Hanging Out In The Front Yard

So, I'm reading an article this morning about a town in New York that's in the process of making it illegal to hang your laundry out on your front lawn. Apparently, there's been an outcry from at least a few residents who find the front yard clothelines a bit gaudy.

I'm not a big advocate of the government telling people what they can do with their homes, but in this case I can kind of see their point. I mean, who wants to see someone's underwear flapping in the wind?

People should have enough decency and pride in their neighborhood to avoid these kinds of debates, But, I can tell you, that's not always the case. While driving through the bowels of Baltimore City on occasion, I often see the ghetto element staring right at me from the front lawns of the residents. For example, we've all heard of the backyard barbarque. It's always been part of Americana to sip on a cold beer while grilling up some steaks in the backyard. So, can someone please explain to me when or why it became traditional to put the grill out on the front lawn? And to add to my confusion, the preferred grilling time for the urban front-yards is around 11 o'clock at night!

Another thing that has become an urban tradition is living room furniture on the front porch. In many cases, the upholstered sofas and chairs are exposed to the elements without so much as a roof overhead  So, if your neighbor ever  invites you over for a malt liquor on the front porch, be careful where you sit or you might get a wet ass.

On one extraordinary situation, I saw a baby's playpen on the front lawn. The kicker? Right next to it was a tie-out which happened to be attached to a large pitbull. On a side note, out of pure curiosity, does anyone in the city own any breed other than the pitbull? On second thought, I guess a poodle would look kind of silly with one of those heavy chains and a padlock around it's neck.....

Now, the city isn't the only place where the front yard is subject to abuse. When I lived in Glen Burnie, one of the neighbors had an old rusted out Jeep proudly displayed on the front lawn. The engine and hood had been removed and after a couple of years, a tree began to grow between the two front bumpers. It was a scene that would have made any self-respecting redneck proud! One of the neighbors finally asked the Jeep owner to remove the vehicle, but it fell on deaf ears. It was obvious that these aristocrats had no intention of moving the mechanical corpse. It was becoming a real embarrassment to the whole neighborhood. So, a unanimous call was made to the health department* and within a few days, the hideous vehicle was finally gone.

(* My experience has been that calling the city/county for situations like rusted Jeeps in the front yard can be very frustrating and time consuming. But, if you call the health department and utter the magic sentence, "I saw rats!", things quickly kick into high gear. For me, it's all about getting from A to point B with the least amount of bullshit in between.)

Jumping back to my original topic, I find it kind of ironic that the government is actually pursuing a clothesline ban in the first place. Isn't the government always lecturing us to be more "green"? You would think that Uncle Sam would want to see your drawers flapping in the wind instead of tumbling inside of a gas dryer.

By the way, word has it that the same New York neighborhood who will be banning clotheslines, is also looking at banning front-porch furniture. Like I mentioned before, I don't like the government involved in our lives anymore than it already is. But the bottom line is....... clotheslines belong in the back yard and La-Z-Boys belong in the living room. Do you really need Big Brother to tell you this?

kw