Fist-Bumping & Elbow-Touching

Has anyone noticed how the traditional handshake is rapidly transitioning into a silly fist-bump? What's up with that? The other day, I ran into a guy that I know. I extend my hand in the familiar way. But instead of meeting me halfway with an open hand, the guy just stands there with a balled-up fist. WTF? Are we greeting each other or preparing for a sparring session?

From what I'm told, the fist-bump is taking the place of the handshake because people are afraid of catching germs. Considering that we're teaching our kids to fear Pop-Tarts, I guess it's only logical that we make them terrified of a handshake too. It's like our society is turning into France!

After playing a set of doubles tennis recently, everyone prepared to shake hands after the match. Well, in what can only be described as a blatant display of raw courage, three of us exchanged customary handshakes. Yeah, we like to walk on the wild side. However, when I went to shake the fourth guy's hand, he said, "Sorry, I don't shake hands. Germs.." What kind of bullshit is that? Do I look like I have germs?

Another buddy, who hails from California, recently told me that there's an even odder "handshake" that's spreading across the Left Coast. Instead of the fist-bump, they touch elbows! We've just turned the handshake into the Hokey-Pokey! What's next, leg-humping??

Now, to be fair, I would agree that there are some people who I'd rather not shake hands with. For instance, one guy that I know has a habit of blowing his nose via the Kentucky handkerchief method. Basically, he'll push one nostril with his index finger while blowing a wad of snot from the other. Flicking his hand immediately afterwards, he leaves me little doubt that he caught a little mucus residue on his digits. If there was ever a good argument for the elbow bump, this would probably be it.

Assuming that most people prefer Kleenex over Kentucky handkerchiefs, I still prefer the old fashioned handshakes over fist-bumps and elbow-touches. I mean, how many door-knobs or handles do you touch on any given day? Any germs that you would pick up by handshaking would likely be on these items as well. How long before the government requires rubber gloves and Lysol to be placed at every entrance in America? Nothing would surprise me......

kw