Baltimore - An Ugly City?

Travel and Leisure magazine recently conducted a reader's survey on thirty-five American cities. The survey ranked the cities on things like hotels, nightlife, hospitals, restaurants, etc. It also ranked the people of each city on things like style, friendliness, athleticism and attractiveness. And this is where my hometown didn't stack up very well. Baltimore was ranked the second ugliest city in the US! (In case you're wondering, Memphis claimed the grand prize).

So, what do we make of it? Is Baltimore really that unattractive? Should I feel insulted consdering that I was born and raised in Baltimore. Perhaps I should just cut my head off and grow a scab? I just don't know...

This might help put a little perspective on things. Here's the good, bad and ugly of some of the more famous people who have, at some point, called Baltimore thier home:

• Babe Ruth - In my opinion, the greatest baseball player who ever lived. But let's face it, the Babe had a mug that could make an onion cry!
• John Astin - Most famous for playing the father on The Addam's Family.
• John Waters - Make your own judgement on how he looks. But his films are sure trashy.
• Nancy Pelosi - As much as I don't want to admit it, yes, she's from Baltimore. I'm not saying she's unattractive. But if ugliness were a brick, Nancy would be the Great Wall of China!
• David Hasselhoff - Ladies, you make the call. But, back in the day, he hung out on the beach with Pamela Anderson and Yasmine Bleeth. That's gotta count for something!
• Tom Clancy - Great writer but no one's going to mistake him for Brad Pitt.
• Melissa Stark - A former sideline reporter for Monday Night Football. A good looking woman who is knowledgeable about football. This makes her an automatic 10 in my book!
• Ric Ocasek - Front man for the rock band, The Cars. Sure, the the tall, lanky musician has to sneak up on a mirror. But, in true rock star fashion, he did marry a hot model.

I spend a fair amount of time in downtown Baltimore. So, I can see for myself how attractive or unattractive the people really are. For instance, I saw a twenty-something girl at a local Subway last week. She was all covered in tattoos and had multiple piercings across her face. I had to wonder if the tattoos and piercings were really just a twisted effort to hide her true appearance. I'm not kidding, this girl was scary enough to give Freddy Krugger a nightmare. The good news is, as long as there are freak shows, she'll always have a job.

And I was at a Baltimore area Wal-Mart (go figure!) recently and ran into a guy who could have easily been mistaken for Sasquatch. Seriously, this guy had so much hair growing from his neck, arms and ears I thought he might have been wearing a gorilla suit. His loose fitting Washington Wizard's basketball jersey forced everyone to reluctantly take notice. How bad was it? If this guy went to visit the zoo, they probably wouldn't let him leave. And when he needs medical attention, I'll bet he goes to a vet! Yeah, he was that hairy. Although this guy seemed to be Baltimore resident, let's not lose sight of the fact that this was Wal-Mart. A place that brings out the Jerry Springer guest in all of us.

Through the years, I have heard on occasion, "She's not much to look at, but she's really nice". (Come on, don't act surprised. You know you've heard this too!). It's kind of the consolation prize for not being blessed with good looks. So, with Baltimore having the moniker of "Charm City", you would think that it could have least be viewed as "really nice". But, noooo! The Time and Leisure article lists Baltimore as only the 29th friendliest city (out of 35).

Completing the trifecta, Baltimore also placed 29th in the list of most intelligent cities. So, not only does the rest of the country view us as ugly and mean. They think we're stupid too! I'm starting to feel like a pinata!

Let's try not to end on such a negative note. I have indeed seen some very friendly and attractive people around Baltimore. Of course, they were working at Hooters. But we've gotta start somewhere.

KW