Bouncing Through the Colorado Skies

Whenever you plan a trip that requires air travel, you never really know what awaits you. If all the pieces fall into place, you arrive at your destination on time without any unforeseen mishaps. But as we know, this is a rarity. And this brings us to my latest trip to Denver.

I've flown to Denver many times over the years. Up until now, my biggest adventure was being nearly crushed by a wannabe sumo wrestler (see my blog post entitled "Big Man in the Middle"*). But this particular flight took things to a whole new level.

As we left Baltimore and reached cruising attitude, the pilot announced that we would be arriving in Denver about 30 minutes ahead of schedule. I was delighted to hear this as it would give me a little extra time to spend in one of the local brewpubs. But, in reality, I should have known that the pilot's announcement was too good to be true.

As we approached Denver International Airport (DIA), the pilot announced that there were thunderstorms in the area, so we should brace for some turbulence. It didn't take long before the plane was bouncing through the clouds like a Tilt-A-Whirl. I hadn't experienced this much turbulence since the last time I drove over the Hanover Street bridge.. At any second, I was expecting the overhead bins to pop open and rain down a storm of oversize carry-ons.

Before long, the pilot came back on and announced that DIA was temporary closed due to the lightning from the storm. So, we would be stuck in a holding pattern for about 40 minutes. So much for arriving 30 minutes early. Knowing that we'd be tossed through the turbulent air for another 40 minutes, I instinctively reached for the barf bag. But apparently, they don't supply these things any more.

The pilot made another announcement and instructed everyone to remain in their seats with their seat-belts fastened. A minute later, a couple of young kids felt the need to pee. So, against better judgement, their mother sends them down the aisle towards the bathroom. They looked like a couple of superballs as they bounced off of several seated passengers.. Watching them stagger down the aisle made me reminisce about the first time I had tequila. Eventually, the kids emerged from the bathroom and bounced back to their seats without any serious injuries.

A few minutes later, the kids' little brother decided he wanted to stand in the middle of the aisle. The boy, who I'm guessing was about three years old, had been spontaneously screaming during much of the flight. So, I guess the mother figured as long as he stayed quiet, it made perfect sense to let him stand in the middle of the aisle even after the pilot told everyone to take their seats. At one point, the kid nearly tripped one of the flight attendants as they made they're way down the aisle to collect trash.

After about 30 minutes, the pilot comes back on and tells us that DIA is still closed and we're running out of fuel. Running out of gas is never a good thing but having it happen at 15,000 feet puts in in a new perspective.. Running on fumes above Denver, the pilot announced that we were being diverted to the Colorado Springs airport to refuel..This brought a chorus of sighs from the cabin. This would add at least two more hours to the trip. This really pissed off a few people. They were bitching and calling it "unacceptable". I felt like grabbing them by the neck and asking, "Hey Einstein, do you know that if we don't get fuel, we're going to drop out the freggin' sky?!?"

Agghh!

We eventually landed in Colorado Springs. Immediately, several irate people wanted to get off of the plane. The flight attendants explained that if they got off, they would not be permitted to get back on. After they confirmed that they understood the rules, the airport staff located a set of mobile steps, and they were allowed to deplane. Of course, this added a little more time to the trip for the majority of the passengers.. Feeling tired, nauseous and hungry, I almost felt like getting off the plane myself. But serving as some type of divine intervention, an attractive woman in tight yoga pants kept getting up and stretching. I'm not sure if she was doing it on purpose, but it definitely seemed to serve as a much needed diversion for any guys within gawking distance.

After about an hour, we took off from the short runway in Colorado Springs and we headed back into the turbulent skies. After another prolonged series of bumps, we finally started to make our descent into Denver. When the plane touched down, the pilot, who had a heavy French accent, announced, "Ahhhhhh, we're finally here." As irritated as we all were, we couldn't help laugh. Although we were several hours late, we had arrived safely. And that's gotta count for something.....

kw

* http://kensmouthpiece.blogspot.com/2013/05/big-man-in-middle.html