The Subway Communication Breakdown

Why does something as simple as ordering lunch have to be so difficult? I don;t know, maybe this is why most fast food joints have adopted the order-by-number method. But nonetheless, here's my story.....

First off, I happen to really like Subway. The food is always fresh and unless you happen to be on the Adkins Diet, you gotta love that they bake their own bread. I also like the consistency in their product. If you order a Spicy Italian sub in Philadelphia, you're likely to find pretty much the same exact one in Chicago.

But the problem is that there always seems to be a communication breakdown whenever I'm placing my order. Earlier today, I stopped of at a local Subway for lunch. The woman behind the counter had the deer-in-the-headlights (DITH) look, so I expected the usual song-and-dance routine. In broken English, she asks me what I would like. I tell her that I'm all about the 6-inch Italian BMT today. I'm not sure what she didn't understand, but she immediately resumed the DITH stare. After a few moments of awkward silence, I reiterated my order, except this time I kept it on a professional level and spoke more slowly....

"I'd...like.....a..... six....inch....Italian....B....M....T...on....Italian....bread"

She comprehends my request and goes to work splitting the bread and loading it up with the spicy slices of nitrates. Then, just when I thought we were making progress, she looks up and says "Chee?"

Confused, I respond, "I'm sorry. What did you say?"

Again, with no expression on her face, she says, "Chee!"

I turn the guy behind me and ask, "Who the hell is Chee?"

The guy, who seemed to getting irritated, says, "She wants to know if you want cheese."

After finally solving the cheese mystery, she finally throws a couple pieces of pepper-jack onto the project and we move on down to the fixin's station. I tell her put on some lettuce tomato and a little mayonnaise. But I just can't leave it alone. I tell her, "Hey, you know what? I'm not driving, so throw on some pickles too." At this point, I get a little distracted as I fish my cash out of my pocket. When I look back up, she ambushes me with another DITH stare. Realizing what I have to do, I begin to point at the pickles through the sneeze-shield. I must have looked like a kid pointing at the honey-glazed crullers at Dunkin' Donuts. At this stage, I'm thinking that flash cards would be a great idea.

She then asks me if I'd like something to drink. I respond, "Yes, I'd like an iced tea." I have no idea what was so hard to comprehend about this, but confers with the young girl working the cash register. I can't really understand what they're saying, but I'm quite certain I hear the word "tea' mentioned several times. Finally, the DITH woman looks at me and says, "Tea?" I point towards the beverages and say, "Yes, Tea". Again, but this time with a more confused look, the woman says, "Tea?" Most people would just order a Coke or Pepsi and be done with it. But, unless it has a healthy dose of rum in it, I usually don't drink soda. So, for some crazy reason, I make the "T" sign with my hands. Now, the woman is really confused. She thinks that I'm giving her the "time-out" sign.

I can sense the guy behind me is getting more irritated. But what the hell did I do? I'm just trying to order a Spicy BMT and go about my business. In an act of what I perceived to be divine intervention, the woman finally goes over to the beverage station and pours me an iced tea. Hallelujah!

As the two woman complete my order, they go into an extended conversation in a foreign language. This really annoys me because, although I can't comprehend a word they're saying, I get the feeling that they're talking about me. And this same thing has happened to some of my friends. To me, this is just as rude as whispering in front of someone. My buddy, Ray, ran into this exact situation at a Subway a year or so ago. Paraphrasing here, in the nicest way he knew how, he summed it up by saying, "You guys shouldn't do that shit. It's f*ckin' rude!"

Hey look, I'm not busting on anyone because they can't speak English. At least they're trying to speak a second language. Hell, I took six years of French and can barely put together a full sentence. I guess I just get a little annoyed when a language barrier gets between my and my lunch.....

kw