The Wholesale Club

While I was in my local BJ’s Wholesale Club the other day, I couldn’t help but notice a few things. (Actually, I’ve noticed them before but never felt the urge to write about it).

Entering the parking lot, I can’t help but notice the gathering traffic at the gas pumps. The cars are three or four deep. And the reason for this? The gas is a whole three cents a gallon cheaper than at the nearby Exxon station. Is it really worth 20 minutes of your life to save 35 cents on a fill-up? Over the course of a year, this amounts to hours of wasted time.

Inside the store is always exciting to me, especially if I’m hungry. Instead of buying lunch, I can just walk around and eat all of the free food samples. The servers are usually senior citizens with thick glasses. So, if I’m extra hungry, I can throw on my sunglasses to disguise myself and go back for seconds. They never see it coming. In some crazy way, I feel like I accomplished something.

If you decide to forego the free samples, you can purchase something to eat at the snack stand. But keep in mind, everything is super-sized. The hot dogs are more like beef by-product baseball bats. And if you want a soft pretzel, be sure to bring an extra cart to carry it.

I always get a kick out the shopping carts with the “kid’s car” attached to the front. It’s designed so a small child can ride in the front and not get separted form the parent. The problem with these things is that they’re about as long as a hook and ladder fire truck. I’m surprised that you don’t need a special license to “drive” one. And the poor kid usually takes a beating as the front of the thing crashes into something on every turn. Yeah, the kid might wind up with a concussion, but at least you know where he is!

I saw a guy who had about 100 cases of water on his cart. I was trying to figure out if he was just rescued from a secluded dessert or maybe he was planning on filling a swimming pool. In either case, Moby Dick wouldn't have needed this much water!

There is an auto service at the club too. I’ve heard some intersting stories. The best one was when some bozo left a car in gear while it was on one of the lifts. Yep, you guessed it. It fell off of the lift and crashed into the floor below. Not surprising, there was considerable front end damage to the car. Accessing the situation, I’m told that one of the "mechanics" said, “I don’t think we can fix that here.”

If there one thing that ticks me off about the wholesale clubs (besides falling cars) it’s this: you have to have your cart inspected on the way out. I don’t like this at all. I’ve already paid for my goods. They now belong to ME! So, it offends me when I have to watch someone paw through my stuff before I’m given their seal of approval (a hole punched in my receipt)! I always feel like rifling through their pockets and saying, "How's it feel??"

And the regular “approver” at my local store is a unique character. She’ll fire off a whole line of incoherent salutations as you hand her your receipt…..

“Hi, how ya doin’, ok, mmm hmm, thank you, good day, bye bye, thank you, uh huh, hello, good-bye, thank you…..”

You can’t even get a word in edgeways! Before you can even attempt to respond, she's already giving the same routine to the next guy. Even though I know it's coming, it always drives me freggin’ nuts! If you ever go into the Pasadena BJ’s, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

Happy shopping!

KW