Accents & Attitudes

I’ve been in different parts of the country through the years, and although we generally speak the same language, it sure doesn’t sound the same. For instance, I live in the Baltimore area and we have a distinct dialect like no other. Anyone who lives here knows exactly what I’m talking about. A couple of examples: Baltimorons will pronounce the word ocean as oh-shin and the word water as warter. And they’ll frequently condense the syllables. For instance, Baltimore instantly becomes Balmer, Belair becomes Blair and even the two letter “OK” simply becomes “K”. And even the local term of endearment is Hon (short for Honey). The only other place I’ve heard this dialect is in nearby Philadelphia.

When you get up into the New York/New Jersey area, people not only have a unique dialect, they have the attitude to go along with it. For instance, instead of saying, “Excuse me sir, could you please move your car?” a New Yorker might say “Hey ya f*ckin’ moron, how’s about movin’ ya f*ckin’ car before I put a foot up ya ass!!” Tough crowd up there!

And the funniest thing with New Yorkers is that they’re totally oblivious to the way they come off to other people. If you tell them they’re being rude, they’ll just look at you like your nuts and say. “What da f*ck aw ya tawkin’ about?” It’s just the way it is…….

And although people in the southern states tend to be more pleasant, their total lack of urgency can be trying at times. Sometimes, it will take them a day and a half to get a full sentence out! They’ll say something like, “Now, ya’ll come on in an’ make ya’self at home. Where ya’ll say ya’lls from? Can I git ya’ll some pork cracklins or some pop? Junior went up yonda an’ picked us up some Dr. Pepper yesterday”. It takes forever to get these words out! After about five minutes, you feel like violently shaking them and saying, "Holy sh*t! Will you please say what you have to say before I hang myself?!!" It can be torturous for a northerner but it’s actually hard to get mad at them because they’re so damned nice!

People from Louisiana can have such a heavy dialect that it sometimes seems like they’re speaking a foreign language. In fact, I think “Cajun” is sort of a foreign language. Several months ago, I was watching an interview with a Cajun guy from, as he put it, Nawlins.. If it weren’t for the subtitles, I wouldn’t have been able to understand a word he was saying.

A while back, I was in Minnesota. The people up there definitely have some peculiarities. In the middle of a conversation, they’ll spontaneously interject an emphatic “Ya”. And they’ll also use it to confirm what you just told them. For example, after I tell a story to a New Yorker, he might say “Are you f*cking kidding me?” But a Minnesota native will simply scrunch his face up and ask “Ya?”. And they’ll often end a sentence with “Ya know”. For instance, I asked one of the locals why it was so damned cold in Minnesota. He replied, “It’s because of all the lakes, ya know.”

Remember back in the 80’s when the California Valley accent was on the rise? I’m sure everyone remembers the Frank Zappa song, “Valley Girl”. Who can forget those endearing terms like Oh ma God, Fer sure, tooootaly, gag me with a spoon, etc. I can’t really say that I miss hearing them.

And although it’s not indigenous to the US, you gotta love the British accent. You can take the biggest dumbass in the world, give him a British accent and he suddenly sounds like Albert freggin' Einstein!. And British women instantly become much more sexy and sophisticated. Remember Elizabeth Hurley in the movie Bedazzled? Just hearing her voice was an instant turn on. (Ok, maybe the bikini had a little  to do with it too, but still!) And what’s up with Madonna? How does she live in the United States her whole life and suddenly develop a British accent. I’ve seen TV shows where people get bumped on the head and mysteriously begin to speak Portuguese. I wonder if something like this happened to her.

That’s America for you. Depending on where you are, you never know what you're going to get!

KW