Halloween Ramblings

As another Halloween approaches, I've been reading some interesting news stories regarding the traditional fall event. For instance, a woman in Fargo, North Dakota has said that she plans to give out notes to overweight trick-or-treaters instead of the traditional sugary treats. The purpose of the note is to lecture parents about their overweight kids. Come on, really? Hey, when I was growing up, I was one of those overweight kids. And I can tell you this, if someone dropped a "fat note" in my plastic pumpkin, their car windows would have been immediately introduced to my bar of Ivory soap.

Back in the day, we certainly had our share of Halloween disappointments. But it usually came in the form of pennies or a piece of fruit. I always perceived the people who dropped a few pennies into your bag as cheapskates. But the people who gave a kids fruit for Halloween were delusional. If a kid has a choice between a Snickers bar, a Reese's Cup, a roll of Smarties and an apple, guess which one he won't pick?

But probably the worst trick-or-treat "candy" that I ever received was a hard boiled egg. Looking back on it now, this was quite possibly my very first "WTF" moment. For a kid, getting a sweater for Christmas is bad. But getting an egg for Halloween is ridiculous. The neighborhood kids eventually developed a "system" to alert future trick-or treaters of the egg lady. They basically just tossed the eggs into the street. If you saw a rubbery sea of yellow and white in front of a house, you knew to bypass it. Simple, but effective. That's how we rolled....

While we're on the subject of undesirable Halloween treats, according to a recent Fox News report, here are the ten worst candies to give out:

• Necco Wafers - They look like large Smarties but instead of tasting sweet, they're bitter and nasty
• Circus Peanuts - These are actually soft, banana-flavored, peanut-shaped candy. The first one tastes ok, but any more and the nausea begins to kick in
• Mallo Cup - One of my all-time favorites. If anyone wants to get rid of their Mallo-Cups, send them my way!
• Mary Jane candy - Hard chewy peanut-butter candies. A money maker for dentists as they have a tendency to extract fillings and crowns.
• Goldenberg's Peanut Chews - Another candy that I really like. I'm surprised to see it on the list. Maybe it has something to do with peanut allergies?
• Wax Lips - These are just silly and flavorless.
• Wax Coke Bottles - These always seemed like a wasted effort. You chew and chew then eventually get a squirt of colored, sugar water. We even bother?
• Hershey's Symphony Bar - I've never had one, but if it's made with chocolate, can it really be that bad?
• Licorice Bites - I always preferred the longer Twizzler sticks.
• Jaw Breakers - I've never heard of anyone breaking a jaw on one of these, but I imagine quite a few teeth got broke.

I was also reading about an Ohio dentist who was offering to buy back candy from local kids. I don't quite get this. This would be like the Post Office promoting email. As I pointed out in my Mary Jane comment above, candy is good business for dentists. Why would they want to take it away?

Moving away from the candy, Halloween costumes can be interesting, funny and sometimes quite controversial. For instance, Dancing With The Stars winner/actress Julianne Hough got into some hot water when she dressed up as a character from the hit series "Orange Is The New Black". Honestly, I had never heard of the show until I read the news blurb about Hough. What really got the actress into trouble was that she was dressed up as "Crazy Eyes", a black woman on the show. Apparently, people took offense to Hough wearing dark face paint.

Taking it one step further, a duo in Massachusetts dressed up as George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin. While I think a lot of the racial stuff is overblown, I think this one was in very bad taste.

Last week, the University of Colorado instructed students to not wear any costume that could be deemed offensive or a crude stereotype. Included in the list were cowboys, Indians and anything "ghetto" or "white trash". 

Speaking of white trash, a mother and daughter in Detroit dressed up as exactly that. Donning white trash bags and face make-up which simulated blackened eyes, the couple wore the controversial costumes to an elementary school's "Trunk or Treat" party. Something tells me that me that Mom won't be invited to the PTA Christmas party this year. 

And lastly, dressed up as a clown, some drunk moron in Wisconsin dangled an 8-year-old from an overpass. A clown is already terrifying enough to a kid. The clown in Stephen King's "It" still freaks me out. Can you imagine the emotional distress that would result from a shitfaced clown dangling you from an overpass? If there's anyone out there from social services, you really need to pay this guy a visit. 

With all of this being said, I hope everyone has a fun and safe Halloween. And don't forget to send me those unwanted Mallo Cups!

kw