One Strange Concert

The year was 1993 or thereabouts. I'm not sure how or why, but I wound up with a pair of tickets to a Melissa Etherdge concert. The venue was Merriweather Post Pavilion in nearby Columbia, MD. I had heard a lot of Etheridge's music, and I actually liked it. Plus, her girlfriend was Anne Heche who I always thought was kind of hot. So anyway, I figured, "What the hell, it should be a good time."

So, Tina and I head down to Columbia. We park on the Columbia Mall parking lot which is right across from the entrance to Merriweather. As we're sitting in the car, we watch all the people heading over to the venue. Everyone seemed to be in a festive mood. Countless couples strolled past holding hands and embracing each other. But here's where it got a little weird for me. Although there were plenty people who initially appeared to be guys, in reality they were women with close cropped haircuts and flannel shirts. (By the way, I had never seen so many Jeeps on the parking lot. What's up with that?)

Now, let me say that I don't have a problem with any of this. Although I am indeed conservative on most issues, I don't think that I, nor anyone else, has the right to tell people how to live their lives. But, with that being said, here was my concern. I have been described as having the "stereotypical Republican look". So, how are these "ladies" going to respond to me? As silly as it sounds, I was afraid that they might view me as the enemy and sacrifice me in the name of alternate lifestyles across the world. And, all kidding aside, there were more than a few of these "ladies" that could have, no doubt, easily kicked my ass!

So, after a little help and encouragement from Samuel Adams, I finally ventured inside. After taking our seats, I noticed a fellow man in the row behind me. Even though we were an extreme minority, it gave us comfort that to know that we weren't totally alone. We gave each other a subtle upward head-nod as a sign of solidarity.

Once the show started, tensions eased. Mellisa was jamming out to "Bring Me Some Water" and the whole place was jumping. Maybe it was the beer, but I was actually digging the whole thing. Before long, Etheridge transitioned into "Like I Do", and then things started to get a little weird. Women seemed to be mesmerized as the bridge of the song kicked in. They were swooning and swaying. They were saying things like,"God, she's so beautiful". It was actually a bit cult-like. I couldn't take it anymore......

So, I figured this was probably a great time to hit the "mens" room. As I approach the line, I see that it's unexpectedly backed up. I'm thinking, "How can there be two hundred guys in line for the men's room when there's only ten men in the whole place?" Well the mystery was soon solved. There were actually no men at all in the line. They were all women. Can you believe this? So, I did what any self respecting guy would have done....I walked towards the front of the line.

This was probably not the smartest thing to do. Many of the women were visibly upset. How do I know this? Because they were throwing drinks at me and calling me an asshole. I had really kicked the hornet's nest this time. And being the fool that I am, I stood there and attempted to explain why I should get preferential treatment. After all, I was the only man here. Finally, I just said the hell with it and walked past everyone and into the Twilight Zone.

When I enter the men's room, it was somewhat surreal to see it packed with women. And some of them actually looked like women. There's certain things that you'll never forget in you life. I will never forget the time I had a conversation with a woman at an adjacent urinal at Merriweather Post Pavilion.

When I finally made it back outside, I saw Tina. She had a look of terror on her face. So, I asked her what was the matter. She told me to never do anything like that again. She tells me that I could have gotten both of us killed. She says that she was sure that I would not come out of the "men's" room in one piece. I tried to calm her down by telling her that everything was fine. Plus, I even made a new friend at the urinal. But I guess I wasn't too convincing. I have to admit, I was a little concerned about some of these "ladies" waiting for me on the parking lot. In an effort to blend in, I thought about buying a Melissa Etheridge t-shirt to wear on the way out. Some would call it a t-shirt but I viewed it as camouflage. Thankfully, we eventually made it home unscathed.

Not long after my adventure, I read a story about a guy at one of these shows in another town. He pretty much went through the same bathroom experience as I did. But unlike me, he filed a lawsuit. Honestly, the thought had never entered my mind. I figured that since none of these ladies kicked my ass, what's the big deal? I guess some people just aren't as open minded as I am.........

KW