Endless Baseball Stats

As I'm watching the Orioles/Yankees game this afternoon, I can't help but notice the never-ending statistics that are associated with modern day baseball. As each new stat rolls in, I find myself saying, "How do the come up with this crap??" You practically need a masters degree from M.I.T. to understand some of these things.

Day games vs. night games. Fast balls vs. breaking balls. Home games vs. away games. Straight hats vs. crooked hats. Where does it end?

Here's some banter that you might hear from the announcers during the course of an average ball game:

(Announcer) Joe: Adam Jones comes to the plate with a runner on second base.

(Announcer) Scott: Great observation, Joe. Adam is batting .282 with runners in scoring position. However, when the runner happens to be on second, the average goes up to .291.

Joe: Good point, Scottie. When you factor in road games on natural grass, Jonesy is batting and impressive .315. However, this is only when he has less than two strikes. Once he reaches two strikes, the averages dips to .243.

Scott: Speaking of dipping, did you know that Chris Davis has .745 slugging percentage when he comes to the plate with a large wad of tobacco under his bottom lip?

Joe: No, I didn't know that, Scott. Very interesting.

Scott: Even more interesting is that when Davis gets tobacco juice on home plate, he grounds out to the first baseman 75% of the time.

Joe: So, what you're saying is that Davis should keep the juice off of home plate? Or perhaps he should have the umpire clean it before each pitch?

Scott: It would seem to make sense, Joe. But taking it a little further, when Davis happens to spray the opposing catcher with tobacco juice, his home run percentage doubles. So, it would probably make more sense to spit on the catcher before each pitch.

Joe: (laughing) I don't know about that one, Scott. I think the opposing team might have something to say about it!

Scott: Oh, no doubt. But Davis has developed a technique where he can stream a wad of juice out of the corner of his mouth while the pitcher is in full wind-up. It's a trick that would make David Copperfield jealous. The umpire never sees it! And, amazingly, the catcher never knows what hit him. Meanwhile, Davis is busy rounding the bases after crushing one over the center-field fence.

Joe: (laughing harder) I guess you could say things can go from "Splat!" to "Boom!" in a hurry!

Scott: Yes indeed, Joe. But keep in mind, this only applies to night games......

kw