When I started to head out a little after noon, the parking lot was already covered with several inches of fresh snow. Although I was a bit shocked at how much snow had accumulated in such short amount of time, the though of driving in it didn't really phase me. I figured once I hit the main roads, it would be smooth sailing. This turned out to be another asinine prediction.
As I made my way along Owings Mills Blvd, the drive was slow but manageable. But as I approached the hill near the Best Buy shopping center, I could see trouble brewing. Car were already starting to slip on their way up the incline. This continued as we approached the uphill ramp to 795. After snaking along the ramp for a good 20 minutes, I finally made my way onto 795. I was amazed to see that the road had not been plowed. Although you could move, top speed was about 20 mph and visibility was limited to about 100 feet. With my windshield wipers freezing up, the visibility factor diminished by the minute. I was really regretting my decision to drive home in this mess.
Eventually, I made it to the Baltimore beltway which was at an absolute standstill. As hard as it was to believe, the paved surface on the beltway was worse than 795. I have been driving for over thirty years and this was the absolute worst snow conditions that I'd ever seen on 695. When I saw what I was in store for, I considered finding a place to leave my car and walking home.
As I sat there there and listened to the radio, I received updates of the horrible road conditions around the area. The DJ's were also reiterating, "If you don't have to go out in this mess, please don't." While it was very good advice, it sure wasn't doing me any good since I was already stuck in it. After a while, the radio began to depress me. So, since I didn't appear to be going anywhere anytime soon, I pulled out my phone and scrolled through Facebook to see if any of my friends were sharing my miserable experience.
I updated my Facebook status to let the world know of my dire situation, Before long, I received some good ideas on how to pass the time. For instance, Turk advised me to take a nap while Hank suggested that I drink some beer. While I liked both of these ideas, nether was to happen. If I took Turk's advice, who would move my car those 100 feet after ten minutes? And Hank's offering, although very enticing, presented multiple challenges. The least of which was the state trooper who was in the next lane. The real problem, however, was that I already felt the strong urge to pee.
Panic began to set in as I realized that I might not be able to hold it for two or three more hours. At this stage, there was no telling how much longer we'd all be stuck here. So, I starting to look around the car for a makeshift urinal. The best thing I could come up with with a small Deer Park water bottle which I found lodged up under the passenger side seat. I laughed to myself when I read the label which said ""100% Natural Spring Water". Yeah, I was going to fill it with something natural, but it sure as hell wasn't going to be spring water!
Anyway, along with the bottle being small, so was the opening. This presented another problem. How was I going to make my "deposit" into the bottle without pissing all over my car? On top of this, I had truckers and people in SUV's intermittently passing me. It would be bad enough for them to see me peeing into a Deer Park water. But for them to see me pissing all over my radio and steering wheel would be way too much humiliation for me to bear. So, I tossed the water bottle into the back seat and silently apologized to my bladder. I made a mental note to store an empty Gatorade bottle in the trunk for any similar endeavors in the future. Notice the more user-friendly opening on the Gatorade bottle? This helps to eliminate that dreaded splash-back effect.The over-all larger capacity is another nice feature...
Every now and then, I would have to get out of the car to clear the slush from my wiper blades. It seemed kind of surreal walking around on 695 in the middle of the afternoon. Several other motorists were also working feverishly to clear their windshields. Trying to break the ice (no pun intended) with the guy next to me, I asked, "So, how do you think the Orioles will do this year?" This struck the guy especially funny as he dropped his ice scraper and bent over laughing.
After about three hours, I approached exit 13 (Frederick Rd). I could see the flashing lights of several emergency vehicles. Since this was a slight incline, several motorists were getting stranded as they tried to make it up the hill. Small pick-up trucks with rear-wheel drive were having the most problems. Eventually, I made it up the hill and past the stranded vehicles. After 3+ hours, I was finally moving at a continuous pace! It would be a slow ride for the rest of the way, but at least I was moving!
My commute from Owings Mills usually takes 30-40 minutes, Yesterday, it took 4 and a half hours! I felt an instant rush of relief as I pulled into my snow covered driveway.
Oh, and yes, I did take Hank's advice and knock back a few beers after I got home. But only after I made that much anticipated and overdue trip to the bathroom.....
kw
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