Maryland! My Maryland! - Offending Everyone

Yesterday, a crowd gathered in Columbia, South Carolina to watch the Confederate flag come down for the last time. As the SC Honor Guard slowly lowered the flag, the crowd cheered wildly. You could hear brief chants of "Take it down" and "U-S-A!".  As the drama unfolded, TV cameras panned the audience for any signs of emotion. And when the ceremony concluded, people were already talking about other things that should be banned....

There's already a push to take down statues of Robert E. Lee and any other memorials of the Confederacy. Although these people and events were an integral part of our nation's history, there are those who seem to want to erase it. Sorry folks, you can't change the past by simply removing any references to it. So, instead of removing a statue of someone like General Lee, wouldn't it make more sense to use it as a teaching opportunity? I'm using logic and reason here, so nevermind.

Recently, in my home state of Maryland, Delegate Karen Lewis Young recently submitted a bill to have the state song changed. According to the Frederick delegate, "Maryland, My Maryland", which has been the state song since 1939, celebrates the Confederacy and disparages the Union government. And Guy Djoken, president of the NAACP's Frederick County chapter, chimed in by saying that the words in the song make people uncomfortable. Really? Aside from the title, I have to wonder how many people actually know any words to the song. Perhaps the most "hurtful" line comes in the final verse:

I hear the distant thunder-hum,
Maryland!
The Old Line's bugle, fife, and drum,
Maryland!
She's not dead, nor deaf, nor dumb
Huzza! She spurns the Northern scum!
She breathes! She Burns! She'll come! She'll come!
Maryland! My Maryland!

Since we're at a point where we're now splitting hairs in the name of political correctness, there's enough beef in this verse to offend just about everyone. Of course, the "Northern scum" reference is the one which is supposedly the most "hurtful". Yes, I can see how an insult from 150 years ago can cause a liberal to lose sleep at night. But what about the other stuff? For instance, what's with all of the shouting? Did you catch all of those explanation points? WTF? It's enough to give a child a case of PSTD! (Oops, sorry for the explanation point in that last sentence. I'm a bit excited.)

And what's with the deaf and dumb reference? There's gotta be something in the American with Disabilities Act that bans such a derogatory line. Get the lawyers on the phone! And while we're at it, let's sue The Who for those lyrics about that pinball-playing kid.

By the way, what the hell is a Huzza? I have absolutely no idea but I'm pretty sure that someone will find a reason to be offended by it.

And do we really have to call the line "old"? Is that really nice? I'm thinking that the AARP might have something to say about this.

Lastly, let us dive into the deep end and examine the line: She breathes, she burns, she'll come! This sounds like something you'd hear on a late-night Cinemax channel. My God! There hasn't been such emotional distress from a song since Robert Plant squeezed his lemon and let the juice run down his leg. Promiscuous young women from Cumberland to Ocean City are probably lining up to breed as we speak! We must ban this song before the next illegitimate child is conceived in Baltimore!

Agghhhhh!

Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a little. But you can see how ridiculous things are getting. I can hardly wait to hear what's next....

kw

City On Fire - Out With The Old Boss

Since the riots back in May, the leadership in Baltimore has taken some heavy criticism. The ongoing barrage of daily shootings has many believing that the Mayor and police department are powerless to the street thugs. The numerous murders have transformed Baltimore into The City That Bleeds.

So, it was only a matter of time before someone in the city's leadership got thrown under the bus. Yesterday, the Mayor announced that she was firing BCPD Commissioner Anthony Batts. Although many people were calling for his resignation, it was somewhat of a surprise that Rawlings-Blake actually fired him. You see, the Mayor was between a rock and a hard place. First off, SRB brought Batts to Baltimore, so by firing him, she kind of concedes that she made a mistake. And up until yesterday, the Mayor had pretty much stood by the Commissioner's side and defended him against any criticism. 

