The Loud Table Next Door

Most people talk at a normal volume which allows for sufficient communication for a private conversation. However, there are some people who seem to have absolutely no control over their verbal volume knob.

Case in point, last night we're at a local bar for Trivia night. There are about eight people at the table directly behind us. I could tell from the very beginning that things might get a little loud. There was one guy on the end who was decked out in Oriole's apparel. He was fairly quiet until the O's game came on  around 8:00. Once the game started, he instantly transitioned into a loud, obnoxious play-by-play announcer. With every play, he would scream at one of the barroom TV's, "COME ON, MACHADO!! YOU GOTTA SCORE ON THAT PLAY!

Then on the very next play, he would yell, "WHAT ARE YOU SWINGING AT, NICK?!! WAIT FOR YOUR PITCH, DAMMIT!! COME ON, MAN! THINK!!"

Keep in mind, this guy was sitting about three feet away from me with his chair turned sideways. So, when he yelled, he was basically screaming right into my ear. I found myself nearly jumping out of my seat every time he critiqued a play. It was like someone jumping out from a dark corner and yelling "BOO!" every 30 seconds. I'm really surprised that I didn't have a heart attack by the end of the night.

If that wasn't bad enough, there were several women at the table who had these shrill, piercing laughs. One woman, who for some reason stood up all night, must have been a wannabe comedian. From her heightened position, her voice would blast past us and then hit the wall behind us, causing a boomerang effect  that nearly decapitated our entire team. She would blast a comment and the rest of the women at the table would cackle like a group of hungry hyenas. Meanwhile, my team is busy trying to come up with the correct answer to the current trivia question. But it was all but impossible with the skull-splitting commotion coming from table next-door.

The worst part is that the women seemed to be in competition with one another over who could be the most witty (and unfortunately for us, the loudest!). When one of them said something, they rest of the table would screech in approval at an unnatural decibel level. And then, at the first opportunity, another one would chime in which would inevitably cause the group to howl even louder. I swear, at one point, I thought my ear drums were going to explode! And the whole time, the Oriole guy seemed to be oblivious to the whole thing as he screamed, "COME ON, ADAM! QUIT SWINGING' AT BALLS IN THE DIRT!!"

What made matters worse, as loud and obnoxious as these individuals were, they were also very good at trivia. My team had missed only two questions all night, but impressively, the loud table was still ahead of us. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't piss me off. Adding insult to injury, every time they got an answer right, they would give each other high-fives and wail at the top of their lungs. I thought for sure that the glass beer mugs behind the bar would shatter at some point!

All of this kind of reminded me of a scenario from when I used to bowl. There would always be at least one bowling team who would bring one of those air horns that looked like a can of spray paint. When someone on their team got a strike, they would let loose with a blast of the horn. It used to annoy the hell out of me. But, given the choice between the air horn or the group of cackling hens from last night, I'll take the air horn every time.

Towards the end of the night, my buddy Kevin left for an extended visit to the men's room. When he eventually got back, I figured it was just the nachos that had finally taken their toll on his digestive system. But he informed me that his stomach was fine and that he had only retreated to the men's room for some much needed peace and quiet. Yep, I'd say that pretty much summed it up......

kw