Christmas Albums - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

This is the time of year when I like to take a much needed break from my usual talk-radio shows. So, I proceed to blow the dust off of my favorite Christmas CD's and transport them out to my car. As I prepare to listen to the holiday tunes, I sometimes have to punch the CD button on the car stereo several times. I assume that since it's been stuck on the AM stations for so long, it has a difficult time understanding exactly what a CD is...

There are many good Christmas albums out there, but I have a few that rank as my personal favorites. They include:

• Christmas Eve & Other Stories by Trans-Siberian Orchestra - An absolutely brilliant album where the TSO takes you on a spirited Christmas journey.  If there is a such thing as a "kick-ass" Christmas record, this is certainly it.
• A Very Special Christmas by Various Artists - This album was produced in 1987 to raise money for the Special Olympics. It features artists such as Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, John Mellencamp, Stevie Nicks and Whitney Houston doing their renditions of their favorite Christmas classics.
• White Christmas by Bing Crosby - If you are having a rough day, let Bing Crosby take you away to a more relaxing place. The legendary crooner always delivers the perfect Christmas song.
• A Charlie Brown Christmas by The Vince Guaraldi Trio - This Christmas album always takes me back to my childhood when my biggest concern was getting to bed before Santa made his rounds.
• Elvis' Christmas Album - Elvis could make any song sound great. This collection of Christmas classics is a great example.
• The Coolest Christmas by Various Artists - This album features some of the best versions of Christmas classics. It includes the Bing Crosby/David Bowie version of The Little Drummer Boy, a cover version by The Alarm of John Lennon's classic "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)", Dean Martin's "Let It Snow" and Brenda Lee's yuletide favorite "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree". Another great Christmas CD to add to your collection.

I have to mention that I just picked up Kelly Clarkson's Christmas CD ("Wrapped In Red") and I give it an enthusiastic two thumbs up. Yes, I might be the only heterosexual male over the age of 21 who has every Kelly Clarkson CD. And yes, my friends often bust my balls about it. But anyone who thinks that the girl can't sing is either tone-deaf or delusional. 

Now, along with the good Christmas collections, there are also the not so good recordings. For instance, I recently saw an ad for "Duck The Halls" by the Robinson Brothers (aka the Duck Dynasty guys). To be fair, I don't know how bad it is because I never listened to it. And I don't intend to anytime soon....

After seeing the Duck Dynasty ad, I did a little research and found several other Christmas albums that will never get the opportunity to penetrate my ear canals. As crazy as it may seem, here are a few unconventional Christmas records that do indeed exist:

• Ho Ho Ho by Rupaul - Nothing gets you into the Christmas spirit quite like a 6-foot transvestite.
• Hung For The Holidays by William Hung - Yep, even an American Idol audition reject can make a Christmas album.
• Christmas On Death Row by Various "Artists" - A collection of uplifting holidays tunes from a bunch of gangsta rappers. It's all fun and games until someone busts a cap in Santa's ass.
• The Regis Philbin Christmas Album - I can think of a million other things that I'd rather do than listen to Regis sing anything.
• A Very Larry Christmas by Larry The Cable Guy - I imagine the same people who bought this CD also have a talking bass hanging on their living room wall. I'm sure this is a hot seller at the local Walmart but I think I'm gonna pass.
• A Twisted Christmas by Twisted Sister - If Santa had an evil twin brother, he would probably resemble Dee Snider. No, I don't think this is going to work.
• Christmas In The Heart by Bob Dylan - Listening to Bob mumble the lyrics to Winter Wonderland will have you reaching for the Scotch bottle long before he heads to the meadow to build a snow man.
• Christmas Time Again by Lynyrd Skynyrd - I had no idea Skynryd released a Christmas album back in 2000. Times must have been tight.
• Merry Christmas From The Brady Bunch - Sure, growing up, we all lived vicariously thorough the All-American sextet. But does anyone really want to hear them sing?
• The Star Wars Christmas Album - In space, no one can hear you scream. Hopefully, they can't hear you sing either.
• Yuletide Disco - This is just downright sacrilegious.

What's next?? A Big Ass Christmas Album by Kim Kardashian? Chugging With Santa Claus by Lindsey Lohan? Twerkin' Around The Christmas Tree by Miley Cyrus? Exposing My North Pole by Anthony Wiener?

When it comes to Christmas records, some are good, some are bad and some can be downright ugly........

kw