Maryland! My Maryland! - Offending Everyone

Yesterday, a crowd gathered in Columbia, South Carolina to watch the Confederate flag come down for the last time. As the SC Honor Guard slowly lowered the flag, the crowd cheered wildly. You could hear brief chants of "Take it down" and "U-S-A!".  As the drama unfolded, TV cameras panned the audience for any signs of emotion. And when the ceremony concluded, people were already talking about other things that should be banned....

There's already a push to take down statues of Robert E. Lee and any other memorials of the Confederacy. Although these people and events were an integral part of our nation's history, there are those who seem to want to erase it. Sorry folks, you can't change the past by simply removing any references to it. So, instead of removing a statue of someone like General Lee, wouldn't it make more sense to use it as a teaching opportunity? I'm using logic and reason here, so nevermind.

Recently, in my home state of Maryland, Delegate Karen Lewis Young recently submitted a bill to have the state song changed. According to the Frederick delegate, "Maryland, My Maryland", which has been the state song since 1939, celebrates the Confederacy and disparages the Union government. And Guy Djoken, president of the NAACP's Frederick County chapter, chimed in by saying that the words in the song make people uncomfortable. Really? Aside from the title, I have to wonder how many people actually know any words to the song. Perhaps the most "hurtful" line comes in the final verse:

I hear the distant thunder-hum,
Maryland!
The Old Line's bugle, fife, and drum,
Maryland!
She's not dead, nor deaf, nor dumb
Huzza! She spurns the Northern scum!
She breathes! She Burns! She'll come! She'll come!
Maryland! My Maryland!

Since we're at a point where we're now splitting hairs in the name of political correctness, there's enough beef in this verse to offend just about everyone. Of course, the "Northern scum" reference is the one which is supposedly the most "hurtful". Yes, I can see how an insult from 150 years ago can cause a liberal to lose sleep at night. But what about the other stuff? For instance, what's with all of the shouting? Did you catch all of those explanation points? WTF? It's enough to give a child a case of PSTD! (Oops, sorry for the explanation point in that last sentence. I'm a bit excited.)

And what's with the deaf and dumb reference? There's gotta be something in the American with Disabilities Act that bans such a derogatory line. Get the lawyers on the phone! And while we're at it, let's sue The Who for those lyrics about that pinball-playing kid.

By the way, what the hell is a Huzza? I have absolutely no idea but I'm pretty sure that someone will find a reason to be offended by it.

And do we really have to call the line "old"? Is that really nice? I'm thinking that the AARP might have something to say about this.

Lastly, let us dive into the deep end and examine the line: She breathes, she burns, she'll come! This sounds like something you'd hear on a late-night Cinemax channel. My God! There hasn't been such emotional distress from a song since Robert Plant squeezed his lemon and let the juice run down his leg. Promiscuous young women from Cumberland to Ocean City are probably lining up to breed as we speak! We must ban this song before the next illegitimate child is conceived in Baltimore!

Agghhhhh!

Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But you can see how ridiculous things are getting. I can hardly wait to hear what's next....

kw