The Mayor herself has been heavily criticized in recent months. So, by sacrificing Batt's, I assume her goal is to distance herself from the political lightning rod. With the move, she's rolling the dice in hopes of a gradual decline in the city's violence under the interim Commissioner. With her re-election campaign looming, she needs anything that can help end her current term on a positive note. I don't expect much to change for the good in the near future, but if it does, Rawlings-Blake can then "legitimately" claim that she had the insight to make the difficult decision to fire Batts. She gets feather in her hat while the former Commissioner continues to clean the tire tracks off of his back. (Are you starting to understand how politics work?)

I am certainly not saying that Batts didn't deserve to be fired. During the riots, he allowed his men to by hung out to dry. Standing by while his troops were getting pummeled by bricks and bottles was pathetic. I don't care if Jesus Christ issued the order to stand down, you don't allow your guys to take an embarrassing beat-down like that. Especially, when it was being broadcast live across the world!

One of the City Council members said that Batts had "lost the locker room." After what I've heard from a few cops, I'd say that's a pretty good analogy.

I did find it rather odd that during the press conference yesterday, SRB continuously praised Batts for his good work and dedicated service. It was almost like she was about to present him with a merit award. She also mentioned something about the crime rate going down under his watch. Really? Someone dies in the streets of Baltimore everyday and crime is going down? 

Summing it up, the Mayor basically said that Batts was becoming a "distraction". Personally, I find the random gunfire in the city more of a distraction. But what do I know?

kw

The Confederate Flag - Does It Make A Difference?

The Confederate Flag has long been a contested symbol of southern pride and/or racism depending on who's side you're on. Should it continue to fly on government property in places like South Carolina? Should it continue to fly anywhere at all? Regardless of the debate, it seems like heavy pressure from politically-correct crowd has energized the removal process.

The latest push to have the Confederate Flag eradicated came shortly after the recent Charleston church tragedy in which nine blacks were murdered by a deranged "white supremacist". And while almost everyone agrees that this was a cold and absolutely senseless crime, a narrative is being spun that the Confederate Flag somehow contributed to the killings. And it's now being launched into the predictable "never let a crisis go to waste" mode.

Within the past week, we've heard about retailers such as Amazon pulling Confederate Flag related items from their virtual shelves. Even the gift shops at the Gettysburg Battlefield have caved in and have pulled various "controversial" flag items from their inventory. I guess we're supposed to ignore the fact that the Confederacy ever existed? The Gettysburg tour guides are going to have an uphill battle trying to describe that imaginary army who fought against the Union soldiers. And, in one of the most egregious displays of political correctness ever, TV Land announced that it will no longer show re-runs of The Dukes of Hazzard. Why? Because the General Lee (oops, can we still mention his name?), one of the most iconic cars in television history, has a Confederate Flag painted on it's roof. For over 30 years, no one really seemed to mind. But now, the '69 Charger is suddenly offensive. You can't make this stuff up, folks!

So, while Confederate Flags are disappearing quicker than Hillary Clinton emails, the big question remains..... Is any of this really going to matter? If we outlaw all of these flags, will we see an instant decrease in black homicides in places like Baltimore? Will life suddenly become much better for the countless "disenfranchised" youths of the black community? I think we all know that it won't make a bit of difference. But still, the race hustlers beat their chests and push ahead with these senseless campaigns. Instead of promoting unity, they find ways of instigating racial tensions. And after they create it, the media then packages and sells it.

After the Charleston church shooting, we heard about how we need to have a honest dialogue on race relations in this country. While it sounds like a great idea, the reality of it actually happening is nothing more than a pipe-dream. When the dialogue becomes honest, people have a tendency to get their feelings hurt. And then the race card is thrown in and all progress goes out the window. The next thing you know, we lose focus and start blaming trivial things like the Confederate Flag.

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At one of the funerals of the slain Charleston church members, a Reverend was giving the eulogy. During the speech (I'm paraphrasing), he paused and said, "They tell me that Dylann Roof took the lives of our nine brothers and sisters in order to start a race war. Well, if Mr. Roof really wanted that, he came to wrong Church!"

Wow!!

