Pop Tarts - The New Assault Weapon

The gun debate continues to be a hot topic in the People's Republic of Maryland. In the past week, the MD Senate passed a gun control bill that would give the blue state one of the strictest gun control laws in the country. There are plenty of 2nd Amendment advocates who vehemently disagree with the proposed  laws and they have been showing up in big numbers to voice their opposition.

No doubt, people on both sides of the issue are very passionate. But things sometimes border on lunacy. For instance, recently a local delegate suggested drafting an emergency bill that would require police to abide by the same gun control laws as the private citizen. I know he was trying to make a point, but taking firearms away from the police? Really?

But the award for Best Overall Over-The-Top Reaction goes to Park Elementary in good ol' Brooklyn Park.....

Just last week, a 7-year-old from the school was suspended (I promise you that I'm not making this up) for biting his Pop Tart into the shape of a gun! I don't completely understand the anti-gun crowd, but I can respect their passion to some degree. However, when they start treating a kid with a Pop Tart as if he were the freggin' Uni-Bomber, they come off as knee-jerk morons. Aside from someone possibly getting squirted with a little creme-filling, was anyone in any real danger from this kid's Pop Tart?

You would think that classifying a sugar-coated pastry as an assault weapon would be crazy enough. But the folks at Park Elementary weren't quite finished yet. After suspending the pastry-toting student, school officials decided to send letters home with the other students explaining to parents that there was a "disturbance in school". I have to wonder if they offered free counseling sessions for any emotionally affected students. I can only imagine how traumatized the other second graders were when they caught sight of little Josh's unregistered Pop-Tart.

My mind wanders back to a time, many years ago, when I was walking down a dark alley in Curtis Bay. I was distracted by the sound of my boombox which was firmly perched upon my left shoulder. Rob Halford was blaring the crescendo of Victim of Changes into my left ear. Then, out of no where, I was confronted by a couple of local thugs armed with Pop-Tarts. One was packing what looked like a Frosted Chocolate Fudge while the other caught my attention with a traditional, but equally lethal, Brown Sugar Cinnamon. I was forced to hand over my boombox. What else could? I would have tried to hold my ground if these guys were wielding simple apple or cherry Tarts. But I was clearly over-matched by the high sugar capacity of their frosted weapons.....

So, should we draw up some new gun laws that require fingerprinting and background checks in order to purchase a box of Pop-Tarts. And while we're at it, maybe we should put a limit on the number of pastries that can be held in one package. If we go down this road, can Twinkees and Ding-Dongs be far behind? Stop the insanity!

Although I'm trying to be funny, I am no match for the clowns at Park Elementary. Suspending a kid because of  his "intimidating" Pop-Tart is the most ridiculous thing that I've heard in a long time. Ironically, if you walk through the neighborhood near the school, you'll probably run into bad people with a real guns. But we're going after the kid with the Pop-Tart that "looks' like one. Yep. makes perfect sense to me.....

kw