Monday, August 17, 2009

A Road Rant

When will people learn how to drive? And more importantly, when will people learn be courteous to other drivers? Especially, me! I’m tired of this bullshit and I’m going to tell you about it!

The left lane is for PASSING! If cars to the right of you are zooming by, that’s a pretty good sign that you’ve got a line of pissed off drivers behind you. Get your ass out of the way. NOW! There’s nothing I hate worse than jumping into the fast lane only to have to slam on my brakes!

And why do some people insist on coming to a complete stop before making a right hand turn? It’s like they can’t decide whether to actually commit or not. GO! Unless there’s a stop sign, red light or a puppy in the road, you should keep moving!

Why do some idiots insist on announcing their stupidity to the world by blaring rap “music” from their car stereos? I’m a white, middle class Republican. Do you really think I’m going to appreciate Snoop Dogg singing about bitches and ho’s? Turn the damned stereo down! Some words of advice: It’s better to be thought of as an asshole than to blare your rap music and remove all doubt!

Why do ignorant assholes throw trash out of their car windows? Are you too freggin’ lazy to carry it to the trash can when you get to your next stop? Maybe you’re just too stupid! Or, maybe that's just how your grandmother raised you? When I see morons doing this, my blood pressure immediately goes up and I impulsively want put my foot in their ass!

And what's up with the dirt bikes weaving in and out of city traffic at 100 mph? I know it's wrong, but when I see these idiots doing this, I almost wish they would clip the front bumper of one the cars that they're speeding past. That might teach them and the rest of their nonconforming buddies a hard lesson! They call them DIRT bikes for a reason, asshole! And while we're talking about idiots on dirt bikes...don't have your family blaming the police when they chase you and you wind up in Shock Trauma! You put yourself there when you decided to become a rebel!

And don’t even get me started on drivers yapping on their cell phones. When did it become necessary to start a phone conversation immediately after starting the car? Take a look around the next time your on the road. I’d be willing to bet that more than half of the clueless drivers out there have a cell phone up to their ear. What conversation could be so important that you’d risk your life (and mine!) for it? Get an earpiece or headset for God's sake, before you kill somebody!

And for the gear heads who are always roaring their engines through the neighborhood, what the f*ck is your problem? I’ll be enjoying some quiet time by the pool when out of nowhere…… RUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM! Son of a bitch! What could possibly be the purpose for this kind of bullshit? Are you trying to compensate for something?

I’m all about the freedom of speech. But it pisses my off that liberals can plaster their anti-Bush bumper stickers all over their cars but I can’t display my anti-Obama sticker. You know damned well that if I did, my car would be vandalized beyond recognition by a person of tolerance and diversity!

I’ve got to come up with something to relive stress while I’m driving or I’m going to blow a gasket! I think it's ridiculous that these assholes make me use four letter words that would make a gangsta rapper blush. I dunno, maybe I’ll keep a dozen eggs in my glove box. When some knuckle-head does something to piss me off, I’ll just roll down the window and splatter a couple across his windshield. That should get his attention. Something’s got to be done to send a message!

Hey, don’t get me wrong. I don’t condone road rage. But I can certainly understand it!


KW

4 comments:

  1. I don't have time to yap on my cell phone, I am too busy sending text messages!

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  2. I forgot to comment on text messages, Rob. I'll address that in a future rant! :-)

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  3. I just read a snippet of a news story about people in a residential community, fed up with speeders zooming through their neigborhood, resorting to shooting paintballs at these morons. Sounds like a pretty good deterent to me, if you can get away with it.
    Ginny B

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  4. What get me Ken is the people who talk with their F'in hands while on the cell phone. I can handle SOME people who are on the phone while driving. I equate it to talking to somebody in the car while driving with one hand. I mean does anybody drive how they were taught in drivers ed?? But there are the 'hand talkers' out there. I drive by and see them on the cell phone and they don't have a hand on the steering wheel but are motioning with BOTH HANDS while on the phone. I guess that makes the point they're trying to make more impressive to the person on the other end.

    On one of your other points.. I can handle the cars that actually sound like CARS when somebody modifies them. The deep throaty sound of a big V8 gives me hope for mankind when I hear one. What pisses me off is those little whiny rice burners that sound like a 1000 bees in a can when they go by. Sure you increase HP by putting one of those mufflers on but you decrease your testosterone by allowing your car to sound like that. If you have a 4 banger it shouldn't sound like anything. If you want to try to impress somebody... move up to a V8..

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