Bread, Milk & Toilet Paper

Alright, in case anyone hasn’t noticed, it snowed! All you have to do is look out of your window. But it still doesn’t stop all of the television channels from dedicating 100% of their time to telling us what we already know. Have we not been through this before??

When it snows in Maryland, I’m both amazed and annoyed at the panic that immediately sets in. Here are just a few things that drive me nuts:

• We do the news people keep telling me, “If you don’t have to go out in this mess, stay home?” Even if it was sunny and 75 degrees, I probably wouldn’t go out if I didn’t have to. So, why do I have to be constantly reminded??

• I don’t understand why there is always a run on snow shovels. Did everyone lose their shovels since the last snowfall?

• This morning, I see on a news flash that the Maryland Zoo is closed today. Did we really need to be told this? I don’t know, maybe there’s a militant parent out there that would say, “Come on kids, don’t just see the polar bear. Be the polar bear!”

• Why do all of the neighbors seem so happy about shoveling snow? Some of them will even bring beer out and turn it into a big party. Maybe I should bring out a lawn chair and kick back with my own beer. Then, while pointing at my sidewalk, I’ll yell, “Hey guys, you missed a spot! Let’s get moving!”

• Why do the news reporters feel the need to interview people out in the snow? Are we really going to learn anything? Haven’t we all been out in the white stuff before? Do we really need to be reminded that it’s cold, slippery and wet??

• We are told to not leave our pets outside during the blizzard. If you have to be reminded of this, you shouldn’t own pets.

• The need to stock up on bread, milk and toilet paper. In my forty plus years of life, the snow has never confined me to my house for more than a couple of days. I think I’ll survive without an overstock of these three items. Even if I could justify the bread and the milk, the toilet paper really baffles me. It’s not like the snow makes me grab a magazine and say, “Hey honey, it’s snowing again. I’m going to be in the bathroom for a while!”

I don’t know why we even have to deal with this cold, nasty weather anyway. Didn’t Al Gore win a Nobel Peace Prize and an Academy Award for telling us that we’re in period of global warming? Maybe this snowstorm is just a myth. Hey Al, I just checked, and it's definitely not a foot of lava on my sidewalk. So, how about stopping by later and shoveling off whatever this cold white stuff is!

KW