The Tick Doctor

It's that time of the year when we often find ourselves out in the back yard. And whether we're cutting the grass, working in the garden or just lounging around, there's a good chance that we might encounter one of those dreaded ticks. If you're lucky, you'll notice it before it finds it's way to your bloodstream. But that's not always the case......

Recently, Tina discovered one of these parasitic creatures on her. As luck would have it, the tick had buried it's head under her skin, It was in a spot that she couldn't reach, so she asked me to perform the extraction. Probably not the wisest move on her part, considering that I'm not really the woodsman type. Plus, I don't really like bugs. But, nonetheless, I accepted the challenge.

I had once heard that coating the tick with oil would cause it to "come up for air" and release it's grip. So, I retreated to the bathroom to collect my supplies. I rounded up some baby oil, a jar of Vaseline and a tube of Banana Boat sunscreen. I figured it never hurts to be over-prepared. As I came out of the bathroom, Tina rolled her eyes and said, "Are you kidding me? Just grab a pair of tweezers!"

Feeling a bit rejected, I returned to the bathroom to retrieve the tweezers. Since I had no real medical experience, I secretly Googled "how to remove a tick" on my smartphone. According to what I read, the trick is to grab the tick as close to the head as possible and gently pull. Feeling somewhat confident, I came back out of the bathroom with tweezers in hand. (A surgeon's mask would have been a really cool addition but I didn't have one handy.) As I approached "the patient", I slipped on my reading glasses and said, "OK, let's have a look at this thing."

I gingerly poked at the tick. It clearly had no plans plans on going anywhere anytime soon. So, I grabbed him with the tweezers and gave a gentle tug. He was a stubborn little bastard. Acting somewhat insubordinate, Tina instructed me to "just pull him until he came out". By the way, who's the doctor here?

I grabbed the tick and pulled. He still wasn't coming out! How could this little thing be so strong? Could he possibly be on steroids? Getting frustrated, I grabbed him one last time and pulled extra hard. I nearly fell on my ass as the resistance gave way. Feeling like I just took down a water buffalo, I proudly displayed my trophy to Tina. As she studied the tick, I sensed that something wasn't quite right. Upon further review, it appeared that I was holding a headless tick in my tweezers. And that could only mean one thing: the head was still under Tina's skin. Now what?

Figuring the situation was now similar to removing a splinter, I retreated to the garage to grab my utility knife. As I returned with my scalpel, Tina stopped me and said, "You're not getting anywhere near me with that thing!" I just stood there looking dejected as if my medical license had just been revoked.

I ultimately wound up poking around a little more with a sewing needle but the effort was futile. I couldn't get the damned thing out. At this rate, Tina was going to need a Tetanus shot from the invading sewing needle. So, I reluctantly threw in the towel....

When it was all said and done, Tina wound up going to the doctor to have the tick's head removed. I couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. But, hey, at least I tried.....

kw