Toys Of My Youth

Nowadays, the kids won't even give a toy a second look unless it comes with a joystick and an LCD screen. But there was a time, believe it or not, when youngsters had to make do without any virtual enhancements. Growing up in the 1970's, there were certain games and gadgets that became childhood rites of passage. Here are a few that come to mind......


The Krazy Car - I believe that this insane mode of transportation was made by the same folks who made the legendary Big Wheel. There were handles attached to the inside of each ridiculously large wheel. These handles gave one the ability to rotate the wheels in either direction. You could spin yourself through the backyard or, if you were like me, you could spin in a circle until you became naseous. Sometimes I would have this thing spinning so fast that you could smell the plastic wheels melting.


The Evel Knievel Stuntbike - Every ten year old boy (and some girls) had this one. You would put the fearless daredevil on his motorbike and then set him up on the launch pad. You would crank the handle until your shoulder went numb and then hit the release button. It was pretty amazing how fast this thing would go. I accidently crashed mine into our dog one time and thought I killed him. From then on, the dog always hightailed it upstairs when he heard the cranking sound.


Rock'em Sock'em Robots - I can remember riding the number 64 bus up to Epsteins in Baltimore to go shopping with my grandmother. As she shopped for her items and I whined until she bought me these fighting robots. You would use the primitive joysticks to manuever your personal badass robot. The idea was to land a punch to the head of your opponent's robot and "knock his block off". When you heard that familiar ratcheting sound, you knew it was game over.

Lite-Brite - This game always looked a lot more fun on the TV commercials. When I finally got one for Christmas one year, I plugged the translucent pegs into the correct holes to reveal a colorful boat or tree. After doing this a couple of times, I quickly got bored with it and thought it was pretty much a total waste of time. Not surprising, I never really developed any artistic ability. Maybe I should have spent a little more time with that Lite-Brite. Maybe I could have been a sculpter, but then again no........




The Pet Rock - Perhaps the dumbest toy ever "invented". But it didn't stop countless people from going out and spending their hard earned money on something they could pick up free from the back yard. It's kind of like spending $2 for a bottle of water when you can get it virtually free from the tap. The worst thing about The Pet Rock is that it did absolutely nothing. This thing wouldn't stand a chance in today's hi-tech toy market.

Simon - Way before American Idol, there was this Simon. The object was to follow the exact sequence of lighted buttons and annoying sounds. The sequence got faster as you progressed. It was fun the first couple of times, but after about fifteen minutes, I was ready to throw Simon up against the wall. But in Simon's defense, I guess it could be considered one of the first computer games?







The Slinky - A wise man once told me, "Ignorant people are much like Slinkys. They're pretty much useless but it's always fun to throw them down a flight of stairs." The worst thing about a Slinky was all of the work of climbing up and down the steps. I preferred a toy that allowed me to sit on my lazy ass. This might explain why I spent my childhood shopping in the "husky" section for my clothes.

The Pogo Stick - Alright, speaking of husky, let's talk about the legendary pogo stick. It seemed like a pretty cool toy. Watching my friends bouncing in and out of traffic on this thing made me envious. I had to have a go at it. But when I jumped on the spring loaded stick, the damned thing would never bounce back up. I had to face the humiliation of being the only kid in the neighborhood who couldn't operate a pogo stick! When I would ask my "friends" to let me try, they would reply, "No, you're too heavy. You'll break it!" It's a wonder that I didn't wind up in therapy......



Aside from the toys that mentioned above, who can forget these:

• The Rubik's Cube - I was never smart enough to get more than two colors together at any one time.
• Slime - It was like having a small container of snot. Very popular with the elementary school crowd.
• Cabbage Patch Dolls - I remember watching the evening news around Christmas and seeing women trampling each other at Toys R' Us over these things.
• Silly Putty - You could press this flexible gob onto a newspaper and it would pull the ink off. I can hardly contain my excitement.
• Nerf Football - I think every young boy had one of these at one time. I can remember more than one football game being disrupted due to a dog running off with our Nerf ball.
• Operation - You're trying to perform a delicate funny-bone extraction, then ZZZZZZ!!! I wonder if anyone ever had a heart attack while playing this game?

These are just a few of the toys that I can remember from my childhood. Although we didn't have Playstations and X-Boxes, somehow we managed to keep ourselves entertained......

kw