Grocery Shopping on a Snowy Day

So, this morning Tina asks me to go to grocery store with her. Normally, I don't mind, but snow was in the forecast for today. And in Maryland, this usually creates pandemonium from the "bread. milk and toilet paper" crowd. But being the trooper that I am, I agreed to go along...

First off, Tina has started a new diet that involves a lot of vegetables. Approaching the produce section, she tells me to grab some cauliflower and broccoli. It seemed easy enough but I soon realized that I was a stranger in a strange land. After searching through a multitude of foreign objects (tomatoes, carrots, celery, etc), I finally stumbled across the broccoli and cauliflower. Depositing these items into the shopping cart, I felt a bit overwhelmed. Being so close to all of these green leafy vegetables was starting to make me light-headed. In an act of basic survival, I escape over to the meat section where I bond with the bratwurst and ribeyes. It's comforting to be among friends.

Going my own way in the grocery store only means that I'm ultimately going to spend the better part of an hour trying to reunite with Tina. I'll walk the entire length of the store several times, craning my neck to peer down each aisle. It's truly amazing that even after ten trips, I see can't find her. I actually get a kink in my neck from twisting it back and forth many times. I think about how Linda Blair felt after that scene in the Exorcist.

Somehow, this causes a light-bulb to go off in my head....

I'm seriously thinking about pitching an idea to the grocery store owners. I would like to see a bar in every grocery store. No longer will guys moan and groan about having to go to the store with their wives. The ladies get to shop in peace while the guys become euphoric in aisle five. Personally, I would like to see the bar set up near the seafood section so that I could order up some steamed shrimp with my Sam Adams draft. But that's just me...

Back to reality....

Once I finally reunite with Tina, we head towards the checkout line. We go to the line that only has one customer in it. Of course, there's always a catch. The woman in line seems to be getting each of her items rung up separately. And each time, she goes back into her purse to retrieve her money. I would expect this kind of thing at Walmart, but we're at the local grocery store.

We finally make it to the cashier. She's a husky woman who seems to be having an issue supporting her own body weight. So, she leans on the counter with one arm while she scans each of our items with the other. She almost seems to be getting winded by all of this "strenuous" activity. If scanning groceries kicks your ass, at the very least, you should probably put down the Snickers bar (I only mention this because there was an empty Snickers wrapper behind the counter).

So, we finally get out to the parking lot where the wet snow is really coming down. We load the car up and head out. I wind my window down to clear the snow off. As a result, a pile of wet snow falls inside of the car and all over me. I've got cold snow down the back of my neck. And the front of my jeans look like I pissed myself. Tina thinks it's hilarious that I'm such a "dumb-ass", but I personally don't find any humor in it.

Yep, after the first of the year, I think I'll call the grocery store execs and pitch them my bar idea. It can't come soon enough...

kw