Tide-Pods - The New Mouthwash

Every generation has it's share of "thrill-seeking" knuckleheads who defy the limitations of modern intelligence. Back in my day, we would do crazy things like jump our bikes over burning trash cans.If the inevitable crash landing wasn't enough to get our adrenaline flowing, we had assurance in the form of an urban fire-pit below. Amazingly, no one got seriously injured (or killed) during these stunts. At least no one that I personally knew.

Nowadays, in the generation of all things indoors, kids have taken to gathering in the laundry room to partake in something called the "Tide-Pod Challenge". To be honest, before this started, I really didn't even know what a Tide-Pod was. And when I first heard the term "Tide-Pod Challenge", I assumed that it was a some sort of throw-down from a University of Alabama rival. But after doing some basic research in the form of a Google search engine, I found out that this latest "challenge" consists of kids eating liquid laundry detergent. Chew on that for just a minute while I take you back to my day again...

I'll be the first to admit that I have a potty mouth. I sometimes drop a barrage of profanity that would make someone with Tourette's blurt out "WTF!" What can I say? I get a bit excited sometimes. But the whole point of this is......back in the day, if I dropped a spontaneous f, s or b-bomb, I would find myself with a bar of soap in my mouth. This certainly wasn't by choice nor was it self-induced. You see, that's what parents did to "teach their kids a lesson" about the evils of profanity back in the day. Ironically, my introduction to four-letter words was the by-product of hearing my Dad go off on his topic-du-jour. The "Fudge" scene from "A Christmas Story" is a perfect illustration of how things played out back then.

So, back to modern times, kids (and amazingly, adults too) are now choosing to put soap in their own mouths by biting into Tide-Pods and putting a video of the "stunt" online. Then, they challenge other online friends to do the same. Aside from soap tasting absolutely nasty, it can also be quite dangerous. But when did that ever stop an aspiring YouTube star?

And just when you think it can't get any more ludicrous, there are actually lawmakers who are pushing for stricter warning labels on Tide-Pods to prevent people from eating them. That's right, we now live in a society where we have to actually warn people to not eat laundry supplies. While they're at it, they might to legislate a warning label to deter people from eating that large mint that floats at the bottom of a urinal.

Some of the defenders of the Tide-Pod poppers argue that the bright, multi-colored detergent capsules are made to look too "appetizing". Really? A peacock displays an impressive array of colors too but I've never had the urge to bite into one. I guess soft drinks should be served in blandly-colored cans to prevent people from tossing the contents and eating the aluminum?

So, as preparations for this year's Darwin Awards are underway, Tide-Pod connoisseurs should feel confident that they'll be genuine contenders. You guys have deservedly earned your nomination!

kw