It was one of the most powerful statements that I've ever heard. I actually got goosebumps when I heard it. Instead of allowing this senseless tragedy to divide us, the people of this church opted to use it as a healing opportunity.  Unfortunately, other than the initial broadcast, the Reverend's message got virtually no media attention. Instead, they chose to run extended coverage on the outrage over the Confederate Flag. Is there any wonder why we're not making a whole lot of progress?

kw

Charleston - The Politics of a Tragedy

Over the past few days, I've been catching bits and pieces of the news coverage surrounding the Charleston church shooting. I think we can all agree that that it was a senseless tragedy. Because of a dimwitted, racist piece of dog-shit, nine Charleston families are now preparing to bury their loved ones.

Before the smoke had even cleared, the usual suspects stepped onto their political soapboxes and started the predictable banter. The gun control crowd quickly hijacked the situation to push their "evil gun" narrative. These folks always like to blame to gun as if it's capable of pulling it's own trigger. The shooter in this case, Dylann Roof, was responsible for this massacre. Period.

Former Maryland Governor Owe'Malley, in an email to his supporters, said that the NRA blamed the victims for their own deaths. Come on, do you really think that they said that? In the email, he also reiterated that he was "pissed" about inaction by Congress on gun control. He used the opportunity to beat his chest about Maryland's stricter gun control laws in which he played a part. Yeah, those laws are really making a positive difference in places like Baltimore, huh?

As predictable as the gun-grabbers, the race-hustlers quickly sprung into action. Was this a racially motivated crime? Absolutely! But what does that have to do with anyone else? The overwhelming majority of whites are equally outraged and sickened by Roof's actions. That sick bastard doesn't represent anyone except himself. So, it really pisses me off when I hear the race-baiters acting as if Roof's heinous act is representative of whites in general.

I've even heard that Fox News was being blamed for the shooting. I guess there was a subliminal message on The O'Reilly Factor that the rest of us somehow missed?

Moving right along, there is now a big push to have the Confederate flag removed from the grounds of the South Carolina state capital. While this flag has been a lightning rod of controversy for a long time, it's now being (at least partly) blamed for the Charleston tragedy. Striking while the iron's hot, it creates an opportune time for the flag's critics to plead their case. The Governor of South Carolina, Nikki Haley, along with the state's two US Senator's, Lindsey Graham and Tim Scott (all Republicans) have called for the complete removal of the flag. We'll see if the movement gains traction in the upcoming days.

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On Friday, I listened to the victims families express forgiveness for Roof. I have to admit, it was very touching. It takes a big person to forgive someone in this type of situation, especially so soon after it happened. While I doubt that I could do it, I truly admire their resolve.

In has been reported that Dylann Roof, by slaughtering these nine innocent people, was attempting to start a race war. But after watching the outpouring of support and sympathy for the victims' families by people of all colors, it looks like his actions may have actually had an adverse effect. At least, that's what we can hope for....

kw

The Tick Doctor

It's that time of the year when we often find ourselves out in the back yard. And whether we're cutting the grass, working in the garden or just lounging around, there's a good chance that we might encounter one of those dreaded ticks. If you're lucky, you'll notice it before it finds it's way to your bloodstream. But that's not always the case......

Recently, Tina discovered one of these parasitic creatures on her. As luck would have it, the tick had buried it's head under her skin, It was in a spot that she couldn't reach, so she asked me to perform the extraction. Probably not the wisest move on her part, considering that I'm not really the woodsman type. Plus, I don't really like bugs. But, nonetheless, I accepted the challenge.

I had once heard that coating the tick with oil would cause it to "come up for air" and release it's grip. So, I retreated to the bathroom to collect my supplies. I rounded up some baby oil, a jar of Vaseline and a tube of Banana Boat sunscreen. I figured it never hurts to be over-prepared. As I came out of the bathroom, Tina rolled her eyes and said, "Are you kidding me? Just grab a pair of tweezers!"

