Closing Firehouses

As I watch the morning news this morning, I hear about three Baltimore City fire houses that will close up in about a month. Of course, the residents in these communities are upset because this will surely mean longer response times by emergency personnel. I can certainly understand their concern.

Of course, the closings are a result of money problems in the city government. This shouldn’t be that surprising when you have a Mayor who steals gift cards from the needy.

I have some solutions to cope with the vanishing firehouses. First off, how about we stop shooting each other? Studies have shown that individuals without bullet wounds tend to not need the services of paramedics as much as those with a "cap busted in their ass". Since someone gets shot in "the city that bleeds" every day, we could avoid over three hundred 911 calls per year just by cutting out the shootings.

Let’s cut out the drug abuse. This will eliminate most of those pesky overdose calls. And on the same note, there are plenty of fires started every year by idiots passing out with the crack pipe burning. Put the pipe down and save an emergency call.

And to the street walking ladies of Baltimore, let’s stop selling your bodies for a drug fix. Not only is it degrading, it's extremely unhealthy. Your need for a paramedic will decrease dramatically if you don’t get in cars with strange men. Didn’t your parents teach you this when you were a kid??

Stop hanging out aimlessly on the street corner and get a job. The need for a paramedic is far less likely while you’re being productive in the workplace than while you acting like a twelve year old on the street.

Stop speeding through city traffic on dirt bikes. Not only are the police tired of chasing you, the paramedics are tired of scraping your ass off of the pavement.

And lay off of the lake trout. I have no idea what lake trout is, but I’m thinking that it can’t be good. So, leave it alone and possibly save yourself a trip to the hospital.


KW