Closing Out 2010

So, here we go again, about to close the book on another eventful year. Who knows what the New Year will bring our way? Will it bring more bed bugs? Will we see more massive snowfalls thus forcing Al Gore into another year of hibernation? Will Lindsay Lohan make an appearance on Celebrity Rehab? Only Dionne Warwick and her psycho network can predict these things.

Preparing for the New Year, we're all going to make New Year's resolutions that we know we can't possibly keep. I don't even waste my time with resolutions anymore. If I couldn't drop twenty pounds through 2010, what difference will 2011 make? What can I say, I like Arbys and I fear treadmills. And plus, I've never met a draft beer that I didn't like. Well, there was this one recently at the Pratt Street Ale House, but I still drank it. So, if I continue on my chunky path, I'll just start hanging out with people with overactive thyroids so I'll seem smaller. Say what you will, but at least I have a plan.

Ok, I guess if I really had to change something going into the New Year, it would be to eat more fruits and vegetables. Currently, about the about vegetables I consume are the jalapeno peppers on my occasional order of nachos. And any fruits that enter my body are usually coated with chocolate. But I'm working on it...

New Year's Eve is coming up and everyone's preparing to celebrate. I never quite understood this. Everybody parties all night, then when the midnight hour approaches, the dog and pony show starts. People will round up all of the drunks and talk to them like five-year-olds by saying, "Come on, you guys, we've got five minutes until the New Year. Five minutes, can you believe it?"

I can hardly take it!

Then, everyone is herded to the front of the nearest TV to watch that stupid-ass ball drop at Times Square. I just never got it. Everyone gathers and inevitably breaks into the 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-HAPPY NEW YEAR routine. Then, Guy Lombardo kicks in with Auld Lang Syne and we all hug, kiss and dry hump each other like we've just come home from World War II. What am I missing here? Hasn't everyone been partying together for the past six hours? So, what's up with the impromptu reunion?

On more thing....Before now and January 1st, I am going to absolutely freggin' snap if someone says to me, "See you next year!" To me, this is like the old "Have a good one" farewell. Have a good what? It drives me crazy. The only thing worse is when someone tries to be extra witty by saying "Half a good one! A whole one might kill ya!" It doesn't even remotely make sense.

Anyway........

On a serious note, I'm glad we've all made through another year. Paraphrasing one of my favorite songs, sometimes I feel like we're all lost souls swimming in a fish bowl. But hey, at least we're still swimming. So, keep living life and make everyday count!

I've had a ball (but not the Times Square kind) writing my rants and stories over the past year. Thank you all for taking the time to read them. I really do appreciate it.

May you and yours have a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year.....

Ken