Feeling a bit rejected, I returned to the bathroom to retrieve the tweezers. Since I had no real medical experience, I secretly Googled "how to remove a tick" on my smartphone. According to what I read, the trick is to grab the tick as close to the head as possible and gently pull. Feeling somewhat confident, I came back out of the bathroom with tweezers in hand. (A surgeon's mask would have been a really cool addition but I didn't have one handy.) As I approached "the patient", I slipped on my reading glasses and said, "OK, let's have a look at this thing."

I gingerly poked at the tick. It clearly had no plans plans on going anywhere anytime soon. So, I grabbed him with the tweezers and gave a gentle tug. He was a stubborn little bastard. Acting somewhat insubordinate, Tina instructed me to "just pull him until he came out". By the way, who's the doctor here?

I grabbed the tick and pulled. He still wasn't coming out! How could this little thing be so strong? Could he possibly be on steroids? Getting frustrated, I grabbed him one last time and pulled extra hard. I nearly fell on my ass as the resistance gave way. Feeling like I just took down a water buffalo, I proudly displayed my trophy to Tina. As she studied the tick, I sensed that something wasn't quite right. Upon further review, it appeared that I was holding a headless tick in my tweezers. And that could only mean one thing: the head was still under Tina's skin. Now what?

Figuring the situation was now similar to removing a splinter, I retreated to the garage to grab my utility knife. As I returned with my scalpel, Tina stopped me and said, "You're not getting anywhere near me with that thing!" I just stood there looking dejected as if my medical license had just been revoked.

I ultimately wound up poking around a little more with a sewing needle but the effort was futile. I couldn't get the damned thing out. At this rate, Tina was going to need a Tetanus shot from the invading sewing needle. So, I reluctantly threw in the towel....

When it was all said and done, Tina wound up going to the doctor to have the tick's head removed. I couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. But, hey, at least I tried.....

kw

Bouncing Through the Colorado Skies

Whenever you plan a trip that requires air travel, you never really know what awaits you. If all the pieces fall into place, you arrive at your destination on time without any unforeseen mishaps. But as we know, this is a rarity. And this brings us to my latest trip to Denver.

I've flown to Denver many times over the years. Up until now, my biggest adventure was being nearly crushed by a wannabe sumo wrestler (see my blog post entitled "Big Man in the Middle"*). But this particular flight took things to a whole new level.

As we left Baltimore and reached cruising attitude, the pilot announced that we would be arriving in Denver about 30 minutes ahead of schedule. I was delighted to hear this as it would give me a little extra time to spend in one of the local brewpubs. But, in reality, I should have known that the pilot's announcement was too good to be true.

As we approached Denver International Airport (DIA), the pilot announced that there were thunderstorms in the area, so we should brace for some turbulence. It didn't take long before the plane was bouncing through the clouds like a Tilt-A-Whirl. I hadn't experienced this much turbulence since the last time I drove over the Hanover Street bridge.. At any second, I was expecting the overhead bins to pop open and rain down a storm of oversize carry-ons.

Before long, the pilot came back on and announced that DIA was temporary closed due to the lightning from the storm. So, we would be stuck in a holding pattern for about 40 minutes. So much for arriving 30 minutes early. Knowing that we'd be tossed through the turbulent air for another 40 minutes, I instinctively reached for the barf bag. But apparently, they don't supply these things any more.

The pilot made another announcement and instructed everyone to remain in their seats with their seat-belts fastened. A minute later, a couple of young kids felt the need to pee. So, against better judgement, their mother sends them down the aisle towards the bathroom. They looked like a couple of superballs as they bounced off of several seated passengers.. Watching them stagger down the aisle made me reminisce about the first time I had tequila. Eventually, the kids emerged from the bathroom and bounced back to their seats without any serious injuries.

A few minutes later, the kids' little brother decided he wanted to stand in the middle of the aisle. The boy, who I'm guessing was about three years old, had been spontaneously screaming during much of the flight. So, I guess the mother figured as long as he stayed quiet, it made perfect sense to let him stand in the middle of the aisle even after the pilot told everyone to take their seats. At one point, the kid nearly tripped one of the flight attendants as they made they're way down the aisle to collect trash.

