One Day At The Liquor Store

Yesterday, I needed to stop by the liquor store to pick up some liquid refreshments for our annual 4th of July party. As I approached the store, I was already pissed about the recent 50 percent tax increase in alcohol purchases in Maryland (Courtesy of our wonderful tax-and-spend Governor, the alcohol tax went from 6% to 9% beginning on July 1). So, I really wasn't in the mood for any additional bullshit.

But as you have probably guessed, the bullshit hunted me down.......

As I walk towards the store, a woman who appeared to be either a crack addict or a guest star of Cops ambushes me. I immediately adapt and go on the offensive. As she starts her spiel, I cut her off and say, "Let me guess, You ran out of gas? You're in town for a wedding and your friends left you behind and you need money for a bus? You need money for to buy a can of Fix-a Flat? Am I getting warm?"

Confused, she just stares at me blankly for a few seconds. Then, she just comes out out and says, "I need two dollars. Can you help me out?"

Instead of just going about my business, I ask, "What do you need two dollars for?"

She says, "I need to get a beer."

In some twisted way, I admired her blunt honesty. Hey, I like beer too. It was kind of like an "honor among thieves" moment. But my admiration was short lived, then I turned into Dr, Phil and responded, "Well, if you have to stand outside of a liquor store and beg for beer money, you probably shouldn't drinking. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, you've got your priorities screwed up?"

Again, she gives me the confused stare and then calls me a slang name for the male anatomy. Can you believe this?

I leave the woman mumbling to herself and I walk into the store. As I walk through the door, the owner (who I happen to know, go figure) comes toward me and, in broken English, says," What dat girl say to you?"

I give him the five second version of the story. This sets him off and he goes charging outside. With arms flailing, he approaches the girl and says, "You go! I not need you bothering my customers! Silly bitch, you go before I call da cops!"

I couldn't help but laugh at the "silly bitch" reference......

He comes back in with a smile on his face says, "I take care of her. She bother my customers no more!"

I gather up my goods and the owner tells me to grab a couple of free bags of ice. He loads all of my purchases onto a hand cart. As if chasing the crack whore away wasn't enough, this guy takes my purchases out to my car for me. Now, that's what I call customer service! He wishes me a happy 4th of July and tells me to come back soon.

I think it's safe to say that I will indeed see my friend before too long.....

kw