An Evening With Uncle Ted

It was a sweltering day in Baltimore as we made our way towards the Inner Harbor. The temperature was in the triple digits and the humidity was higher than Lindsey Lohan between rehab stints. But hey, it is summer time right?

Anyway, the evening started with a nice dinner at P.F. Changs on Pratt Street. I always enjoy it there, but predictably, about three quarters of the way through the meal, I found myself saying, "I'm stuffed. I can't eat another bite. Then, just as predictable, I ate several more bites.

After dinner, we (Tina, Toni, John and myself) headed over to Ram's Head Live. Although it was only about two blocks away, the 100 degree temperature made it seem like two and a half. Once we got inside the initial entrance, we had to stand in a line before we entered the actual venue. Not only was there no air conditioning in this area, but there was no air flow. So, everyone stood there sweating like Rosie O'Donnell on a tanning bed.

Once we finally got inside, we claimed our spot on the floor about twenty feet from the stage. Since we were going to be in this confined spot for the next few hours, I thought about leading the crew in some jumping jacks and mild stretching exercises. But I figured it would look a little strange. Plus, we would inevitably bump into people causing them to spill their $6 beers. So, there would be no calisthenics.

The opening act was a good looking girl from New Jersey named Lisa Bouchelle. She walked onto the stage as her band played the intro to the first song. Before she sang the first note, I couldn't help but think that she was high as a kite. As she grabbed the microphone, her eyes were half closed and she was acting a bit disoriented. Then, as she got into the meat of the song, she almost appeared to be possessed. I kept thinking about Linda Blair in The Exorcist. But I was totally digging it! After the first song, she came back to earth and followed up with several more pop/rock type songs including an interesting cover of CCR's "Midnight Special". I really enjoyed her performance. Oh, did I mention that she was good looking?

As we were waiting for Ted Nugent to take the stage, the "encroachment" ceremony began. This is the part of the show when Tina (and Toni, in this case) begins to complain, "If this girl bumps into me one more time...." As luck would have it, Toni had a tall blonde in front of her who kept flipping her hair and extending her elbows in Toni's direction. I knew this one had the potential to become another Ali vs. Frazier. I just hoped it wouldn't happen before Uncle Ted came on stage.

Meanwhile, Tina was fighting her own battle with guy who entered her no-fly zone. They got into a "You need to move up, you need to move back" routine. I've been through this too many times before. My job is to officiate and only intervene if any rules are violated. Trust me, Tina has plenty of field experience in these situations and is quite capable of holding her own.

As our two wives were fighting their respective battles, John leaned over to me and said, "We've gotta start coming to these things by ourselves."

Eventually, the wives got fed up and resorted to finding a more spacious spot near the back bar area. Aside from taking an occasional elbow and having beer sporadically spilled on us, we could finally relax.(Actually, the back of John's shirt wound up getting doused by a cup of warm lager complements of some asshole behind him. My casualties were limited to several Miller Lite foot baths).

Ted Nugent took the stage at 9 o'clock. The stage was set up with his customary big amps and a backdrop of a huge American flag. The stage also featured more than a dozen of Nugent's Gibson guitars and a few assault rifles strategically placed on the tops of the amps. It seemed a bit ironic considering that we were in the left-leaning, anti-gun state of Maryland. But hey, I'm pro-Second Amendment, so if Uncle Ted wants to display his guns, so be it...

Nugent kicked things off with a energetic version of Free For All. As the evening progressed, he played all of his classic numbers. Each one was accompanied by a profanity-laced, Nugent-esqe introduction. Ted definitely has a way with words and knows how to fire up the crowd. He's a very charismatic performer and actually quite funny at times.One of his more memorable statements was "God bless America and f*ck the rest of the world!" I don't know if I'd go quite that far, as I'm quite fond of the Irish. But I couldn't help but think that it would make a catchy bumper sticker. When it comes to speaking his mind, Nugent is the Ronald Reagan of rock and roll. And he never forgets to give praise to the troops.

The songs were filled with Ted's signature extended guitar solos. The guy can definitely jam and knows how to play to the crowd. I always thought that over the years, Nugent's playing ability got overshadowed by his wild stage antics and controversial statements. But there's no doubt that the guy definitely play a guitar!

A pleasant surprise was seeing Derek St, Holmes on the stage with Ted. A lot of people don't realize that Holmes actually sang many of the songs in Nugent's early solo career. He still has the pipes and it was great to hear him belt out classic songs like Stanglehold and Just What The Doctor Ordered.

Nugent ended the night with an encore of The Great White Buffalo. Adding color to the song, he traded in his cowboy hat for a full Indian headdress. The guy is a true showman!

I first saw Ted Nugent back in 1980 when he was played at the old Capital Center. After all of these years ,it was great to see him "up close and personal" at Ram's Head. He really hasn't changed that much. If anything, he's gotten a little wilder!

kw