After about 30 minutes, the pilot comes back on and tells us that DIA is still closed and we're running out of fuel. Running out of gas is never a good thing but having it happen at 15,000 feet puts in in a new perspective.. Running on fumes above Denver, the pilot announced that we were being diverted to the Colorado Springs airport to refuel..This brought a chorus of sighs from the cabin. This would add at least two more hours to the trip. This really pissed off a few people. They were bitching and calling it "unacceptable". I felt like grabbing them by the neck and asking, "Hey Einstein, do you know that if we don't get fuel, we're going to drop out the freggin' sky?!?"

Agghh!

We eventually landed in Colorado Springs. Immediately, several irate people wanted to get off of the plane. The flight attendants explained that if they got off, they would not be permitted to get back on. After they confirmed that they understood the rules, the airport staff located a set of mobile steps, and they were allowed to deplane. Of course, this added a little more time to the trip for the majority of the passengers.. Feeling tired, nauseous and hungry, I almost felt like getting off the plane myself. But serving as some type of divine intervention, an attractive woman in tight yoga pants kept getting up and stretching. I'm not sure if she was doing it on purpose, but it definitely seemed to serve as a much needed diversion for any guys within gawking distance.

After about an hour, we took off from the short runway in Colorado Springs and we headed back into the turbulent skies. After another prolonged series of bumps, we finally started to make our descent into Denver. When the plane touched down, the pilot, who had a heavy French accent, announced, "Ahhhhhh, we're finally here." As irritated as we all were, we couldn't help laugh. Although we were several hours late, we had arrived safely. And that's gotta count for something.....

kw

* http://kensmouthpiece.blogspot.com/2013/05/big-man-in-middle.html

Parallel Parking - Another Lost Tradition

Parallel parking has been the arch nemesis of young drivers for as long as I can remember. But, in Maryland, that's about to change. The decision has been made to phase out parallel parking from the driver's test. The big question is: Why?

The "official" answer from Maryland's MVA is that there's is no reason to test for parallel parking skills anymore because the "reverse two-point turn-round maneuver" essentially covers the same set of skills. I have to admit, although I've been driving for over 30 years, I had never heard of the reverse two-point turn-around maneuver until now. When I first heard the term, I assumed that it was a new basketball move.

Let's be honest here, hardly anyone looks forward to the parking portion of their driver's test. I can remember taking my driver's test at 16 years old. As I approached the ominous sticks with the triangular orange flags, I could feel the beads of sweat beginning to form. With a MVA rep sitting in the passenger seay with clipboard in hand, I backed my mom's large Ford LTD in and out of the "parking space". After a few minutes, I heard the words that I didn't want to hear: "Ok, put the car in park and change seats with me." It was humiliating to sit there while the MVA rep drove me off the course. It bruised my ego even more to have my Dad call me a dumbass. But you know what? It made me practice parallel parking over and over to the point where I could eventually put that 12 foot LTD into a 13 foot parking space. The next time I took my driver's test, I passed easily and my ego was restored.

According to a MVA spokesperson, during a period between July 2014 and April 2015, roughly 154,000 driving tests were administered in Maryland. Out of all those tests, roughly half of the applicants (47%) failed the parallel parking portion.

So, is the the real reason for dropping the parking test because half the people fail it? Is this just another example of "giving everyone a prize"? We've seen this before. If people can't pass it, we'll just "dumb things down" and eliminate it. The growing trend of giving our younger generation "the path of least resistance" continues. The next thing you know Maryland will probably want to give licenses to illegal immigrants. Oh wait a minute, they already do? My bad...

There's clearly a financial benefit for the state to license as many drivers as possible. New drivers generate revenue for the state in the form of licensing fees. registration fees, gas taxes, tolls, etc. All things usually boil down to money and this case is probably no different.

Bu while the state makes money, the insurance companies will likely be paying out more as new drivers inevitably learn their parking skills at the expense of other people's cars. Yeah, you might want to think twice about leaving that nice BMW parked curbside anymore....

kw