Candy Bars - A Retrospective

All right folks, sit back while I'll take you on a ride down memory lane. Well, sort of.....

When I was a youngster, I used to like to play baseball, climb trees and throw snowballs at anything that moved. However, these things were no match for my true love: Candy bars. If it had sugar and/or chocolate, it was destined to wind up in my digestive system.

There was always a wide variety of candy bars at Shapiro's corner store in my neighborhood. I would always look forward to marching my chubby ass down Maude Avenue to pick up my latest supply. My mind would be in a frenzy deciding on whether I would go with the always satisfying Snickers or something new and mysterious.

One time, I was pleasantly surprised to see that there was new candy bar in town. It was called the Marathon bar. It was about a foot long and was basically a long braid of caramel and chocolate. I had recently seen a Marathon commercial during an episode of Fat Albert. And, as the kids say today, I was stoked! After I finally purchased the thing, I was like a kid with a new puppy. I proudly walked down the street, past the other neighborhood kids, waving my braid of caramel and chocolaty goodness. While making my way through the ogling children, I was saying things like, "This thing is soooooo good. Don't ya wish you could have a bite?" Of course, I was just toying with them because, when they approached me, I would cram whatever was left of the candy bar into my mouth. (The joke would ultimately be on me as I spent my whole childhood as a "husky" kid with countless hours in a dentist's chair).

Some of the other candy bars that wound up in my temporary collection were:

• The Zagnut
• The Oh, Henry
• The Sky bar
• The $100,000 bar
• The Bit-O-Honey
• The Chunky bar
• The Clark bar
• The Mars bar
• The Reggie bar

And, it should come as no surprise, I was a huge fan of the Reese Cup. But there was another "cup" that was a much harder to come by: The Mallo Cup. I used to dream about these marshmallow filled pieces of chocolately heaven. The problem was that not many candy stores sold them. So, when I would accidently stumble on a place that sold them, I would impulsely say, "I'll take a whole box!". Of course, as a ten year old, I would never have enough nickels and dimes for the whole box. So, I would just scatter my change all over the counter and pathetically ask the cashier, "How much will this buy me?"

The poor old guy at the store would spend ten minutes counting the loose change, then finally shove three or four Mallo Cups in my direction. These days, the only one who can seem to find these things is my sister-in-law. Every now and then, she'll call me and say, "Hey Ken, I picked you up some Mallo Cups today." It's like the ten year in me instinctively kicks in because the next words out of my mouth are, "Come on Tina, we gotta take a ride! Now!"

Speaking of in-laws, my brother-in-law recently stumbled upon a lost gem: the elusive Chick-O-Stick. It's probably not technically considered a candy bar and it certainly has nothing to do with chicken. It's simply a crunchy piece of peanut butter bliss. It's kind of like a Butterfinger bar without the chocolate. You can never go wrong with a Chick-O-Stick!

The following message is brought to you by the Baby Ruth bar............

Although the Baby Ruth has been in production for over 100 years, and it still remains a best selling candy bar, there are some misconceptions about it. It's original name was the Kandy Kake. It was renamed the Baby Ruth bar in 1921. And although the Curtiss Candy Company claimed that the new name was a tribute to Preseident Grover Cleveland's daughter, and not the legendary baseball player, there was plenty of reason to doubt it......

After all, Grover Cleveland had left office in 1908 and his daughter, Ruth, had passed away at a young age in 1904. So, why wait until 1921 to rename the candy bar? Could it possibly be because Babe Ruth's popularity was on the rise during this time? And to add to the controversy, The Curtiss Candy Company had unsuccessfullt tried to negotiate an endorsement deal with the baseball slugger. Also worth noting is that the candy comapny had it's own baseball ties as it was located on the same street as Chicago's legendary Wrigley Field. But, after all of these years, the official story is that the bar is named after little Ruthie Cleveland. So, if this ever comes up in a trivia contest, you'll have me to thank!

Even today, I'm still a candy bar junkie. When I don't time for lunch, I often find myself stopping off at a vending machine for a Milky Way fix. And the large bag of Halloween candy that we buy for the pending treat or treaters is usually half empty by the time October 31st arrives. Hey, they're minature candy bars. If I happen to eat a dozen, is it really that bad?

Is it any wonder why I still spend way too much time in a dentist's chair???

KW