Cracking The Looking Glass Self

During my brief stint in psychology-101 way back in the day, I learned about things like self-image and "looking-glass" self. These are terms that describe how we think we're perceived by others. Sometimes people perceive us totally different than we would expect.

Through the years, I have met several people who attempted to clear this up for me. I've listed several examples below. As you'll see, many of these encounters took place in drinking establishments which may help explain some of the stranger encounters. At least that's what I'm hoping......

• Having a beer at a local bar several years ago, I struck up a lengthy conversation with an elderly black man. Somehow, we got on the subject of blues musicians. We're exchanging stories of blues legends such as John Lee Hooker, Howlin' Wolf and good ol' Lead Belly. I'm thinking that I'm really impressing the old man with my knowledge of these guys. Well, after a while, he scratches his chin and says, "Son, you impress me as a person who knows a little bit about everything but not much about nuthin'." 

• One time, Tina and I were sitting in a hotel lounge in Pennsylvania. The place was very crowded. We happened to have two empty seats at our table. There were two women who appeared to be looking for a place to sit, so we invited them to sit with us. It turned out that they were lesbians. We spent a couple hours knocking back drinks and talking about everything from religion to politics. When we eventually said goodbye, one of the women shakes my hand and says," You are the coolest Republican that I've ever met."

• I was recently at a wake and found myself sitting at a table with a strange-looking guy whom I had never met. He eventually asks, "Are you the fire chief?" Somewhat surprised, I tell him that I've never worked for the fire department. Then he asks, "Are you a politician or something?" Again, I smile and tell him that I'm not. He closes by saying," Ok. With your slicked back hair and all, I just figured that you were someone important."

• I stopped off at a Glen Burnie bar several years ago to shoot a game of pool. I was dressed in a pair of khakis and a collared shirt. Apparently, this raised a red flag to the intellectually-challenged bar crowd. Before long, a drunk walks up to me and asks,"Hey man, are you a cop?" I tell him that I'm not. Obviously not believing me, he follows up with, "Well, everyone here thinks that you are. You better watch your back." Even though I wasn't a cop, I had to wonder why these Mensa candidates thought it might a good idea to threaten one. And if that wasn't bad enough, another knucklehead comes up to me and says, "Hey man, word has it that you're in here to buy drugs. Just to let you know, we don't do that kind of stuff here." Looking around the barroom made me seriously doubt this man's last sentence. I figured, at that point, I should probably leave before someone mistook me for Elvis.

• On a similar note, last year in Delaware, a guy walks up to me and says, "Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Mitt Romney?"

• A guy at the local tennis court motions for me to come over. I walk over to meet him and he greets me by saying, "How have you been? You look like you're really packing on the pounds." I respond,"Yes, I am. And thank you so much for noticing!"

• I was killing time waiting for a flight in Newark, NJ. I walked into the crowded airport bar and approached the burly barmaid. Once we make eye contact, I say, "When you get a chance, can I get a beer?" This sets the woman off and she responds, "Don't you come in here ordering me around! I'll get you a damned beer if I feel like getting you a damned beer!" Equally pissed and scared, the only response that I could muster was, "Wow! I think someone needs a hug!"

• Several years ago, I'm out with a buddy at a popular summer-time watering hole on Maryland's eastern shore. My friend, who is single, sees a group of attractive women at the bar. He's hoping somehow to strike up a conversation with them. So, being a good friend, I offer to be his "wing man". In a nonchalant attempt to introduce my buddy to the group of ladies, I hand my cell phone/camera to the most attractive one and ask, "Excuse me, would you mind taking a picture me and my friend?" The woman says,"Sure." She snaps the photo, and as she's looking it, she says,"Wow, that turned out nice. You guys are really cute. How long have you been together?"......Obviously, not the plan I was shooting for.

Deep down inside everyone has an image of what they think they look like on the outside. But as you can see, it's not always what you think.....

kw