Yesterday, I found myself driving to work in the wee hours of the morning. Around 4 am, I snaked along the dimly-lit back roads of Frederick County as I headed to my destination in Urbana, MD. On a nice, sunny day, I don't mind driving on the country roads. It's kind of relaxing and if you're lucky enough to find some John Denver on the radio, it can be quite euphoric. But in the middle of the night, it's a different story....
I guess I sometimes let my imagination run wild. As I passed a large cornfield along route 75, I envisioned an Amish guy (complete with a pitchfork) jumping out in front of my car. Amish people have always freaked me out a little. I think it might be the Moe Howard haircuts and the moustacheless-beards (It's ok to say things like this because the Amish don't have the internet yet).
Whenever I'm out in the boonies late at night, I'm always reluctant to stop. One time, I can remember being really thirsty. So, I figured I'd grab a drink at the next convenience store. After a few miles, I found an old gas station/country store. And it wasn't Shell or Exxon either. I can't remember the exact name of the place but it was something really catchy like "Cheap Gas and Grub". I'm pretty sure they sold fishing bait too. Anyway, I wound up pulling into the parking lot (which happened to be totally vacant). As I gazed into the store from the safety of my locked car, the sign on the front door said "Open" and the lights appeared to be on, but no one seemed to be working. I have to admit, it made me feel a bit uneasy. I know it sounds crazy, but I could feel the presence of the banjo-playing kid from "Deliverance". I wound up driving away and stopping at a 7-11 when I got back to civilization.
Another problem with driving late at night is the various animals that you encounter. Now, I don't mind a raccoon or an opossum. I look at those things as small speed-bumps. But if a deer, even a small one, runs in front of your car, you could be in some serious trouble. I can see myself trying to drag the deer off of the hood of my car while the Texas Chainsaw family looks on from the nearby woods. And sometimes you'll see animals that you don't even recognize. On more than one occasion, I've done a double take and said, "Whoa! What the f*ck was that???"
Aside from the animals, you've also got the insects to deal with. Several years ago, I was driving home from a town called Earleville. It was a hot, humid Maryland night. As I breezed along the country road, a variety of insects sacrificed themselves on my windshield. My washer fluid was working double-time as my vision was reduced to a blurry haze. Just as things began to clear, something smashed into my windshield with reckless abandon. My initial thought was that I had hit a large bat. I'm serious, when it hit, you heard a loud "THUD!" I had to roll down my driver's side window just so I could see the road. With my head hanging out of the window, I looked like Ace Ventura Pet Detective. I frantically pumped the washer fluid and desperately tried to steer the car. It turns out that it wasn't a bat that I had hit. It was some kind of large dragonfly. This was the Sasquatch of all dragonflies. I figured that I would probably need to hire a sandblaster to clean my windshield by the time this was all over.
And lastly, another thing that drives me nuts is when someone blasts you with their high-beams. The other night, I was driving up an incline on a very dark road. Just as I crested the hill, a car coming from the opposite direction blinded me with his retina-damaging headlights. It was like that scene in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." I instantly pulled over as I rubbed my eyes and tried to shake away the spots.
I'd be willing to bet that John Denver wrote "Country Road" during the day..........
kw
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