The Pains of Turning 50

Birthdays were never really a big deal for me. Time marches on and I realize that there's nothing I, nor anyone else, can do about it. So, why should I worry about getting another year older?

But this year is a little different. You see, today I turned 50. And I have to admit, I'm a little upset about it. When I turned 30, it was no big deal. When I turned 40, I thought about it for about a couple of minutes and then moved on. But turning 50 has my head spinning. Folks, I'm serious. I received an AARP card in the mail this week! That's not something that I can just simply ignore....

I'm sure I'll get the inevitable question, "So, what's it feel like to be 50?" Well, literally speaking, it hurts. Ten years ago, I could work out in the gym for a couple of hours, play 3 hours of tennis and then come home and do a couple more hours of yard work. Afterward, I'd be a little tired, but otherwise I felt great. Now, sometimes a brisk walk to the end of the driveway leaves me feeling like I've been hit by a bus. Last year, I was carrying a suitcase into the house and I tweaked something in my knee. Up until then, I had never had any issues with my knees. But the suitcase incident was more painful than sitting through a Woody Allen movie! Fortunately, it only lasted a day.

Another side effect of getting old is the insatiable urge to take a nap. Some days, even after sleeping a solid eight hours the night before, I still feel like a zombie. The only thing that keeps me going is thought of plopping down in my recliner when I get home. And every now and then, after taking a nap, I'll wake up with an awful pain in my back or neck. I have no idea what that's all about. But I'm starting to feel like the girl who was afraid to go to sleep from "Nightmare on Elm Street".

I have a Corvette that collects dust in my garage. People are always asking me why I never drive it. The truth of the matter is that it's just too painful. Squeezing my oversize ass into the driver's seat is one thing. But getting out of it, especially after a long ride, is something else. Sometimes, I'll open up the door and extend my hand like a quarterback who just got sacked and wait for someone to pull me out.

And my eyesight sure isn't what it used to be. A few years ago, the eye doctor discovered high pressure in my eyeballs. So, since my mother has glaucoma, the doctors wanted to keep an eye it (no pun intended). So, now I get tested every 6 months. So far, all looks good but I can't ignore the fact that I'm one blown eye test away from legally being able to buy marijuana.

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As my milestone birthday approached, several family members wanted to throw me a big party. They told me, "You only turn 50 once." Yeah, yeah, I know, don't remind me. But I really didn't want a big ado. I explained that my life is already one big party. In fact, I've partied so much that's it's a small miracle that I've even made it to 50!

With that being said, at this stage of my life, I have everything that I've ever wanted. I've learned that while material things can certainly be nice, they pale in comparison to the people in your life. In my 50 years, I have met countless people who have, in some way, helped mold me into the person that I am today. While I'm far from perfect, I'm satisfied where I am right now. To all of those people who ever took the time to chat with me, teach me something, make me laugh or put me in my place when I was out of line, I'd like to say thank you. On the flip side, through the years, I hope that I've touched at least a few people in a positive way.

I look forward to many more years of good times and classic moments with my family and friends. My first 50 years have been an absolute blast. I'm not quite sure if I'll make it another 50 years. But I promise you that if I don't, I'll at least die trying.

Cheers!

kw