A Tale of Two Kitties

Close to a year ago, Tina asked me if she could bring home two kittens. Knowing that her question was just a formality and I really didn’t have a say in the matter, I said “Sure, why not?”

So, enter the two new additions to our household. I’ll have to admit, they were actually very cute. They would wrestle each other and play with their assortment of toys before eventually falling asleep on top of one another. I was thinking that this might not be so bad after all.

These two kittens were from the same litter. One was black and the other was gray. We toyed around with names for them before finally settling on Lewis for the black one and Lester for the gray one. These are the middle names of Tina’s dad and my dad.

From the beginning, we could tell that Lewis was going to be a handful. He was the one that would always be in places where he shouldn’t be. Lester would just quietly watch him as if to say, “My brother is such a jackass!”

So, now that they’re close to being full grown, it’s not surprising that Lewis's escapades have escalated. For instance, like clockwork, he’ll wait until the middle of the night, and then start kicking a random object throughout the house. And he insists on only doing it on hard surfaces, to ensure that he produces the most volume. I’ll toss and turn with the hopes that Tina will eventually get up and take care it. But it never works out that way. Eventually, I’ll throw off the covers and head down the dark hallway in search of the little furry bastard. And it never fails; I’ll either knock something over or stub my toe. And to add fuel to the fire, Tina will yell, “Do you have to make so much noise?”

Then, I’ll fire back, “Hey it was your idea to bring these cats home! Why am I the one who’s up every night hunting for the phantom noise maker? This isn’t right!” Before I even finish my statement, Tina is already back asleep!

I have found Lewis with everything from razors to wedding rings. If it’s hard and has the potential to make noise, he’ll attempt to bounce it across the floor at 3 am!

Sometimes, while I’m walking across the room, Lewis will pounce on my leg like it’s a tree. Then, he’ll just hang from my jeans and look up at me. I’ll glance over to the laid-back Lester, and he’ll just look at me as if to say, “I dunno, I think our mother dropped him on his head when he was born.”

If I’m walking down the steps of our split-foyer house, Lewis will race to the upper landing in an attempt swat at me as I pass him on my way down the lower landing. I’ve now gotten into a habit of holding my hands over my head as I go down the steps. It’s ok at home, but I get funny looks when I’m in office buildings.

And this morning, I was abruptly awoken when Lewis jumped from our bedroom window sill onto my stomach. It was like getting sucker punched. As I headed out of the bedroom, Tina, just waking up, asked, "Why are you all doubled over?" At this point, I'm too fired up to even respond!

I don’t know what I’m going to do with this crazy cat. I’ve tried everything from loading his food dish with Tylenol PM’s to tossing him into the clothes dryer for a few spins. But nothing seems to work! (Before the ASPCA sends out the goon squad, I’m kidding!)

I must mention the time when I accidently locked Lewis in one of my dresser drawers. He spent several hours reading the labels of my Levi jeans before Tina eventually found him and set him free. She swears that I did it on purpose. But, as tempting as it might have seemed to me, it was truly an accident. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

I’m hoping Lewis will eventually settle down and maybe take on some of the easy going characteristics of Lester. But until then, I guess we’ll continue our nightly adventures…..


KW