....

kw