A Day at Harbor Freight Tools

For those who aren't familiar with Harbor Freight Tools, it's basically like the Walmart of tool stores. The aisles are populated with ridiculously cheap Chinese-made tools and other gadgets. For the price of one screwdriver at Sears, you can buy a whole set at Harbor Freight.

Now, the tools are one thing, but the people at HFT are in a league of their own. They have subtle similarities to Walmart shoppers, but they also have peculiarities that make them disturbingly unique. For instance, many of the older shoppers like to walk around the store hunched over a shopping cart. Even if you happen to engage in a conversation with one of these guys, the whole time they're talking to you, they're bent over at the waist with their torso over top of the cart. They also give the impressive that they have absolutely nowhere else to be. They're kind of like the Senior Coffee Club at Dunkin' Donuts.

The shoppers at HFT also tend to be very loud and opinionated. They remind me the obnoxious drunk that you might see annoying people at a local dive bar. You'll hear these geniuses from across the store as they critique the selection of pipe wrenches. I actually heard one guy say that one particular wrench had a nice balance and that it would also make a nice "skull thumper". And just like that, a new era of the wood shampoo was born.

I saw one pock-mocked, long-haired guy who had an uncanny resemblance to former Kiss guitarist Ace Frehley. He was talking noticeably loud on his cell phone as he wandered aimlessly through the store. Ace became more frustrated and animated as the phone call went on. Before long, he was throwing his hands into the air and cursing like Tony Soprano.Why do people do this in public??

And then there was two other guys who resembled the villains in one of those old "Last House on the Left" movies. They were both unshaven with long scraggly hair and weathered flannel shirts. They just seemed a bit creepy to me. To make things just a little more bizarre, they happened to be looking at axes. I quickly moved on to another aisle.....

Now, I'm not saying that I'm any better or smarter than anyone else, but I do have basic manners and etiquette. The average shopper at Harbor Freight lacks both. Little things like holding the door and saying "Excuse me" seem to be totally foreign to these folks. While I was standing in the checkout line, an elderly man was directly behind me leaning heavy into his shopping cart. He kept running the cart into the back of my leg. Not wanting to cause a scene, I just let it go and moved ahead a couple of feet. Right on cue, the old man moves ahead with me. He pushes the cart until it comes to a complete stop, courtesy of my ass. I turn around and give him the "WTF look". But he was oblivious to the whole situation as he hummed some incoherent song and stared blankly into his cart. What could I really do? For all I knew, this guy may have wondered off from the assisted living home. I just wanted to get out there. As luck would have it, the guy in front of me was having a disagreement with the cashier over a "free miniature flashlight" coupon. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally paid for my items and walked towards to exit.

As I approach the exit, the guy in front of me lets the door slam. I never understood this. Didn't we all learn by the age of ten to hold the door for people? Anyway, I caught the door in just enough time to avoid a broken nose. As I made my way outside, I gave the guy a sarcastic, "Thanks alot, bud!" But he just looked back at me with the deer-in-the-headlights look.

I guess this is the price you pay for saving a few bucks. But next time, although it will certainly cost me more, I think I'll avoid the sideshow acts and just go to Sears.....

kw